He was here today.

And I don't know exactly how I feel about that.

We didn't talk.

I didn't look at him.

I looked past him mostly.

I did my thing, and played like it was all cool,

Like it was nothing.

He did his thing.

But deep inside, I wanted and want to know what he's thinking,

feeling.

I wanted and want to see inside his mind,

his heart.

I've felt this kind of love before.

But I'm hoping, with my eyes squeezed so tightly together,

That it won't end up the way it always does.

I've been hurt,

and in so much pain.

And I've been hurting for him too.

Because I want so bad for him to love me.

Today, we stayed to ourselves,

In our own little circles.

But I wanted so much to talk to him,

To hear his deep, mellow voice,

His laugh.

To have him lean in close to me and us just talk.

And keep on talking.

Washing away my inhibitions and insecurities,

Stowing away the awkwardness.

I want to grow close to him.

And share infinite hugs.

And kiss him.

But I just stayed to myself.

And he stayed to himself.

And I feel really sad about that.