Why I Can't Give Up

Thu, 09/25/2014 - 14:37 -- mirwood

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I shout into the cold, crisp night.

My words echo in the emptiness that is my soul.

“Why me?”

Why do I have to be different?

Why must my brain be “Imbalanced”?

 

I have everything I need.

A big house,

Food,

Family,

Three dogs,

Good friends.

The list goes on forever.

 

However, there is another list.

My list.

A list that I have created in my dark corner.

A list that explains everything to me.

 

I should just give up.

Go out every night,

Smoke and drink,

Party till I throw up,

Cut myself when I am sad,

Kill myself when there is no other option.

 

My life is a mistake.

My birth was an accident.

Everything I do is wrong.

I am terrible.

 

I’m scared.

I want to kill myself.

But I am getting help.

It just isn’t working.

 

There’s so many ways.

Overdose,

Drowning,

Hanging,

Falling,

Car wrecks.

 

But I have a nephew.

He is my life now.

And I have friends.

They may not always be here,

But they are here now.

And I have family.

Family that cares,

Even if I don’t believe them.

 

I can’t give up,

But I want to everyday.

My life is a mistake,

And so am I.

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