there are some things that can be said and some that cant.
I have something dark
and inside its buried.
I want to forget it ever happened.
it just keeps occurring.
it rejoices my name and slices me up. I'm ready to go.
I ask to be saved.
so I can go home.
but it's too easy.
I need to make more mistakes.
so I can feel more pain.
lain here in my bed I say bring me more pain. show me the wrath. 
I wonder if it's worth it.
then I think about how burning an eternity could be any worse than suffering what seems an eternity.
I think about the seven wanders and wish my pain was dead.
I were dead.
my birthday wish.
to be gone from pain. 
kill me now.
suffer later.
show me peace.
rejoice my pain.
love me by day. 
in every which way.
keep my deep dark secret.