15 years,3000 miles.
I looked down at my phone to see the clock that still read Boston time. It brought back memories of one man and the rush to my flight. I still remember the fear of almost missing my boarding time. I never felt the relief that should have come when I made it.
Why is my heart still so anxious?
Loud noises still bother me.
My heart still beats a little faster when my phone rings, even though I've changed my number.
I still have nightmares.
I still can't look at needles.
I still feel alone when I'm not.
I still feel like crying for no reason.
I still wonder if I should just let myself.
I still remember smiling when I felt like dying.
I still remember the disgust, the hatred, the fear.
Sometimes I get a shock when I look in the mirror, then I remember I dyed my hair when I arrived here.
Sometimes I go to call someone that's no longer here.
And maybe it hasn't been long enough for 15 years of feelings to disappear.
I still remember, and sometimes I wish I could just forget.
But then I look in the mirror and realize that I'm looking at a girl who traveled 3000 miles alone, leaving behind the only place she's ever known.
I've realized I can stand any storm
And I've decided a girl with a chipped heart is better.
Than a girl that's afraid of the weather.
So I'll keep the pain and remember.