In Memory of Andrea Vaughan

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I wonder what it felt like

I wonder what she saw

I wonder where she is now

And I wonder what were her thoughts

 

Did she see a light?

Did she feel any pain?

Did she mean to hurt us?

Was it all part of her plan?

 

Did she put the gun below her chin?

Did she cock it in her mouth?

Or did she shoot straight through her heart,

While all alone in her lonely house?

 

What made her do it this time?

And what made her change her MO?

Was it me, was it a guy, or was it overall life,

That made her want to end the show?

 

Is she okay now?

Is she in a heaven or hell?

Will she be alright?

Or will she cry out for help?

 

 

Was she thinking about us?

Did she think about how we would feel?

Did she leave a note to explain to us,

Why God would leave us with such an ugly deal?

 

Did she even believe in God at the time?

Did she know he would be disappointed?

Did she even care anymore?

Or was she once again Wiccan?

 

What my mom did,

It wasn’t right

It hurt us all

When she gave up the fight

 

But I love my mom

No matter what

Even after everything

Although now that door is shut

 

I was sitting there

Opening presents for my birthday

When I got a tragic call

One that was more than to my dismay

 

The night before,

At eleven-thirty

She had shot herself

And left a note bloody

 

Inside it read:

I’m sorry I hurt you

And I know this is selfish

Forgive me for the things I’ve done

But for you, I have one wish

 

Don’t make the same mistakes as I

I want only the best for you

So please listen to what I say,

Take care of yourself and your sister too

 

Make a life of your own

And raise your children good

Don’t get down when things get rough

And do what you know you should

 

Stay joyous and know I’m watching over you

I’ll guide you when I can

To be sure you make the right choices,

I’ll lend you a helping hand

 

I love all of my family

And I hope you all know this

I messed up and I screwed up

And now your lives are something I’ll have to miss

 

But do not worry

I am better now

So know I love you all

And that’s a vow

 

So mourn for me yesterday

And miss me for today

But tomorrow, rejoice

For happiness is where I shall stay

 

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