Waves

One second you are fine, and the next second it hurts again,

Because I don’t even care that I lost you as a lover, but part of me still does miss you as a friend.

Maybe it is not you that I miss, but the image of you that I thought I knew,

But I know that there is nothing left for me to do.

That you are no longer going to be in my future, that you are only a part of my past,

And I should have known that this friendship was not one that was going to last.

Because looking back at it now, it seemed like I was always begging you for any form of 

attention,

And that you were always filled with tension.

Like I was bugging you when all I was trying to do was stay in your life,

And I now know now that you were nice to my face, but you were also the one who was holding 

the knife.

And one day I am able to not think about it, and I am able to let it go,

But the next day I am trying to hide my face so I do not let the feelings show.

That not having you around is destroying me,

Because there is always going to be that small part of me that is wishing for things to go back to 

the way that they used to be.

But maybe that is just the grief talking,

And it is something that I should not find shocking.

That every little thing out there reminds me you and the memories that we created,

And the ones that meant so much to me were probably the ones that you hated.

Because you looked for every excuse in the book to cut me off and to push me away,

And I need to remind myself of that before I waste away crying about you for another day.

Because we could talk about this a million times, but we will only end up going in circles again 

and again,

Because you can’t try to rekindle a relationship when it has clearly already come to an end.

And I need to remind myself that this is not going to be easy, the concept of letting you go,

But this is something that I already know.

And when I want to text you to tell you what is going on, I need to remind myself that you don’t 

care,

And that it is officially over, and there is no point in trying to clear the air.

Because you said we were friends, but looking back, I don’t think that was true,

Because you were never there for me, but I was always there for you.