Outcast
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The piece missing from every puzzle
And when found
I don't fit
Some will try hard
To press their thumbs
Jamming me in and out of every corner
Where I was not made to be
So many pieces,
You don't feel safe
Within those walls
You're ridiculed and teased
For being different and strange
They found something
There's a bullet hole
Here in this brain
Don't look too close
You'll scream in pain.
I live through this,
Everyday
But no one sees,
So I don't say a thing.
There's metal beams.
I sit alone in this class so cold with my head bowled and feeling low. These feelings that run through my brain by day, my veins by night are the feelings of rejection, pain and fright.
When I woke up today
It didn't feel like it was in my bedroom
I was doomed
In a cage
But the keys are in my hands
It's strange
Am I afraid?
No, but they keep judging me
And my pain
Outcast you may call me.
If that what it has to be.
I will not change my ways.
Because you can't accept, what is happening these days.
It is not a crime for me to love.
I wish I was normal. I wish I was just like you.
Well, maybe not “JUST” like you, but close enough.
Close enough to fit in like you.
Close enough to blend in with the crowd
I’m praying for a troubled girl,who wishes for a change.Everyday she feels different,everyday she feels strange.
They think I’m awesome
Of course they do
I’ve got all the answers
And I’ll give them to you
For free, like my heart
Rotten Apples
Rotten Apples
I’m the apple at the bottom of the tree
I smoke a joint by myself I married Mr. Lonely
I got boogers in my nose
I got cheese between my toes
Rotten Apples
I am seventeen, Latina, born in San Juan.
I went to school there then here.
I am the only Latina in my class.
My name is...
Well who cares, anyway?
Who has truly cared as to whether or not my mouth formed words?
I was an outcast,
A weirdo,
A lame boy,
Geek,
Nerd,
Goggles...
There is this girl
Who can´t help but
Feel like an outcast
Even in a room of people
Where she is supposed
To be able to be herself
She calls herself the outcast
the outcast, the outcast
simply suffer in silence
as solitude seeks me out
my mind is full of violence
but against these thoughts i shout
falling deep in day dreams
i find the pain there doesn't count
your fine,
This darkness of mine is not worthy of my home’s beauty
And you care not, for in you there is no darkness at all.
You know not of the rolling hills that I sat and longed for mutely.
NOT NEEDED
I came in this world as a reject.
No one wanted me and no one needed me.
But then one day.... That one day.
I found an outcast kind of like me.
SMOOTH IS AS SMOOTH DOES
==========================
Dedicated to: The Classmate of Political Science II
Fall 1996
Skipping class cause I ain’t got time for this. I got too many vines to watch. Too many boys to kiss and twerk videos to make.
You mask your hellBecause no one understoodYet you open to one personA stranger who came from the shadowsSomeone who doesn't know human conditionsBut you felt close to them
Wreckage of my life
Remains through time
Ever crumbling
Touching my mind.
Caught in my head
Hell in the words unsaid
Eternaly burning for
Dead and broken dreams.
We are called by many names:
Nerd
Geek
Dork
Freak
Loser
Wallflower
Loner
Nobody
Faces without names,
Smiles to hids pain,
Walls to defend shaken spirits
I'm surround by close minded individuals + heartless souls.
No one really vibes with me.
No one really fucks with me.
No one can understand the gold + wisdom that comes from my tongue.
Day in and day out.
What do you do when your house doesn’t feel like home?
What do you do when you don’t connect with your family?
You sit stranded on your own little island pretending it’s alright.
But it isn’t.
Once I forgot the tune to a song
once I got my spelling words wrong
once in PE I fell on my face
This is my facade
My mask, my security
My assuracnce of no judgement
I walk around, unhappy
Not okay with who I really am
I pretend to like guys, and only guys
Everyone wears a mask.
It's as if we're all at a ball.
Who are you really?
I may never know.
I've always thought of being a person doing a lot of things. The world was my oyster and I have the capabilities to do anything I set my mind to
I move through the halls with barely a glance.
People won't talk to me, won't give me a chance.
They hardly notice if my appearance I enhance.
I am not a ghost.
I spend most of the day inside my head,
Have you ever felt like you're in the shadows waiting for your time to shine?
Have you ever felt like you're tumbling over, caught on the borderline?
Violence, much happens to people who keep silence
Oppression led the oppress to depression
One gun can kill many sons
Teenage girls are confused, all bruised
Her eyes have witnessed horrorsIn the darkest of nights and the brightest of daysIf you'd look within them deep enough They would give all her secrets away
You broke my heart when you sai goodbye
You made me cutt and want to die
You told me you love me and that you cared
You even got me a cute teady bear
I gave you my heart
And you tore it apart
i look at this blank page; or
I I try to see bend the words
Flowing from my own pen
I look and I won't see the the truth in the words I write-
I will look and I won't see that my mind is in a fight
AS darkness takes over
my plea is to be free,
but all it does
is take over me.
I hope for a candle,
but no, it's to bright.
so instead,
I search for the right.
You are in my darkness,
Everyday I wonder why
Everyday I look into your eyes
I see what I don't want to be
Everyday I picture a dream in my head
One so profound I feel as if it can never be crushed
I had met with an angel.
Here's what he had said:
Love me forever, and it costs but one small thing
a life, fleeting
a soul-less little thing
your soul I ask to bring.
I had met with that angel
Every day,
I fake a smile,
I look at the world through dead eyes,
I slice up my wrists,
And I bruise my thighs,
They beckon to me,
The colorful pills,
The nylon rope,
The loaded gun,
Why is it that when you lose a love your heart breaks,
if love is just a chemical addiction produced by our brains?
Why does it feel like your thoracic cavity is hollow,
A stranger...
A feeling...
True or not
Days, Months, Years...
Friends, Best friends, lovers...
One day, eyes are on her
Slowly Slowly dissapear infront...
of my eyes...
Some will never know the joy but only the end
they'll never see the light when the light has dimmed
as it swayed in soft circles dangling upside down from my ceiling fan, i watched through tears as the carnations wilted white petals penetrated the darkness of my room.
Whispering smiles indent my thoughts as I walk through the halls.
Overthinking what's past and what's present has been known to ruin me.
Every move I make causes my conscience to stutter.
It’s still so hard
To just wake up
Each and every day.
It’s hard to know
A simple life can
Make me feel this way.
I’ll put on a face
I’ll make believe.
Somehow I’ll be okay,
I cause pain
I cause distress
Take me out.
I cause heartache
And I cause stress
Take me out.
I fell asleep
And hoped I never would wake up
Take me out.
Lonesome softly pounds
Whispers sweet sounds
Waits until day it ends
Paces and it depends
It asks for me to wait
Afraid I decide my fate
And I never make a change
Alone we never do gain
She awoke to hear him bid good morning
She slept to hear him say good night
But as the tide rolled in and washed him away
She faded into the darkness today
And time it screeched and cried
All of a kids high school years, are spent in fear, fear that he'll get picked on because he's fat, walking down the hallways and hears them, pointing, laughing, all for a joke, he sits there and wishes he could choke, every single one of them.
People say mean things
they say I'm not good enough
say I'm ugly or dumb
sometimes they are right
sometimes I am dumb enough to listen to the hateful words
The girl walks down the long hall.
She keeps her eyes trained on the ground as she feels their stares burning holes through her.
They look her up and down, judging her face, judging her clothing.
“Depression”
I’m tired of wearing the painted grin
That mocks me and all of my sin.
The pain of my soul and my mind
You say that I've changed
but you're the reason i'm so cold.
Get out of my head,
the fights quickly get old.
You've made me so heartless
something I knew nothing of.
Once you broke my heart,
Isolate yourself
then ask why you're so lonely.
Tell you how I think,
now I feel like a phony.
These poisons were shared
over and over before,
between you and I,
this darkness we tore.
The quiet darkness that
slipped in through the tiniest
slits and sat
growing and festering,
Has all but swallowed me whole.
Thick black curtains sequestering
the light with in my soul.
Such a beautiful soul
Flying free
Soaring over mountains
Limitless as can be
No one can bring her down
Such a beautiful soul
Flying free
Soaring over mountains
Limitless as can be
No one can bring her down
I dream in black and whiteI bleed the color of your eyes
All I can see is your lipsGently glazing over mine
As the sun setI saw my rose petals in the flame
You were taken too soon my friend
And I sit here and wonder
Why your life had to end
Like the rolling of thunder
My one regret is not responding
In the month of November
drifting through time
with no one to be
why cant anybody see me?
i do my best
for all to see
but no one
notices me
im in all the plays
and all the pictures
The Dark that cones, the dark that rises. The darkness that is the light, in all my wrong doing. If you protect me from myself, your protecting me from THE DARKNESS.
I need faith,
for i am faithless,
the demons in my dreams.
the darkness in my heart,
there is no light in my heart.
what i don't understand,
Love you "say" but its not true.
Its just another word for "forget you"
Told me you love me, told me you cared. But why arent you standing here?
You made it up didnt you? just to fill in the blank.
We all deal with monsters,
Monsters in our heads,
Monsters in our bodies.
Depression, Scizophrenia,
Rymitoid, CRPS.
The monsters kill us,
Inside and out,
To the point of no return,
Broken pieces
Shattered heart
My life just seems to fall apart
But there's nothing that I can do
Hiding what's inside
showing what's not really there and
Leaving behind my feelings for you
THE HARDEST TIME OF MY LIFE
Everybody try to understand
But I didn’t want you to
I don’t think you can comprehend
I don’t understand why it is so hard
For you to suck up your ego for 2 seconds
and let your guard down
You see I need some answers
because the pain is back.
It isn’t pulsating and waking me at 2:43 am
I stare at the mirror.
Ugly!
I blink back tears.
Fat!
I know it's not true.
Don't I?
I look fine.
Hidden under clothes!
People think I'm cute.
They pity you!
Like a breath of cold air, i am lonely with fear,this pain i feel ,i just can't bear,it is painful enough to kill,ones fragile heart,Like a breath of cold air,to repair the heart,that was taken apart,by one careless words,by me taking out this bla
He'll tell you he loves you.
He'll talk real sweet.
You'll think he loves you.
You're just a piece of meat.
First, there's denial.
He wouldn't do that.
He cared about me once.
In my short 16 years of life I've put myself into some crazy situations.
when it breaks it doesn't make a sound
there is no indication of its condition
it just gives in, falling prey
to the repetitive oppression
of day after day after day.
Little teacher in the front
I wish I could say what I want
Like how I’m tired from the night before
From all the things I’m expected to endure
Tossing, turning, sleep-deprived
Everything’s okay, mommy lied
She looks in the mirror who she sees is not who she is.
I feel it on the inside. I feel it in my soul. I feel this certain something that makes my body whole.
I feel nothing. The world is nothing to me. I take steps, never feeling the ground below me. I touch hands, never feeling the electric energy flowing through our meeting. I speak words, that make no noise. I hear sounds, that have no volume.
Tears are streaming down his eyesUnder the desk lays a broken boyEmptiness contains an empty roomNobody asks the question why Under the desk lies the broken boyHe screams in pain
I haven’t met that guy that’ll turn my life around
Show me the light with every gentle caress
That has a smile that can warm a million cold hearts
The laughter of sweet innocence and happiness
Personal Lyrics? I'll give you some personal lyrics.
Dissed by my class 'cause I'm not actually hip
making me release a full clip of emotions onto this paper
but I guess I now no longer mind be labeled the quiet stranger
I wanna run away
Away from all the hurt and pain
Painful mistakes and irony misplaced
Crying................
That is all I know
A lot of people wonder why I’m so concerned on listening to people’s problems and respecting people.
Soon flowers will growin the deepest and saddest partsof you and you'll bloom
You will always have people in your life that test you
There will always be people there to knock you down
It may seem that all the negative people are stuck to you like glue
It's the absence of warmth.The familiarity of a hand upon your shoulder.It's departure leaving all but an imprint.
I know you think about situations and say,
"That would never be me." You say
I could never be that girl that's acting all fast as if she has no home training" or
Close ur eyes go under luke warm water an stay there for 5 minutes
thats how life was for me
'picture a darkness that is trying to take over
think of trying to scream
i cant hear
Wrote this in the wee hours of the morning, sort of in a trance like state.
There's a quiet thunderstorm inside my head,
the thoughts strike across my brain,
neurons illuminate with light, transmitting more than what is visible by sight.
There's a quiet thunderstorm inside my head.
Thoughts are racing through her mind
When you ask her if she's all right
All she says is, "I'm fine"
You shake your head and reply, "okay"
The silence echoes in your brain
Writing all of my feelings
Will relieve me from all these teasings
That will make me jealous in life.
I just wanted a better life,
But yet, I won't be anybody's wife
They judge before they get to know me, they see an alien not a human being. I am a threat to society, so they say, yet all I ever do is stay the same.
we all have a calling in life
a purpose, a mission
lost in darkness, soon there'll be light
our future is based on our decisions
the journey will be hard
hold onto your faith
follow your heart
My anger pours out as I scream for some release.
I want to be gone and away from this beast.
Nothing I say is ever enough for you.
I cannot be content as long as I'm being used.
Set me free I repeatedly scream.
Despair and darkness have taken over my life
This is nothing new
I've gone through and put up with a lot of strife
What is one more day of hell when your life is a pit of fire?
You ruined me
hatred seeps through the streets of the city
anger at a wanderer who has done nothing but appear
they hate his freedom and lack of care
that they must remain bound to daily drugery
In this universe, there’s too much pain
From people to people, it’ a non-ending train
Trying not to give in time
Wasting is not a try
Good, bad, jealous, uncaring
“I Am From”
I am from many nights spent on the pitch,
with blood holes and sweat galore, drenched upon its drips.
My feet smell
And neglect appears to be my only friend.
People hang out and talk with me
We share only words
Though nothing articulate.
What the hell is wrong with these peopleTreating others way less than equalWe have to fix this nowCause this isn't a movieAnd there won't be a sequelAn ignorant mind is feeble
Birds fly awayAs the sky turns black and greyMeteors rainBuildings engulfed in flamesPeople are crazed, enraged, and others are afraidExpected to listen to what the TV said
I like to let my imagination
run wilder with every
darker shade of the night sky,
as the sunset melts away
onto the other side of the world,
like sherbet ice-cream
left on the counter for too long.
A gift card was given to me,
It was alive not with spending power but with literature,
The concept was familiar but I would have to spend the last cent,
in order to understand it’s true worth, or its lack their of.
I know I'm a quiet girl,
But I still refuse to say words,
I'm sorry that I don't speak,
But my life right now is too real,
Consider what I may feel,
Just leave me to zone out please,
Write.
From a babe to a child, to a girl, to a...
"Woman".
My hand wrote more than any other kind
But then, cocky girl pointed out in disgust,
I liked one thing
And horror did it bring
I knew he was kidding
But he had me bidding
They all called me a vampire
And of that I did not tire
Love. Love is so much more than just a kiss on the cheek, giving someone a ring, or being on TV because you're a teenager with a baby. Love is something we feel and give, a reason for people to want to live, but who do we share it with?
Outcast.
Victim of amassed judgment,
Everything defining you is blunted.
Hunted.
In the triple homicide of mind, body, and soul,
Words were the weapon of choice,
Words nitrogen cold.
Do you know what it's like
To be an outcast
Caught somewhere between
Wanting to fit in
But not will to be
One of them?
The wistful wind blows
It reminds me of peace
Never ending ongoing tranquility
Things that are hard to achieve
In this society which never sleeps
I still don't know why or how I became an outcast
Was it something I did?
I used to try
I tried very hard
I'd change my look, dye my hair, & paint myself with makeup
