Crossroads
Location
Dear Creation,
I am at a crossroads with myself
a sinner with high standards
believing that someday I’ll find happiness
with someone
when I tell white lies, I feel guilty from the depth of my core
when I’m kind, I know I can conquer the world
I analyze my flaws every minute
but I always work towards self improvement
a crushing weight hovers high over my head
ready to crash in at any second
plenty of scars are etched beneath my surface
I might appear concrete to the outsiders
but I need rest when my heart cracks
even when I try to never appear broken
I get hard on myself
my mistakes consume me
I don’t feel like I’m enough
regularly clumsy
but when I fall, I always rise
with splinters trapped inside
which take time to peel away
to heal the wounds that once defined
me
there is pain in everything
opportunities to choose pity or peace
I find blessings in the wind
and watching human shadows run like puppets on the sidewalk
I am 19
still joyfully dancing in the dark
I find joy in healing and hard work
listening to strangers who just seek
friends
each day ebbs and flows
more time, more hope
focusing on the wrinkles that reside in deep lines under my eyes
from the countless laughter and the wonderful times that I’ve lived through
far better than wasting my breath on hatred, jealously, fear, and envy
all useless and painful idiosyncrasies
that don’t suit me
well
I am not the prettiest
I am not close to being the best
and I promise that I am working towards acceptance
I have such a long way to go
on this turbulent, winding life-long road
I am at a crossroads with myself
once again
never surprised that this always happens
Learning to love,
Myself