Letting go
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It's funny how life decides to teach you lessons in the hardest way,
And that most of the time, you don't know what else you can do, think, or say.
For the first time in a long time, I am finally starting to feel like me again,
I am no longer going to let you get in my head and make me feel like there is something wrong with me,
All because you can't see all of the potential that I have and all of the things that I can be.
I tell myself that I don't want anything more to do with you,
But it is hard to convince yourself of that after everything that we have been through.
I tell myself that I don't care whether or not you leave me on read,
This back and fourth bullshit from you is something that I told myself I would never deal with,
But I decided that when it comes to you, I can't deal with it anymore, and I have decided to plead the fifth.
PLACES IN MY LONELY HEART
by Debi Lyn ~ Fri 11/04/22 @ ~ 10:30 pm
The boys out there
simply can’t compare
As I have gotten older, I realized a couple of things about who I am,
And that is that I tend to leave a lot of how I feel about myself to other people, but I am really tired of giving a damn.
It took me a long time to realize how much holding on to the past destroys you,
Because you never allow yourself to see things from another point of view.
It took me a long time to realize how much holding on to the past destroys you,
Because you never allow yourself to see things from another point of view.
It took me a long time to realize, but I have finally learned a lot about you,
And that even though I thought you were different, your actions told me that you areexactly the same by the things that you do.
I'm on a little boat
Which was never meant to set sail.
I'm on a little boat,
It is anchored by the bay.
I'm on a little boat
From where I greet you every day.
I'm on a little boat
I can’t help but feel
That I will never stop writing
About this feeling
That I will never stop feeling
This in love
And this unloved
At the same time
It’s an emotion
Sometimes I get so lost in my own thoughts that I don't know what to do,
My brain is telling me that I need to move on, but my heart only has feelings for you.
I'm reminiscing being back in Mexico sitting on a beach, I was Alone.
The most at peace I have ever been, Alone.
Coolin’, Not stressing myself over troubles that been handed to me or those self-inflicted, Alone.
And we are at it again, why do I go back to him out of all men.
Just to sit and pretend, like I love him again.
Like he is actually a friend, but worse than letting a stray dog move in.
In
Out
My breath like the wind
Ever-changing
As people live
Observing, obsessing
Regretting
Who cares
About the notion
Of success
Money, power, looks
You’ll never let me go.
I understand that.
You have pride, beliefs, things that keep you from leaving me alone to fend for myself,
Has it really been fifteen years
since I first took little steps onto Marley.
Her grey appearance that welcomes all while reflecting
the fluorescent lights above.
A smooth road I imagine but could never exist
Rocky and unsure just like the doubt you left inside of me
How should we want to go on
Oh how I wish to turn back time
Re-write the old and make it new
Change the lives of many including my own
How I could go back and make things right
If you’re like me,
You can’t count your dreams on one hand,
Always lost in something,
But never settling for anything
Or leaping at any one demand.
It's easy to forget, you know?
That time can pass when you aren't paying attention
And suddenly, your little sister says she likes that boy,
And your little brother is taller than you are,
I built a castle by the sea,And beautiful she stood,Upon her mountain made of sand,As I knew she would.
Doll House
September 6, 2018 ~ Thursday
Winter in the heart
Blue as the sea
Off the windy coast of Maine
A little mermaid in waiting
Now I'm packing up my things,
From the space where our hearts overlapped.
You've left a few items
I know that you'll be back.
I'm not going to be there
You can have my key,
I'm leaving this place
Poetry, there and here.
Here and Everywhere.
Everywhere for those to hear.
Hear the hearts of those who care.
Poetry, revealing the truth.
Truth behind those feelings.
I thought you’d smell like butterflies-
like the tip of a lollipop-stained tongue,
baby’s breath and bleached teeth-
so I inhaled you like a pixie stick
and
Tina, my bathroom won’t smell like your hairspray
and I won’t hear your thunder in someone else’s voice
but if your heart chooses to grow, I hope you’ll come to know
for so long you've been sinking
belly full of stones
i press my lips to yours
with the notion
that breathing outward might send you upward
but somehow
accidentally
i breathe in
Dear Dreams,
I 'm sorry this had to come across as adrupt
I never though there would be so many things in the way
I always thought that if you worked hard enough
If you just let yourself be driven by passion
I’m letting you go because I cannot bear to hurt you anymore.
I am letting you go to allow your happiness to flow freely.
I am letting you go because I cannot hold onto a fleeting idealism.
you say you wish you could be happier
but do you really try
or do you ponder on the past
refusing to break the chain that wrapped around your ankle
To my once best friend who
made me laugh, and taught me things I never knew
To my once best friend who
Gave me many fun things to do
To my once best friend who
At one point, made me feel brand new
Just because
I love you
like the blue popsicle melting in my palm I want to eat
before it drips away into a puddle beyond my reach
is not cause for the bruise blooming across your cheekbone
Because I love you, I am patient
Waiting as you ramble about things I don’t care about
I am patient as I wait for you to message me
I used to obsess about my books being perpendicular on the night stand; that was of course before you found your way into my life.
I grab her hand knowing that what I feel
Will be emptiness
And I look into her eyes knowing what i say
To her is meaningless
Because I Love You
I Stayed Astray
Because I Love You
I had to Walk Away
Because I Love You
I didn't Stay
Hope, are you a friend?Are you my worst foe?Around you my life bends,But you always let me go.I sit around hoping for some sun,In the middle of a thunderstorm,I hope for some fun,
I am sitting in a hotel room, staring at a three dollar bottle of wine when I realize that I do not have a corkscrew. There is blood on the towels in the bathroom which I do not dare revisit and I remember the first time you held me.
Floating in the sea,
I’m happy
The familiarity of the ocean drowns me
with a feeling love
The sound of the waves
We don't want to walk with GodWe want God to walk with Us.Like He hasn't given so many reasonsFor us to give in and give up- Our sense of controlBut in reality, by not surrendering,
I will hold you.
For the sake of the rivers I swam to love you,
I will hold you.
I will hold you,
I know; forever.
As that is the way of loving someone.
I will hold you, yes.
Please Stay Out Of Mind,
Please Just Go Away,
As Soon As I Regain Composure,
And Take Every Memory Of You,
And Tuck It In That Safe In The Back Of My Mind,
After I Place Bandages On The Cuts On My Bruised Heart,
I see the light in your eyes,
The allure in their brightness,
Every time you speak of your dreams,
And all you want to achieve.
I feel the effect of my lack of ambition on your life.
You want to fly,
Funny, isn't it?
How the more the days pass by, the heavier your essence weighs on my shoulders?
I shut my eyes and see you,
Feel you,
Sense every aspect of you,
It's gone
It's past
It won't come back
It's dead
It's faded
There's a crack
In what once was
But now isn't
Anymore
It was open
But now
The door
Is closed
I’m letting go of my regret
Having vacuumed away the filth
From the one whom left my eyes wet;
Now I shall return to good health,
Right?
I still feel this hole;
I am excising your soul from my body
I hide the good scraps of us under your bones,
So the gods will not deprive me of my memory.
You bitterness I will discard,
Your saccharine I will preserve.
My four legged friend,
though we might get parted for various reasons,
I will always have you in my heart
Because although you might not have understood what I said,
It's the color of the sun on a cloudless day.
It's the color of her hair like straws in hay.
It's the color of the flowers in which you lay.
It's the color of the stars above as she whispers, 'Make me stay'.
In the moonlit darkness of my heart,
I see icy cold silhouettes of desolation;
Bleak figures concealed with masks flaming bright.
Phantoms dancing around those dead trees,
Frozen in their one final reach,
When I was young I blew up a balloon
Shiny and perfect like a cartoon,
I tied it’s string to my wrist, strong and new
Fearing it would leave when the wind blew.
Like my shadow it followed beside
The hand holding yoursNow falls awayYou surrender strengthThat was never yours.You spiral downLike leaves from a treeSearching for acceptance Of G-d's will.
Is it good to stay strong if the one you're strong against is inside you?
It is not good that the man should be alone; and so was made for him a help meet,
the woman that should hold his hand through life
pleading, begging you ask me to take you backto discard all the heartache, all the heartbreak
to replace my scorn with words of love
and once again by your side I’d lie
Cutting you out of my life would be like ripping out a piece of my heart...
But that part has been so beaten and abused that the rest has learned to beat without it already
Anchors, cast iron
claim center and hold her steady,
in the light,
in the dark.
Anchored in the light place
she need not exert.
Warm tendrils caress her,
I begin to drown in an ocean of blue, only to realize I've forgotten my life jacket.
These eyes, they take me without invitation.
I'm sucked into a whirlpool that leads to an endless gaze.
The other day she sat beside him for the first time in months
She watched his eyes brighten at the thought of his new life without her
But the way he sat on his hands told her he was fighting the urge to touch her cheek
At first you made the choice to walk away, I pleaded and begged you to stay.
After all our history, you meant so much to me, you were my anchor and I was a ship on stormy seas.
Of all the things my life has led to
I never would have guessed it would lead to you
I was inexperienced quite,
You stare with this speck in your eye that glistens when I speak.
I may soon assume you love me.
I give you gentle touch like you were once in my womb.
My passion is strong
My heart feels pain
My eyes glisten from tears
My hands shake from fear
I feel so hurt and broken
Casted aside again
Lost and confused
Lead me on and get me excited
Want me and show me you care
Then trample me and drop me
Drop me like a lock of hair
My heart is split into two
Between I can continue and the other I would be shunned
Cast out,
A pariah.
I don't have the callus for such ignorant human beings.
Missing is something I feel
I wish love was never real
Now you have a way to tear my soul
Are you the one I've been longing for?
I know it's true that you love me too
But how can I if I'm the lie
I feel the breeze as I'm falling
not the frightening wind
but a comforting cloud
assisting my descend
Through a mountain range
hills and valleys
peaks and falls
You haven't talked to me in weeks
And I'm damn sure it's my fault or another
As I watch the sky stratify
Into blues from cerulean to robin's egg
And the people I pass are just shades in a jaded life.
Whenever I attempt the act of relaxation, In the forefront of my mind there is always a slight hesitation.
The Rose is gone, what happen to the Rose which come in every season your petal. Was always crutch together. What happen that I come outside and didn't see your eye's.you was lays there my lane of flame that spark my everyday.
No movement; a life switched to pause
Because of you
A shore with no waves
No sleep
It's been days
As every hair of mine fell Thank you for loving me so well How can I thank you dear For being ever so near I do not t want to leave you empty handed Babe, I'll never be stranded To the sky, the moon, the stars Or even
These walls are clutteredwith the scribblingsof clumsy hands.Small fingers clench markerstoo big to hold tight enoughto articulate dreamstoo great to let go of.Us “grown ups” know nothing
You were always too much to fit intomy dollhouse dreams.I never asked for you to leaveyour shoes at the door,they didn’t seem right there
There are many nights I find myselfthinking about you.Missing you. But notin a longing fora connectionsort of way -not like I used to.
Love is Universal
Its ecceptance for the things
That make us diffrent
Not change who we are to suet others
But living so others see who we are
Its not use, bending out lights
Everything goes on, moving and flowing. Never stopping. I think and breath, so let me break free. I'll fall and stumble, and pick myself up. I will be fine. All will be well, so let me go, loosen the grip, let me breath.
(poems go here)
Spinning, spinning, spinning
The ride won't stop
Everything I've ever known
and has been important to me
has swirled into an array of colors
I have forgotten the way
we loved with salt still on our skin,*
but not every secret
hurt. Blocked out the image of the stained blood
color of your lips against her pale parts, the sweetness
I see faces each day
The same faces that pass by the same way
Nothing, nothing is all I say
My lips quiver but my voice is nothing but a weak mocking squeak
Growing up in a home with a single mother.
Role model for my sisters inspired by my brother.
Holding on to hope by a thread discouraging thoughts in my head.
What are the can do's when you're telling yourself "YOU CAN NOT"?
I don't know what to do
This blade ain't workin' for me
Alcohol only makes it worse
I'm poppin' these pills like candy
I feel so unwanted
I am so lost
I feel so forgotten
Asphalt never looked so soft
I was sitting there screaming inside
I felt so alone, like I was being pushed around
By the oceans tides.
I couldn’t even make a sound.
I needed an outlet for my escape
As it offered no true freedom.
The darkness encircled me. The pain, overwhelming.
The way that we used to be, Babe, its disbanding.
The flowers and cards. Love notes and smiles.
Babe, everything's hard. Now, it's defiled.
The mem’ries of my long lost friend, who took
Me out of my woeful misery, fled
Into the unknown, leaving words unsaid
A mystery. I would constantly look
Back at the past, picturing the blue book
“Being inside you is like having a million conversations that bring us closer together.”
I swear that line will make him famous one day,
but the solace found within can never surmount.
Brief in Brevity
Truth and Sincerity’s will
I tremble at cold.
Truer words still be
“Pain is inevitable,”
Suffering is not.
Do you wonder still?
If eyes don’t meet, is there sight?
Unfortunate.
Daddy, Daddy look at me
Watch me as I fly
More and more I’m gaining speed
As I soar through sky
Mommy, Mommy how I see
you below me now
I’ll come and have a looky
When I can swoop down
When you feel that feelin
Of something happenin
Your heart starts beatin
And you dunno why beats r skippin
you look a little deeper
and see your passions glowing stronger
This year has many ups and downs
But the downs are what put me down
I struggled a lot with the deaths this year
Also school stressed me out
Trying to balance school and work was harder
What does the sunrise look like,
To someone headed west?
One who cannot turn round,
Nor take one glance behind.
First a pale glow,
Reflecting off the valleys low;
Followed by the sweet chirping
Hey, You.
Yes, You.
Why are You just standing there?
Green eyes, Black boots,
And that messy brown hair.
Looking at me without a care.
Soft lips, Colorful belt,
Hands on hips. Revengful smirk.
I once knew of a girl,
Roaming and young,
Who closed her eyes when it rained,
And envied the sun.
Obvious screams bleeding out of my shifting soul.
“Close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades”
Alone with my contemplating mind. So Mind Fucked.
My life feels void and full of darkness no matter how far I run to reach the light on the other end
SOCCER player for the world
Midfielder,forward,defener
Players with soccer balls and The Worlds Game
Yelling,Cussingm Shoving
Fields of sweating bodies
As you embark on your journey,
To that world so far beyond,
I think of you with sadness
The girl too young.
Your smile is glued to my mind
When you would shout as you sang.
Why did you go so soon?
I couldn't touch it.
The body, I mean.
I couldn't. Because I knew,
I just knew that the second I did
The supersaturated solution that was my heart
Would crystallize and crack
Into a thousand raw pieces.
Hearing the helicopter all night
woke up the next morning wanting to ride my bike
my good friend just got into a fight
So we head to the streets at the break of daylight
kids growing up wanting to be heard on the mic
(poems go here) Tears on my pillow
They fall soft.
A steady stream
In this lonely loft.
Outside wind howls
Inside I shudder.
I wait for you
My lost lover.
My fist was closed.
My breathing, hard.
The frown line was there,
sitting on my forehead,
as I failed miserably,
trying to hold onto something,
that was just like thin air.
I swear I was going to listen
To the advice that you made sure I heard.
But my friends have influence on me
And I didn’t want to be the nerd!
Drops of rain fall on a cloudless day
the day is darkened while the sun shines bright
a man
a woman
separated for now
but soon to be reunited
the faithful lover of this man sheds yet another tear
I held my dreams inside my hands so no one else could touch
Made sure they only knew my face so no one else could judge
I fed them big and made them strong so they could face the world
Hey, girl, I am just writing to say,
I put some flowers on your grave yesterday.
It was kind of hard 'cause
I thought I heard your voice come my way,
but I guess it was your spirit
telling me to let you rest
GONE
I shed a tear
For every time I fear
That I won’t be able to see you again
But only value the time we got to spend
Sometimes I think about your voice
Life or death was not your choice
My beautiful daughter
She had to grow up too fast
One night everything changed
"Sweetie, the pain won't last."
Alone in a cabin as I passed by,
A shower of crystals fell down from the sky,
It is quiet too quiet as I lay here,
No one speaks their lips are sealed,
I can't see as the fire consumes me,
Why did you leave so soon? You left in a blink of an eye.
You didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye. Or tell you how much I love you.
If only I could fly into the sky and bring you back if only words could bring you back.
Out of Sight. Out of Mind.
sometimes it’s hard to find
the paradise I had in mind
I fight with all my might and
I’m still here. You’re still there.
Out of Sight. Still in Mind.
Looking back nothing seem the same
People change
Pictures fade
And I’m left with the pain
The clouds are rolling in
The journeys almost over
The light is going out
No time to scream and shout
