Dear Creation,

I am at a crossroads with myself

a sinner with high standards

believing that someday I’ll find happiness

with someone

when I tell white lies, I feel guilty from the depth of my core

when I’m kind, I know I can conquer the world

I analyze my flaws every minute

but I always work towards self improvement

a crushing weight hovers high over my head

ready to crash in at any second

plenty of scars are etched beneath my surface

I might appear concrete to the outsiders

but I need rest when my heart cracks

even when I try to never appear broken

I get hard on myself

my mistakes consume me

I don’t feel like I’m enough

regularly clumsy

but when I fall, I always rise

with splinters trapped inside

which take time to peel away

to heal the wounds that once defined

me

there is pain in everything

opportunities to choose pity or peace

I find blessings in the wind

and watching human shadows run like puppets on the sidewalk

I am 19

still joyfully dancing in the dark

I find joy in healing and hard work

listening to strangers who just seek

friends

each day ebbs and flows

more time, more hope

focusing on the wrinkles that reside in deep lines under my eyes

from the countless laughter and the wonderful times that I’ve lived through

far better than wasting my breath on hatred, jealously, fear, and envy

all useless and painful idiosyncrasies

that don’t suit me

well

I am not the prettiest

I am not close to being the best

and I promise that I am working towards acceptance

I have such a long way to go

on this turbulent, winding life-long road

I am at a crossroads with myself

once again

never surprised that this always happens

Learning to love,

Myself