insecurities
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I'm just trying to ease my insecuritiesNumbers are already makin' me wheeze Amounts aren't amounting to nothing at allIt doesn't matter if it's summerIt doesn't matter if it's fall I'm trying to ease my pain Change the winner of this gameMake this
I'd like to be like Selena,
red lips, confidence, heart of gold
But it's hard, since I'm shy
and I know that
I never could be quite as bold
I'd like to be like Diana
When hopes start to disappoint you
Dejection drains the power out of you
Motivation dies deep inside the soul
When criticism shows up to console
Look at my insecuritiesSave your complimentsI'll never believe them anywayCheck out my problemsWatch them grow asYou point them to to meI'm just a sad boyWhy aren't you tired of me yet?
My mind flooded with thoughts such as “What if they don’t like it?” and “What will they think?”
I know this all too well
I have two parents
Which means twice the yelling
I get it
What has happened to the days of truth?
When one could trust their neighbor, their family, a friend
Everywhere I look trying to see through the mist, the fog that hides our true intentions
Average, Normal, Typical,
Who has the say to define such?
Who has the say to define beauty, class, status?
All is crafted and twined by mankind.
You, with all your insecurities
How often have you forgotten your victories?
How easy was it to let them whisper into your ears
Until you disappeared?
Their words distracted you from your thoughts
my father used to tell me
i would never get anywhere in life
never would he tell me
that he believed i could be successful
he would always exclaim
My fear is mine
I can’t hide from it
No matter how hard
I try
I’m running
I’m broken
I’m worthless
Until I’m
What are you so afraid of?
As if the more I ask,
the more I will become overnight.
As if a shooting star could
shine among the constellations,
telling me that they're all wrong.
The first thing I notice when I look in the mirror is my nose; thin, long and narrow.
Not upturned like other girls. Not small when I smile.
It's just there. Straight. Narrow. Thin.
There is an unspoken fear
Of the fear that lies within.
Of the fear boiling in my veins,
Of the fear peeling back my eyelids at 1 a.m.
I say nothing.
There is an unspoken fear
Of the fear that lies within.
Of the fear boiling in my veins,
Of the fear peeling back my eyelids at 1 a.m.
I say nothing.
by Ariel Douglas (16 October 2014)
I see you every day,
Acting how you do.
I hear the words you say,
Whoever you're talking to.
Dear Creation,
I am at a crossroads with myself
a sinner with high standards
believing that someday I’ll find happiness
with someone
Fear breaks
The crack of dawn
Tossing, turning, yearning
Hardly ever learning
People and places
Pasts and problems
Things I’ll never have the answer—
Four
Years.
Dear Body,
What do you make me feel fat and insecure?
Why do you do it? I'm not sure
My whole life I've struggled to lose weight
I'd put less and less on my plate
Middle school was not fun
You show me who I am
And more importantly who I’m not.
You show me what I don’t have
More often than what I’ve got.
Dear Future,
My kidnapper, you sicken me!
Hiding me in a room called my conscious.
All I see is darkness.
All I’ve ever seen is darkness.
I'm drowning in water
I'm breathing in fire
My bones are wires
My tears are hotter
and My walls are made of butter
Do you know how it feels to not feel good enough For another woman to enter the room and your afraid that it's her instead of you that they want to cuff How in the mirror you feel like a sapphire, emerald, pearl; but get in a room full of diamonds
Dear Beauty,
I wish I would have known
I wish I would have known
That you are just a shapeshifter that turns into the nightmare shown
Smooth skin
replaced by
Broken bones;
Empty eyes
seen within
Melancholy mirrors.
Remorseful reflections
gazing back at
Spurning spirits;
Hindering hatred
My love is Beautiful
My love is Kind.
Mantras that I keep in Mind.
I am Amazing
I am Great
I start to feel the ground
it shakes.
I want to Love
To feel my Soul
Tired of imaginingTired of actingOh, how I wish that was meCat-fishingIs now existingMirror, mirrorWhat is my birth error?Is it my looks or personality?A shame that I desire plastic surgery
Drowning in my insecurities,
I am pushed into a comfort zone beyond who I aspire to be.
The molecules are opinions,
Assumptions,
Of those who think they know me best.
A force- harsh and stiff as a hurricane,
Blitzed. I hate being questioned. I see things in a blur, and I can't do anything for myself. I avoid. I have stronger fears now than before, and I'm in a void after being held down. Things change, people change.
Not fearless. Still brave. Dare to dream. Lovely. All of the things I so desire, and delight in. Conspiring against tragedy.Shakespeare wishes it was a comedy. Escaping from scapegoats, and illness blighting.
A flower made of fire
Was consumed by fear
And went up in smoke.
"Kick down the walls,
Open the window,
Let the light shine in.
Embrace the way your soul repeats,
'You are unique.'"
"Be prettier, be smarter, work harder",
My daily motto now my self-beliveing lies,
Something I tell myself to justify the cries.
"Another 10, another 100, c'mon you can do more",
I am held captive,
Captive by my own brain
Jealousy wraps my wrists and ankles with razor sharp barb wire while insecurities pound me into the floor
On days when I can take it no longer,
Walking through the overgrown grass
watching the winged dust motes
float away
I pick up the walnuts
Some lay clean, dry,
A car loses control and hits a baby.
Reporters swirl around the dying innocence,
Like vultures around potential demise.
I grab my pen and write,
I grab my laptop and type,
I grab my phone and tweet
Some nights, I sip on my coffee
And scribble down words
With my ink-stained hands
Those are the nights
When I do not need the water
To feel like drowning
Because those are the nights
For Cindy
She is the mysterious mesmerizing moon
Sitting silently in sorrowful solitude
She is encased in darkness
Is my black beautiful? I live in a generation that's cleaning up the mess the previous had made. Striving for equality, justice, but one thing doesn't seem to change.
Often times I wonder what others see when they see me
If they see me
or the me they want me to be
Not the me that I present but the girl with unfound dreams
Never the positives or aspirations only the negativities
We went from wake up and dress up
to taking our time to impressed looks
but what evey girl fail to realize
is that the only beauty that counts
I'm frightened of my destructive vision
People will scream and shout ruinning my
self-esteem
The expression from this pen is my
addiction
The only way to create without it going
down stream
Darkness envelops me from that speck of light that I aimed to reach for
Parents didn't believe in my depression and marked it off as "wants for attention"
I see so many people with their closets stuffed full Full of so many skeletons And the shelves of their heart are stacked full of skulls Just staring Into the cold stone darkness The void of their eyes look to the void that's deprived Of happi
I'm a moth attracted to light,it's hard not to be attached
When my eyes met yours I see an imaginary world
My lips met yours and it's a fire within December
When I start to care is when trouble arises
The heart is a lock; Love is the key. Once you open it, you don't want it to close. Hurt and pain are chains that will keep it closed. When it's closed, it's hard for it to open up. My insecurity is trust and it's hard to gain, so don't lose it.
Nostrils flared, fists clenched, fingernails digging into my palm, teeth gritting together so tightly I fear they might shatter into a million pieces; my inner demon overcomes me.
And in the end we were
Better off without each other.
My epiphany about my
Unhappiness while i was with
You, caused me to see it so.
Exposed
Naked
Vulnerable to insult
With his x-ray vision he saw through my imperfections
And looked into something beautiful.
He saw parts of me I kept hidden.
Things I threw into a box marked shame.
Amaro
Rise
Valencia
Umm, Saturation let's make it 10
Warmth 41, there done.
#NoFilter #AllNatural
But how is it that we go ahead and fidget with the icons on instagram
I squeal in the silence of my bedroom
When I am excited
Because I am just me
I sing out loud
While my headphones are on
Because I am just me
I listen to myself talk
From day to day we fight to see the beauty behind thee,
these cuts we cover dust to find the strength within the idea of we,
anger leads to failure to go where we strive to be,
denial of hope in the beauty we do not see,
I am full of dreams
And aspirations, I know
I'm going places.
Picture us without
All the makeup, just our own
Intended beauty.
Mistakes,
Baby I'm flawless.
What you want me to be ashamed of,
Baby I flaunt it.
You talk and laugh about the way I look,
But don't understand that my ego can't be shook.
Mirrors upon mirrors upon mirrors
right left back forth I see my face
it's all shiney and rough
needing to much attention yet needing none
Pay no attention to that girl behind the curtain, she’s unsure of herself. On the outside she projects the illusion of being whole, and well put together. She walks with confidence, but not too much, she not’t conceited.
I look in the mirror
I don’t expect what I see
The reflection is not mine
Looking so perfect
With make-up, pretty hair
And a fabricated smile
The mirror of my soul
Is so much deeper
Counting the calories,
Secretly loving each bite,
Is being skinny
Worth all this fight?
Seeing your hipbones?
Collarbones too?
Searching for a thigh gap,
even though there's so much "you"?
Lure them in with your evanescent gleam.
Bind them into your eternal paradise.
Throw their hypnotic nothings to the wind.
Craft velvet wings from jewels.
Your primrose shimmer must never dull.
It was a dark and dour place,
A kind of checkerboard laced with millions of gray shades,
As if to prove there is no such thing as black and white,
At some point all the squares blurred into one,
We are the Ones.
The beaten,
the broken,
the abused.
We are the Silent.
Bearing our agony with closed mouths.
The quiet,
the strong,
the mute.
We are the Patient.
i hide behind a mask
So I could hide my tear
Soo that peole can't see my emotions
I make sure that no one can jude me
My sexuality is what hide the most from everyone
She is a hyprocrite
Full of contraditions
And consumed with a nonconformist spirit
She desires to be loved
Yet all she visualizes is hate
the mirror needs to be dirtier
if I feel like I can touch my reflection
as if it were another person
the mirror needs to be dirtier
if I am scared of what I see
the mirror needs to be dirtier
You see, weight is too much,
The pounds are too much,
The scale says "enough"
But the numbers don't bluff.
Below layers of fat
(Which really aren't there)
My Insecurities/Tearing my own skin/Drowning in my own thoughts/I am the creation of wonders/Rebuild my body, mind, and soul/Write out my demons/And tear the paper instead
I am a dystopia whose fault line you are just waiting to fracture,
Splintering me into chaotic shards,
The world tells me on that sunshine tulip-coated poster:
“You must love yourself before anyone can love you”
The truth of the matter is I am a black girl that can still rise
Not phased by oppression or depression I am indeed alive
My ancestor was a poet, a writer, and a friend
That means nothing in my life is limited
Where did it all go?
When had it left me?
My hopes, my dreams, my passion, my lust for life and success.
When you see my half smile and bright eyes from a flattering upward , slightly to the left, angle...what you cannot see is more important. The pain my heart and hurt in my veins do not flush to my cheeks or surface on my skin.
You kiss my forehead
gently
even between our sheets
all my warmth gathers there
your eyes look upon me
with such care
Am I in love?
I believe so
something radiates from you
Every morning,
A girl somewhere wakes up, rubs her big brown eyes and walks to her mirror
She looks at herself and sees a shell of a person
Whatever she feels on the inside is what she sees on the outside
“I’m fat”
She looks up at the clouded sun
For the thousandth time today
Feels the worlds ambience around her
May I be honest? May I speak my mind?
Would you still care, even if I crossed a line?
Or would my words become remnants of these broken halls, the walls echoing the cries of those never found
I'd change my face
The large pores, the dimpled chin
Sharpen the roundness, put teeth in a brace
My insecurities has taken Over all things me I can feel the change in my mind the hurt in my heart I no longer believe the words that are said I'm dead In the inside with no hopes of coming back you have broke me down to my last there is nothing
The poor teenage girl sits in her room to cry
Remembering all the mean things said today
"Lose some weight! Wear a mask! Just drop dead and die!"
On her bed, knees hunched, tears fall
A question that I often wonder
Fills my mind while the quiet world sleeps.
It seems to pull my sanity asunder,
And the better part of my brain it always reaps.
Behind those Red Lips
is a crooked smile.
Behind those shining eyes
is a fear for the future.
Behind that flawless face
Are imperfections.
The way we see ourselves is a very powerful thing. It not only builds or breaks the fortress around us it allows others to step into our realms and puncture our castles. It displays vulnerability and hides destruction.
What is a friend?
Is a friend someone you've known for years?
Someone you went to school with,
who listened while you wallowed in a pit of tears,
while deep inside they held something more.
He was here today.
And I don't know exactly how I feel about that.
We didn't talk.
I didn't look at him.
I looked past him mostly.
I did my thing, and played like it was all cool,
Like it was nothing.
Love to your body
Love to your psyche
Strip your insecurities
Reveal your humanity
While getting between your physical
Read words a million times
Until it is learned the millionth time.
Lost in a fumble of uncertainty
Because the ulcer of your indifference
Is a noxious depressant
Attacking my perception's cortex.
I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
I love being able to tell myself it'll be okay
Even though last night was nothing but a mess
I was able to wake up this morning with no stress
First it started with a snicker
Then there was a whisper
Now there is just my wimper
I feel so alone
With these scars on my heart
And the scars on my arms
They remind me of you
I am like a flowerThat dances in the windBeautiful and gentle like a roseBut every rose has its thorns
I look in the mirror
I wish I could see what you see
Skin so pale I could illuminate the dark
Curves in all the wrong places
Acne that covers my face
Oh the joy of being a teen
Hair that frizzes
Don't call me your angel. Don't call me your baby girl. I can't possibly belong to anyone. It's not by choice. It's just my destiny. I was meant to stand alone, an icon of myself. I was meant to be strong and a leader all my own. I'm hard to love
Insecurities
Insecurities is my name,
And yes I wear it proud.
Don't tell me that I'm not bad,
Just look at my style.
My profile, is up to date
They stare as if I'm some sort of monster,
As I walk insecure and somber.
No man dare look twice at me,
For I am the rancid beast.
We're so Starving.
Looking in the mirror, mistaking what we see for what we believe
Knowing the media makes billions of off billions of insecurities.
Humans on their knees, ashamed to feed
Who am i?
I don't know.
I feel so scared.
I feel so alone.
Thoughts run through my head.
Who am I?
Am I someone meant to be great?
Am I someone meant to be alone?
Who am I?
I am the person who you wish you could be
I am the wind beneath the wings of intelligence
Soaring above the haters
Exceeding any obstacles that I come by
Who am I?
Okay God,
what do I do now?
I've prayed and rebuked, but the feelings of everything cloud my mind.
It's not that I don't try, I won't lie, I do try...
But, peace never seems to pass me by.
anger with frustration
is a nasty combination
with a little confusion
and you mind will cave in
head simply spinning
can't concentrate
forget the date
and run in hell's direction
The world is so broad and wideFull of the imperfection only one could define,from the slashes here and there that lies up on one’s body, it’s hardly fairStanding As reminders of each scar
Sometimes,
you open your heart, just so it can be broken,
Sometimes,
you cry for it to be healed.
Somerimes,
you fight not knowing that
Sometimes,
this helps you change
Sometimes,
This is a hard to touch topicWithout feeling so many emotionsAnd so many hatred towards society
You say "we are all equal"
That this is home of the free
Yet you judge by my color not knowing what you see.
I could be red,purple,gold,or silver
But you look at me like I'm a stone figure
pushed in a locker with a blackened eye. head hits the back wall. falls unconcious. time passes by and the bell rings. too scared to move. too weak to push the door open. wanting to escape. the final bell rings. i open the door. ive escaped.
You're brittle and straining
Transparent and weak.
A ghost of a smile
Fading before your poisoned eyes,
A skeleton locked in a treasure cove.
You live amongst valleys and ridges and mountains.
My life can't be lived by others
So why do many try to control my actions
As I journey forward to a new life
My friend and family make factions
I have no hope for the past
I am not from
"the hood",
"the hicktown",
nor
the city.
I am not
Hispanic,
African,
European.
I am not
a star athlete,
a top student
of my class,
Broken Ones
You’ve been covered by black
A sadness that surrounds you
You’ve been laced in pain
You’re helpless to free yourself
You’ve been sitting in doubt
If you feel like you don’t belong
Its sad to live in a world
where you can break people with words
Its sad to live in a world
where you can die
thrice in a day
we all live in the world
and say "look at the bright side"
Sweet fly on the wall,
no one cares at all.
Waiting for your fall.
still no one to call.
Attack, attack they would say.
Ghastly figures to obey.
SWAT SWAT, oh dismay.
Why no pity, no different way?
One Day I Was Asked,
Why Do You Write ?
And The Person Expected A Simple Reply Such As,
It's Just Fun To Do
But My Reply Was Something Utterly Different
Stripped of my confidence,
I am struck by your harsh words.
You tell me that I cannot do it,
that I cannot achieve my dreams.
I am a fool, a mistake into this world.
A loner. A nobody.
The fight never ends for me.
My life, also known as the never-ending battle.
Murder. Murder my fear.
Kill. Kill the hate I feel.
The day will come when my enemy
takes my loved ones away from me.
The mental state of a young black kid is contended
The fast life he has seen on the screen is addictive
Having money and clothes is all he thinks about
Plus the thought of cigars going in his mouth
All is not lost
Blossoms bloom through frost.
Can’t the impossible be just a myth?
Did not David beat Goliath?
Everyone faces trials,
Fear, doubts, and denials.
Grin and bear it.
Life is what you make of things
They say you take the good with the bad
They say that life is full of wonders
That there is something waiting for you at the end of the long road
As he looks into the mirror, he sees a stranger with sharp eyes glaring
Who is this thing looking back at him?
Thick, dark brows furrow and small beady eyes look smaller
Who is this creature staring?
I want to invisible
never again seen
you are my tormentor
so cruel and mean
i have listened to you laugh
you haven't heard me cry
do you know how it feels
i ask myself why
do you know my pain
I was a Stopper, a panic, a coil,
Watching. With Awe. as my life would spoil
Away with fear as I lay in my slumber.
Falsely believing my days were numbered.
Don’t call me weak,
because a movie can cost me a tear.
I can be emotional, so to speak.
But calling me weak, I don’t adhere.
My senior year was stress incarnate,
struggling to stay straight-A,
terrified of graduation date,
striving to maintain 4.2 GPA.
Day in and Day out
Its the same fight
With you and with myself
The tears flood my eyes
The sharp metal in my grasp
Day in and Day out
Its the same fight
With you and with myself
The tears flood my eyes
The sharp metal in my grasp
Living in a crowded space as people move from place to place
I stare at the blurs of colors in my eyes and wonder were am I?
Were am I in this sea of blues, greens, and inbetweens?
I'm like a rubber band
I can't be broken
I have been hurt so many times that I'm not breakable
I have cried so many times that your words will never hurt
Stick and Stones may break my bones but words will never hurt
Brand new day, full of light.
Open the curtains, what a sight.
Put it behind you, leave it all behind.
Beautiful day, time to start new.
Sticks and stones, they no longer hurt you.
Down the stairs into the hall,
Red hot fire burns within.
A dark smoky haze surrounds me,
I choke on the hazy aura of depression.
My mind fogs over
I lose myself in the all consuming darkness
I might break. I already have.
Immortal souls don't last forever.
They are taken by greed.
Frozen in time and space.
Never changing.
Ceasing to live.
People are starving…
being slaughtered…
having to choose between family and passions…
praying to a God for their lives to taken out of their living hell…
Poor kid, Leave me alone. Leave the animosity from your personal experiences away from me. See I haven't done anything to you.
Broken glass at my feet.
The sound of thunder couldn't even defeat me now.
Anger strikes me like a bolt of lightning.
I understand why I feel like this now.
I was new at twelve in middle school of hell.
The beep,
The ping,
Spikes the fear.
What will it be now?
What will it bring?
She reaches,
She reads,
Her eyes begin to sting.
Her cheeks are wetted as her blood boils,
(I have not seen you nor have I known;
But I love you more than riches or gold.
I have not realized through images of art,
how close you really are to my heart.
You are my light, you make me smile;
(I have not seen you nor have I known;
Bu I love you more than riches or gold.
I have not realized through images of art,
how close you really are to my heart.
You are my light, you make me smile;
She cried.
In that room, with all of them together, it was as if they were all empty bodies.
They began to fill themselves with the words that wept from his tongue.
They lashed out at the crowd, shaming each heart.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones", but words have more power than the biggest army.
With each break, bones heal stronger,
but internal wounds never will.
Although they try.
Just before they are mended,
Who am I?
I'm a dreamer, I'm a realist
I'm a student, I'm a teacher
I'm a friend, I'm a sister
I am young, but I am wise
I am fearless, but reserved
I am happy, but I am worried
How many times do you live to tell a lie
to hurt me just a little and to see me shed a cry
How many times do you live to see the day
the day that hurts me more and more in every little way
She walks by and I see your eyes drift away from me,
As if our conversation means nothing at all,
On a different day I would let it be;
I knew it was always for you I would fall.
So I sit here and wonder in my head,
Who am I?
I wonder as I stare at the sky.
I think about my life and can't help but wonder ..why?
What is my purpose?
I ponder while gazing into the fire of furnace.
What am I like beneath the surface?
I wish I could see the light,
But that's a struggle, a fight.
The past has made me stronger
Indeed, I shall live longer
Today I saw Sunshine in the clouds,
The kind that makes me happy.
Today I saw Sunshine in the sky,
The kind that makes me cry.
Today I saw Sunshine in the dark,
The kind that makes me sway.
I hope to see your smiling face,
to see the touch of fath.
but in your hands my hope is dead,
to cold to hear thy voice.
I cry and scream to hear the hope,
but only to be deined.
they say YOU ARE:
iNsignificant
wOrthless
Trivial
Annoying
daFt
tAnlentless
stupId
Lazy
loUd
depRessing
Easy
The sky is clear, but in this cage it is hard to notice. This cage that constricts me from seeing beyond the bars is unbearable, and I am unable to set myself free.
How are you so sure that this is my proper cover?
There is no clear label marked on this pink blanket
I think I should dissolve the adhesive,
peel it off,
and start over
Behind this smile lies something underneath, that the naked eye cannot see.
I'm filled with insecurities and worries.
But in time I'll overcome them, just like the protagonist in one of those made up stories.
