Miss Araujo

Mon, 07/21/2014 - 12:46 -- Ocen

This isn’t what I wanted
My weakness brings me closer to you
And I know that I can’t let your love unfold
Because if I wanted to stay, the obvious truth is my heart wouldn’t be so far away
If I make u cry I-the guilt inside would torment me and I would just die
U break me down, buried me in between this lie that I’ve lied for us
It’s killing me and all I wanted was YOU….to be happy.
It’s really because I try to hide what I really am
Impatient and lonely and therefore I latch on to your affection
Because you break me down, I can’t look into my own eyes, I won’t be forced to face this lie
Because all I wanted was you to be happy, but I can’t be happy with you
And I’ve waited too long for nothing.
Hiding from my fear because I can’t be happy without
Break me down, you bury me bury me when you say it. Your words stab into my heart steaks
 Killing me as it would a vampire, with regret that is
 While saving me from what holds unto me with dear life
The loneliness takes me beyond my comfort and into your arms
I’ve gone too far, I want to fall into love but misery awaits me because happiness eludes me
With u I’m sad because I wanted more and I went too far with this-us-to be able to shake this feeling
Of love, barreling in the back of my mind but it’s not true love because it and my heart don’t intertwine
What a misery it will be if you’re not with ME
It’s because I’ve bonded too deeply with you to feel whole with only me-without you.
Sometimes I wish I was smarter and more honest even though I did nothing foolish, and bent no truths
 I feel so angry, because I cheaply took advantage of your smile to fill the void within me
I wish I could change the way it is between you and me
I feel so cheap (inexpensive and invaluable), I want to start over and splinter the love I have for you
Because now that I have it there’s no way of losing it, nothing stopping me from hating ME for eternity
I feel so mad, useless and unfaithful because my love belongs to you but my lust is else where
Baby this mirror isn’t big enough for the both of us no matter how hard I try to tell myself we fit
The space within my heart won’t let me let you in
Never mind that I find it hard to stay because I don’t care how I feel though it’s not right with me
How much I invest in we depends on how soon I let you discover me
We’re not working out. But now I know I’m mistaken, because I can’t find a reason to make my misery become ours
 It’s hard to stay with this (illusion I’ve created) because I know I only love you half way
The choices I make (if they are the right ones) will make you cry (regardless) if you ever figured out just how much I do love you.
I love you with my everything, because you are my everything
Your happiness means more to me than my eventual plummet into misery
Because you mean the world to me and your happiness fills me with glee
But the way I really feel counteracts that joy and drains me of that bliss
Leaving me void, filled with emptiness because I know you need/deserve better than this (me)
Even though I am what’s best for you, I’m not what’s best for me, and you’re not what’s best for me
But as my everything, I will give you my everything,
 My all so I will never want to hear that the flames of your joy will ever dwindle
But I know the truth; I’m no good for you,
 That you do deserve better than me but no one is good enough, they don’t deserve you
And because of that I will make every effort to love, please and make you happy
 Because I don’t care about us, I just care about you
I’m sorry I did this to you. That I fell in love with you
We would have been better apart, to never have known each other
With this love that we have grown, we have now poisoned one another
But my love, there are Four little words that’ll get me along  and out of your life (I don’t love you)
The difficulty is in having the stomach to hear it from my own lips & the ability to move on once it’s said
Ill fall into a silence by tongue and be serenaded by the symphony of the broken heart choir
Then a tsunami of self-ridicule for seeing it coming and not moving out of the way
Every day will be the same, without your love to consider
Hell will be the only thing I’ll be able to feel every time I hear your name
If I see your face my eyes will burst from a flood of tears
My heart will explode when I hear your words, your catch phrases that used to bring me joy
Your voice will melt the very essence of my spirit every time I imagine it
And your touch will send a sharp sword trough my soul, if I even blesses with that privilege
My body will break out in chills from the iceberg of our memories frozen in my mind
Tell me you don’t love me so I can let go of you
 Set me free from what could become your misery and send me into mine with a clean conscience.

Stage name Ocen



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