15 years, 3000 miles

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15 years,3000 miles.

I looked down at my phone to see the clock that still read Boston time. It brought back memories of one man and the rush to my flight. I still remember the fear of almost missing my boarding time. I never felt the relief that should have come when I made it.

 

Why is my heart still so anxious?

 

 

 

Loud noises still bother me.

 

 

My heart still beats a little faster when my phone rings, even though I've changed my number.

 

I still have nightmares.

I still can't look at needles.

I still feel alone when I'm not.

I still feel like crying for no reason.

I still wonder if I should just let myself.

I still remember smiling when I felt like dying.

I still remember the disgust, the hatred, the fear.

 

 

 

 

Sometimes I get a shock when I look in the mirror, then I remember I dyed my hair when I arrived here.

 

 

 

Sometimes I go to call someone that's no longer here.

And maybe it hasn't been long enough for 15 years of feelings to disappear.

 

 

 

 

I still remember, and sometimes I wish I could just forget.

 

 

But then I look in the mirror and realize that I'm looking at a girl who traveled 3000 miles alone, leaving behind the only place she's ever known.

 

 

 

I've realized I can stand any storm

 

 

 

And I've decided a girl with a chipped heart is better.

Than a girl that's afraid of the weather.

 

 

 

So I'll keep the pain and remember.

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