slamforsuicideawarenessandprevention
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I have disappeared.
Disappearence is common.
Allies swallow people.
Lakes surround a soul and rob them.
This is not a dissapearence I have been dealing with.
Open your eyes
And see the truth that you are blind to
Open your eyes
See all the joys that you have missed
Open your eyes
See all the nights I searched to find you
Open your eyes
"You can be anything you want,"
They sang to me on my eighth birthday.
You can be a doctor, a musician
Or a happy astronaut.
And I believed all that they said,
And that night in my bed
Stand Tall
Stay Strong
That’s what they say
But do they understand the natural urge
The natural inclination to hurt oneself
It’s not something we asked for
None of us thought we’d be “that” kid
Once someone asked me, What happened to you?
What happened to me? What did they mean?
The mirror showed it all.
My shoulders were now sagging and my eyes looked cold.
You would have thought i was born with scars
Adults always tell us
that they know best
They have more experience,
and time, they'll attest
They feed those words
Into our brains
Inject that message into
our infant veins
A proud man who always worked hard
Never gave up and reached for the stars
Held out his arms when we'd fall
He helped us be strong to stand tall
Made us laugh through the years
Immune to love immune to pain
Feelings, thoughts unfelt, in vain
Her eyes aligned to vacancy
Trapped in remains of broken dreams
A cold facade, call her a fraud
But if only you could see,
You're so confused
Living life day to day
You're so new to this
Just don't look back to yesterday
Do you know what it's like to walk on a bridge that is deteriorating?
That is strung between the high plateaus on either side of a canyon floating,
No safety net.
An abyss below, an abyss of failure,
She comes hom with a smile on her face,
Nobody dares ask why,
But if you look at the joyous space,
There is sadness in her eyes.
She laugs to convince that she's okay,
Though they do not notice anyway,
I can see the end
And the story cannot be changed
No matter what I would like to pretend
This book is already written
From the first page to the last
It has planned my life unbidden
Emotions, the power that drives us
every day and every hour.
Its what makes a person unique
The identity within every single persons ,
Some bad and some good
Along long with the negative, comes the positive.
You know what sucks?
My pain in my heart
I'm losing my luck
It taste bitter and tart
I feel tired all the time
Yet my heart races fast
I'm losing my prime
My time won't last
Impressive in your eyes I seem,
but more Impressive yet are you
who believe in my life so vague,
filtered to exclude the truth.
My anxious fingers produce
Young in age but aged so young
Denied no hymnal yet to be sung.
Against Her good nature, no heed to Her grace
Death stole a lamb with no wool to replace.
Left in the Valley, taken tomorrow
The feeling of depression bogs you down,
all the negatives are collapsing over and over again.
No one is there, and no one can help,
No one knows you, and you are all alone.
Darkness
Is all I can see
Death
Is all I dream
Happiness
Has long since faded away
Struggle
Each and every single day
Mind
Is slowly turning to dust
Pain
Wounded Healer
His footprints fade from the sand on the beach.
I understand that depression it kills
Cause my bestfriend swallowed handfuls of pills
I sit on the cliffs of melancholy,
listening as the waves of despair roll in and out.
I hear a scream, a splash,
As someone gives in and jumps,
a knife, a gun, a rope in their hand.
Should I follow?
Breathless and grasping for air
My breath chokes for the wind,
My lungs don't seem to dare,
You sit in your room
thinking of all possible ways
overdose
Hanging
Shooting
Jumping
They constantly run through your head
You cant decide which one
You go to bed
She sat there in disbelief,
The things they had written were so malicious.
She read the words on the screen:
Whore, slut, bitch.
I was misguided. My demons would taunt me. Convince me to wander on countless occasions. I'd roam around until they'd finally attack. They always did and always do, as soon as they see their chance. They feed on any sign of weakness.
Rescue me from this broken heart
And all that is dark
From this stolid state
And harm that awaits
Take me far away
To my happy place
Hopefully you're not too late
Rescue me
Screaming on the inside, praying that I can go and hide.
No one sees the demons that pull at me inside.
I laugh outside, as I cry inside.
She was a girl that wore a smile But only for a short while, She thought life was easy from what she heard But it was all lies Her life began to hurt and pain kept coming Like bullets from a gun, She was alone With no strength to hold on She felt
Our eyes are once again forced open by the sound of a beeping alarm. Morning has stolen our precious sleep.
When she was fifteen,
Her pure pigment spirit was watered down
By the unrelenting attack of paintbrushes lined with insults, deceit, and betrayal.
She became transparent, translucent,
I see the body, still and pale from its own self slaughter. The fragility is unsurpassable, my eyes overflow.
I smell the self-hatred, the terror, the finalization. The strength overwhelms me, I cannot breath.
I wish that I could tell you,
About all my seasons of grey
I would tell you about the pain
That never seems to end
i just think if i could change.....
what would i do?
how could i make them sorry that they evr did this to me?,
Because they lied and promised things like a loving family, but when night comes im cold and alone,
I've heard that life isn't worth leaving.
That it's selfish to take your life away.
Why do we think that way?
Has life taken us in it's death grip?
Can we stand up, can we take the trip?
Smiling, laughing, eternally cheery
Why can't anyone hear my screaming?
Showing the world my best face
Make sure that the mask stays
"Alone, alone, alone..."
The phrase that plagues my mind day in and day out...
Yet it rings true about who I really am.
I am alone.
Feeling ever so distant;
Looking out at the vastness of space
I see that my life, my troubles,
are petty
and insignificant.
Who are we?
So meaningless and small
Our lives
just pinpoints of time and space
I stay positive for friends and foes.
They're the ones who need it the most.
I try to be the light of their lives.
Just to keep them one more night.
Alive.
They need to know someone cares.
So I spoke to them today:
I asked for their names.
They certainly gifted me with lines of organized syllables and vowels
but not their names.
Freak, Loser, Hopeless, Worthless. These words followed her home.
She clicked the lock on the bathroom door so no one could hear her sobs.
When I look in the mirror I see the real me.
When other people look at me, they see the façade that I put up so they won't know me, and judge me and make me feel like... nothing.
Stomping on my heart he flew away
To someone who had torn his heart
Another victim of rape and losing hope of love
Broken relationships due to constant sexual abuse
I know there's no hope left
With a world filled with hatred, a world or sorrow
Maybe no one would notice if I disappear tomorrow
In the heat of all the chaos, in all the confusion
Within the earth I created fusion
My face, a closed mask
My feelings, bottled in
A smile, plastered on my face
No one looks, behind the mask
No one sees, what I am in
I'm angry at the world
I see you struggling,
I have no idea what to do.
How can I be so helpless
When I've been through this too?
I remember feeling scared,
And so lonely I could scream;
But I was stuck behind a smile
It's been a long year round
our feet still barely on the ground
I've talked you off the cliff
more times than I can count
I've learned some things to say
but I'm still learning every day
The Reason I cry: to cry for all who feel pain
The Reason I laugh: to show my pain
The Reason I sing: to tell a story
The Reason I talk loud: to make my soft and meek voice be heard
The monster who creeps in your window asking you to come towards it, whispering in your ear, hands you a blade
"Take it, and let your only friend heal you, let it go and come with me"
Don't worry.
It may seem as if the rain will never go away
But I promise the winds will eventually change.
Besides, not every cloud brings rain.
Sometmes you just need to change your point of view.
I take a step back
catch my breath.
Hand on my chest,
feeling the heart beat.
Glad I still possess.
Is a lost love able
to take a part of me?
That familiar pain,
Why are you this way?
Why do you wish to escape the hands that brought you to life
Do you wish to die my love?
Or have you already died....?
I wish you could hear them, the screams inside my head.
I wish you could feel it, the monster beneath my skin,
I wish you could fight them, without a blade to untouched skin,
You're falling.
You try to grab onto something, but everything escapes from your grasp.
You're bawling.
You don't know how to escape from this life of pain.
Darkness is all there is.
Darling, darling she’s losing sleep,
She can’t keep track of all her sheep,
Numbness and tasteless overflow,
When will these feelings ever go?
Nightmares flooding her dark abyss,
In our lives we learn many different things, like how redbull doesn't really give you wings. Or how there are no monsters underneath our beds, because they're all too busy dancing inside of our heads.
Little girl's tears run down a red cheek
All she ever heard is "You are such a freak!"
Sitting quietly with metal death in her hand
With a lot of fear and nothing more to stand
My love had a brother once
Lost as he was
Then one day he was no more
He tore himself from his life
Stole himself from his friends, his family
You can say that I'm growing.
I guess you can say that,
but, my feet remain tender
and my legs remain weak.
So built in appearance, so honored in name.
However, I wish I could make my name become sane.
Oh never mind me
I'm just a little spacey
I won't bother you
Oh never mind me
I don't need any help, thank you
I wouldn't bother you
Oh never mind me
You feel the heat rushing through your veins; the time is now.
All of the things that have caused you pain will vanish before the dawn arises.
You hear the whispers.
Your hear the rumors.
Everyone is talking.
Everyone is judging.
Stands on edge of precipice,
Ebony abyss
Battle born, there has never
Been a war like this.
Criss-cross grooves from razor blades
Creeping up young arms
Voice in barren wilderness,
She stood.
She faced her worst enemy. Looked her dead in the eyes.
Even though her enemy's face was cracked and broken, the enemy stared.
A menacing growl came from her lips.
But,
She stood.
Cracks shine through the sides only to be left
A dark cloud comes through, a dissapointment
They expected something different not theft
Not suddenly drained of their excitement
Tweedle-Dee, tweedle-dum.
She lays there likes a drum, as he's pounding into her.
Treating her like no one.
This goes on every night, and days when Aunty is away.
He rapes her and beats her, forcing her to stay.
The way they smile
With their mouth and not their eyes
gives them a feeling
of being tortured in side
hiding under smiles of lies
causing them to question
their reason to continue to live their life
Ocean eyes that tell a story
about the rough seas
though you would never know
He reveals a smile
of innocent perfection
so you cannot see, nor hear
about how his ship rocked
You think you are safe
you think you are sound-
A place where many are not found
for what they want is not what they need-
but they search on in this unfamiliar place.
flooding with ignited thoughts
---you don't have to do this
tons of pressure push you to the ground
---please don't
stress is the leash that tightens its grip
---I will listen, I promise
No one notices how you cry at night.
No one notices how your heart aches through the day.
No one notices your depression.
now i think...
when i lived on 51st
there was no such thing as dreams
not even in my sleep
i would wake up screaming
but no one would ever hear me
was it my fault that nobody was there for me?
Nights are probably the worst
The sun goes down and the dark wraps around me
Nobody to disract me from the screaming voices in my head
My heart, beating out of my chest in pain
So silent,
So empty
Come child
Come to me childy
Allow me to wrap my arms of darkness around you.
I can make you forget all the pain and hurt.
You'll never be cold in my arms, youll never have to shiver in the cold Winter wind.
People say I'm happy, that I'm never without a smile.
I bet those people would be pretty surprised to find that I used to spend nights wishing to die.
There is a mask that every person fakes,
Dont judge me, you don't know how I feel.This pain in my heart, the stabbing, it's real.
"You'll be happy."
it wispers.
"I undestand."
it tells me.
"It all will go away"
it explains.
"They'll move on"
it says.
Everyone has hard times.
A black hole in their life.
Always there wanting you to jump in.
Your entire life you walk around it.
Somedays you want to jump in.
Not knowing where it leads.
I looked at you,
you looked at me.
We locked eyes.
You smiled at me.
I smiled back.
I shoud've seen the pain.
I should've known.
But I didn't see the pain.
And I didn't know.
A beautiful Tuesday.
Seventh period.
A chair was full.
Full of life, full of curiosty
And love. Full of logic
and a bold personaity
On a beautiful Tuesday night
I am a sickness
I am a sickness that will never leave you
I am at the back of your mind
I will cause you sleepless nights
I am just a mistake away
I am what will give you ease
The darkness of trouble
The dark room
where you think the issue being your own character
Sorrow is giving your face wrinkles
and that's when you start hating your character
[For every single]
Person all alone, every
Gap in the system, all the
People with a thought thinking
Nobody will miss them, every
Lie ever told behind a
Smile on the surface, and
I live through depression,
He runs through my veins,
He sneaks up on me,
When I feel astrain,
He burdens my mother,
And her mother too,
We three share him,
She's not your regular girl
shes outgoing, fun,loving
you might even say she's popular
and her beauty, well, gets every guy on their knees
her big plum red lips, that taste like strawberries
I no longer want to be in this relationship.I want to try new things and be free.
The day started fine, soccer practice began
I saw an old friend, while my teammates ran.
He looked very lonely, his eyes a deep blue
I wanted to stop or have him run too.
Lonesome
was my companion
it over clouded me
through the fog of angst
I didn't trust it
it didn't trust me
trap in a cocoon
of self loathing
I was in darkness
One day we were laughing and smiling
The next I get a call
She's Gone
Her life was too overwhelming
Pushed her
Over the
Edge
No one ever knew, she played it coy
I wake up.
I dread the day.
I shrug of pain.
I pretend I'm not alone.
I go home.
Why I live I don't know.
I watch the news.
The genie has left the bottle.
A nanny goes away.
I shout into the cold, crisp night.
My words echo in the emptiness that is my soul.
“Why me?”
Why do I have to be different?
Why must my brain be “Imbalanced”?
I have everything I need.
If you decided to leave
I'd have to live with a heart broken in two
If you decided to leave
I'd lie on your grave and only dream of you
If you decided to leave
1.) Get as much money as you can, catch a cab, bus, train, plane, etc. and get the hell away
2.) Create a virtual world online and never leave your room
3.) screw an ugly guy in return for a hitchhike ride across the country
Angst with bone trembling
Is how I woke up this morning.
I don't recall when I fell asleep because of the smell.
This hotel is cold;
And quite frankly falling apart.
No one sees who I am inside
No one can understand
Depression is my darkside
It seems to have the upper hand
I feel bombarded by the crowds of fans
They only know what is on the surface
A majestic sky covers the entire world
Beauty rains down into everyone from it
Yet, I must have been left out of this storm
No beauty can exist in my soul
Nor this imperfect skin I live in
It's easy to let oneself fall
Upon hearing that blue call
It's hard to stand with it all
All that sadness and your still tall
Its easy to take that knife
End all your strife
Don't drown in it, they said
The complex idea of conformity
The self indulgence of the waves
Those that wash your being away with the rest of what evolves us
into what we call the world.
I have to let you go.
I need to move on.
I need to be happy,
And you just made that harder for me.
I will never forget you.
You once made me happy,
And made me believe I was a princess.
You missed the day in biology when your teacher went over
the composition of the human body.
Maybe if you knew you were 93% stardust
you wouldn't have sparked your supernova,
Heavy
The weight impregnated the idea of perceiving the devastatingly beautiful ballast at eye level
The ponderous mass remained drooped to my side unmoving as Arthur's Excalibur
A world without it
Many lose it
Too much darkness
It's hard to find it
But it's stored in our dreams
It's hope in times like these
This emptiness inside of me,
I really can't explain
how everything I try to do
slowly fades to grey.
Imagine yourself standing
in the bottom of a pit
no way out
no way in.
"Hey, how are you?"
I say, "I'm fine." Totally fine.
I'm always fine...
It's truly a superficial question; no one wants the truth. They won't dig and burrow, they wont try to tunnel into my thoughts.
I am a Painter of Another Day
Another sleepless night,
Another day avoiding glances,
Another day pretending to be happy,
Anothr fake smile,
And another day hiding the scars covering my skin.
