In our lives we learn many different things, like how redbull doesn't really give you wings. Or how there are no monsters underneath our beds, because they're all too busy dancing inside of our heads. Or how spoons aren't really Airplanes and how dogs are harder to train than you thought or how your shoelaces aren't really bunny ears or how your greatest fear aren't really that horrifying when compared to premonitions of yourself dying.
So you wake up startled in a deep cold sweat and your clothes and pillow are soaking wet. And your heart is beating faster than ever before, even though you managed to wake up before seeing the Gore. So you get and go to get some water, trying to stay quiet so you don't wake up your father. Your family in their beds all happily sleeping, while your curled up in a ball just silently weeping. So You wipe away the tears then go back to sleep. Waking up to sound of your alarm clocks beep the next day. Having to go to school and pretend that everything is okay. Having to laugh and fake a smile, while all the while you're really dying inside. Running, looking for a place to hide.
So you, sit in the back of class, staring into space, just waiting for the time to pass. And you don't learn, you just sit there. You just breathe and suck in air, because you have to. Not because its something that you want to do. And when class is over you're the first one out the door, walking quickly, eyes focused on the floor. Ignoring everyone calling you names. You've heard them all before, they're all the same. Hey stupid, hey loser, hey loner, hey nerd. Hey fatso, hey spazz, hey ugly, hey turd. And you ignore them, so they don't know they hurt you. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing it's all true.
So you, put on your fake smile and walk away. And you mark it on your wrist as just another bad day. It's just one of many is the excuse that you say. An excuse for all the marks lined down your wrist. An excuse for every single slash, every twist. Then you wear long sleeves to cover the scars. Spending hours just wishing you'd get hit by a car. Because when you get home it only get worse. Your parents don't care if you were their first. They just ignore you all day long. Because to them, every decision that you make is wrong. So you spend all day just hearing them yell. Screaming that they won't buy all the bullshit you sell. Telling you you're stupid or that you're on drugs, but weren't they the ones who taught you hugs not drugs? But here they are yelling all the time. When you haven't even committed a crime. Why can't they just show you love and affection? Why do they insist that you must be perfection?
Then to top it all off, worst of all, you develop an eating disorder and start to get small. And no one even notices, they don't say a thing. So you freak out and start tripping. Cause you're rushing to the bathroom every time you eat. You pray to the porcelain god as you throw up some meat. Now, you haven't eaten in days and you're starting to feel sick. You need an exit plan, gotta escape this shit. And people text you wondering if you're okay. So you respond with lie, you say, "Yeah. I'm just having a bad day."
So you're tossing and turning and crying while you sleep. Because you're buried in your problems, you're stuck underneath. And you've got no shovel to dig your way out. So you scream and you shout, but no one hears a thing. Because they're all too busy waiting for their phones to ring. Because it seems like no one's ever there. And it seems like there's never someone that cares. So you tell everyone to Shuttup and put a cap in it. Then you get up and run over to the medicine cabinet. Pull out a bottle and dump out all the pills. You take a deep breath and go for the kill. Shove them in your mouth and force them down with some water. Now you'll no longer be a bother. And you just lay on the floor just waiting to die. You don't even bother saying goodbye. Leaving all these unanswered questions with no reason why. Causing all your friends and family to cry. Everyone shows up to your funeral, they all cared. Problem is that you never asked them to be there.
So Please let this be a lesson, just know. That no matter what you're never alone. Please don't be afraid to reach out for help, Because sometimes you just cannot help yourself. Sometimes in the commotion our faith gets lost. And sadly our life ends up being the cost.
Please understand that depression is real. Depression is a disease that can and will kill. And anyone can have depression, even your mum. So Please don't be afraid to reach out to a friend. It might be wierd, but it'll all be worth it in the end. Or you can call the suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They'll talk to you and help you stay alive. Together we can all stop this disease. So I'm asking you, Im begging you, Please.
Dont be afraid to talk to someone, because it's so much easier than reaching out for a gun. There's always gonna be a person that cares. There's always going to be someone that's there. I promise that someone out there loves you. Please believe me when I say that it's true. So Please think twice before you end your life, Because I promise you that in the end... It'll all be Alright.