trans
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see how i glow
in the light of glass gods
divinity washing over filth.
my soul,my body
a sin,an abomination-
unsalvageable.
drown me in holy water
purge the impurity,
Make us the butt of the joke
Point and laugh at human reactions
We joke about you
You kill us in the streets
Hundreds buried a year
Point and laugh at the blood on your hands
To the boys I caught frogs with
Summer of '16
You invited me down to the creek
For the first time in a while, I felt welcomed
Boys my age weren't as kind as you
Befriending me but not as one of them
i like to think we- the transsexuals-
are more divine than the gods,
for we weild the touch of creation.
we birth our own flesh and blood,
build our own bodies,
and shape them with loving hands.
I hate how glamorized being transgender is in the media.
It’s not all sunshine, and rainbows, and butterflies.
Well, it is rainbows, but that's not the point.
Sometimes I’m fine.
Sometimes I’m just a little tired. You know?
I know you get what I mean.
She wanted
To dance
He was
Hoping
For a
Chance
Little did
They
Know
The
Friendship
That would
Grow
1. Silent. Keep walking. This is not worth my attention.
-
2. I don't have the energy for this. If you're gonna try something, just do it, or leave me alone.
-
January 8th 2009, a beautiful baby girl is born into this world. She’s 7 pounds and 15 ounces. She’s 20 ½ inches. She is the perfect bundle of joy. Everybody loves her.
A lot of people take it for granted.
But I wouldn’t.
Give me what I want.
Give me what I need.
All I want to do is live in the utopia everyone says this is.
I want to be a boy in the way they are.
I want a round chest because it’s so muscular.
Not because my body needs a place to hold milk for a child that’ll never exist.
I want to be like Draden. Nice hair, nice face shape, cool freckles..and a boy.
I want to be like easton. Tall, rich, possibly attractive, also boy.
I want to be like gavin. Tall, strong, smart. You guessed it- A boy.
The rules to passing as a man to the general public.
Step 1
Cut your hair.
Your long gorgeous thick hair.
Yeah? You love it?
I wish I felt like a girl.
I wish I could enjoy having long hair, hip dips, my lovehandles , a big butt, and perky breasts.
I wish I liked being seen as a girl.
Do you think I chose this?
Why would this be a choice?
Who chooses to pay thousands of dollars in medical debt?
When I start to die, I look to the sky
I’m shaking and crying and I don’t know why
And that’s the worst part
Because how can I explain what i don’t even know
Start acting like you’re okay
This pain will never go away
Don’t let them really see
The monster that you’ve grown to be
I wish I lived in an utopia
Where everyone’s accepting
But where I live is just not it
Dystopia is here
And here I lie
Looking at the sky
Hello and hi is a start I guess
And either way you know the rest
That I’m a boy
But you said no
And that hurts too much
It breaks my heart
Dear Deadname,
You are a gorgeous young woman.
You will do many great things.
You have a beautiful smile,
And a gorgeous face.
Life is strange when you think you’d be dead
“What do you wanna be when you grow up”
”what's your dream job”
”what career do you wanna pursue”
You ask me why,
But it is so hard to answer.
Because even I don't know.
How to form the words,
How to describe my thoughts,
How to describe my feelings.
I am not fluent.
My mind cannot be translated.
i am not a woman
i'm not a girl
not a lady
not she
at least... not exclusively
i am... they
i am he
i am, first and foremost, a person
just a person
just... me
By: Jaiden
I´ve always been a boy
I just couldn’t be without getting hurt
Held done in my coffin-like hiding space
It's just those kids that are a little bit off,
when a teacher calls their name and they struggle not to cough
And ,,Girls on the right and boys on the left" is a terrifying statement
A minute is slicing my nerves
It gives me a pressure along my body's curves
Muting my voice down to the silence
Betraying me, my gestures are put in defiance
A minute ago I was a human
Cutting through the dark
It's a cold, it's a dark which dwell in my shivering heart
My fears make me chasing through the losses I bear,
All these pieces which are falling apart.
Spreading my lashes outwards to the sun, moon and stars.
Connecting bodies as a rhizome,
Emerging here and there, lost in nowhere.
Moulding rhythms, rhymes, tones, flights and falls between the words.
I've been uprooted thrice. First found
no comfort in being myself. By
being swept off the ground.
The people hanged stigma over
With voices harsh and loud
Second, the state failed to make me proud
Honey and tea can taste so sweetWhen you're hiding the cutsThat they'll never see
And my head is falling apart...I showed signs from the start...
You are my demon.
You chase after me,
Trying to catch me,
And swallow me.
You try to slice me.
You rip open my
Sometimes i like to get high on beaches at night time
I like to inhale the chemicals
And exhale my fears
I like the feeling of the sand
Cool and soft and silky
i want to write about happy things
so i find myself thinking of your lips
i find myself hoping that tonight
i’ll finally get to kiss you-
at least in my dreams
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
i’m all alone in this glass house
Swallowing jack under a pink sky
there’s blood on the driveway
keeping a knife in the pocket of my jeans
Dear girl that doesn’t know im in love with her,
Despite the major hints i keep dropping
I thought of you again today,
Because the sun was yellow and warm
you said you were taxing to love
as if that could ever be true
loving you is like loving christmas lights
loving you is like breathing
on my chest
below my neck
ornaments on my body
i don’t remember asking for
they decorate me
but i seldom feel like art
He was born Sophia.
But it doesnt fit him, and that name is as dead as the flowers I have pressed in my journal.
Always there, a reminder, what I have to call hm in front of his mom.
But I don't know much about God
I know want to sit with him and his others
But my existence is sin
And I'll never reach what I want
Its fruitless
When it takes courage for you to stand,
and proclaim your name,
and you have to pray,
that your voice,
doesn't break,
or taper off,
or fall on deaf ears.
Im sorry I grew up mom
I’m sorry I’m not your little girl anymore..But no matter how many times you try to deny that it’s me and I need to change Frankly you have no say in this matter....
i slept
in my binder
last night,
the fabric compressing
tight
holding my ribs
close
I remember deciding I was awesome, and that
was all that mattered.
I remember thinking others were bossy,
Crying because I was called the same.
i've done it.
okay?
i've done a lot.
i've laughed till i peed myself,
cried until my throat was sore,
figured myself out so i wouldn't have to
On the water there
A petal breaks the silence, suddenly submerged lungs aching for breath,
alone,
more words tumble from the mouth.
Mirror, mirror,
As I speak to you
the petal finds a break
On the water there
A petal breaks the silence, suddenly submerged lungs aching for breath,
alone,
more words tumble from the mouth.
Mirror, mirror,
As I speak to you
the petal finds a break
Hope is a magical word,
Happiness fluttering aghast in the wind
Blowing fears and uncertainty behind me
I see a world reborn
Relentless to strife
As if it has cut away my anxiety like a knife
Comin' up in this confusing world
You're not sure if you're a boy or a girl
You told me not to tell your parents
But could your haircut make it any more apparent?
Somebody help me get through this
her words,
shatter my resolve like ice
smashing my hope to bits and pieces
she says I'm over reacting
inventing things to finally make friends
this isn't how it ends
Every little kid learns about butterflies,
With their fluttering wings and their monumental transformation
I feel the breath being pulled straight from my lungs. They feel themselves collapsing back into the same stars that they were born from. I feel my heart pounding.
I was born, my skin all pink
I grew up, and it had seeped into my heart
My lungs filled with it
My eyes saw with it
And I was pink
It overflowed into my mouth
I swallowed all that pink
My fingertips go numb
Yet, somehow I am able to clench a fist
The thought of punching you in the face overtakes me, but I stuff it down
I want to watch you suffer
Just as you had made me
I think to text you, "I miss us" as if to grasp for the old threads
of something slipping out of reach.
It happened so quickly and also too slowly,
Dear Dad,
You have missed a lot.
You missed me growing into a man.
You are who you were not.
You missed me finally being happy.
I am the boy who wakes up every morning,
Only to see the girl in the mirror mocking him.
Her round face.
Her curves.
Her breasts.
All knives thrown at me,
Trying to break my bones.
For those who told me I was weak,
I'm afraid to say, you're wrong.
My mind,
my body,
my voice,
they are not weak because you don't understand them.
They are like a delicate ghost,
August 23, 2017
Dear Mom,
Please read this entire letter through and don't skip around; read this before opening the email I sent you. Please keep an open mind. I love you!
One year older,
Another year lost.
Another year waiting,
I paid the cost.
One year of dysphoria,
And hiding from the summer sun.
One year of being ignored,
Stuffed under the pink rug.
You don't know who I am
So why tell me what to be?
You don't know what I've done
So why tell me how to feel?
Why can't you say my name
Without wanting to rip out your throat?
Once upon a time,
they begin to say
she was so pretty
but not so much these days
Rapunzel Rapunzel let down your hair
I hear contanstly yanking at my ears
I feel like Mulan set in Modern time
no longer a cross-dressing warrior for you to fetishize
I'm real, my hair cut short and two useless boobs I have to bind.
My identity? How nice, you'll call it mine?
They locked her away
put that dyke away
shes frozen in her bones
breasts like ice cream cones
they told her date that man
but around the room she scans
spotting melted girls
there’s something creeping,
creeping into my head.
a thought, not a voice.
but it still pricked deep,
making me flinch with the first few words.
what does unconditional mean, really?
is unconditional love loving someone with disregard for those qualities they don’t like?
Reguarding our humanity,people with no knowledge about meas a person,as a student,as a member of our communitiesdebate about my rightsas if I am undeserving of them
Everything was closing in.
The things around me were blurred as if the world had suddenly gone out of focus.
And then I saw her.
She was wearing a purple dress and was laughing with a friend.
it’s not easy to explain, or maybe it’s easy
But i just don’t know the right words
or maybe i have the right words
Man: an adult, human male.
Man. Whose gender is defined solely by his genitals.
Man. He who is strong, and brave, and masculine.
Man. That which, I am not.
Why does it offend you?
Why do we offend you?
Why do I offend you?
Why does Love, offend you?
She's a perfect little girl,
When she spins her skirt twirls,
Her hair is more beautiful than a thousand gems,
But the truth is she doesn't fit in with the other femmes,
Everyone says she's a perfect little girl,
I'll never be enough,
I'll never be tall enough to fit in with other boys,
I'll never be cool enough to be surrounded by people,
I'll never be 'one of the boys,'
But that's ok,
The boys say I'm not one of them,
The girls say I can't come in,
The gays say I don't belong,
The rest say this is just wrong,
Where do I fit in?
My friend likes pink so he wears it,
I’m a boy like any other, you’d know if you looked at me,
But when I walk with all my friends, all they say is she,
When someone calls me my real name, I just want to cry,
But I’d never say anything or I’d be mortified,
I sit in the buckle of the bible belt
Fighting to merely exist
As white men in stiff suits
With smiles that never reach their eyes
Sit in a room in DC
There’s never been a way out of it, these gender roles, these confinements, these chains you put on me weighing me down.
It’s either pink or blue, black white, rich poor, minority majority.
My breasts are a burden
To myself and sadly society.
My breasts are a burden
Because when I wake up in the morning they get in the way of me seeing my feet.
My breasts are a burden
Once upon a time
A princess was imprisoned
By her stupid, rich, right-wing parents
And their fucking shit religion
They told her she was wrong to feel
Like God made a mistake
The heart behind his false chest
The voice so weak from shaking breaths
The blood so damn unnecessary
The mirror lies. His body's scary.
She is a stranger. A ghost. A monster.
We don't know why we're here
So confused, we may want to leave
All these trans folks gettin' killed here almost daily
We're just trying to fit in, but instead become a pet peeve
I am trapped in a cage!A cage of my own skin wrapped around me.And it is inescapableLike metal prison bars around my soul.I've tried to cut my way through,Burn my way out,But nothing can change this hellish skin.Going through life,Going to school,
This skin does not belong to me
it is merely borrowed.
A place in which I only temporarily reside.
My skin is not yet finished.
My time has not yet come.
But it will.
My fair lady, my fair lady
Be a good girl, be a dear
Do the cleaning, be the cook
All your worth is in how you look
She calls us “petulant, self-indulgent”
My voice cracks
Society says we’re hot for now
Look at all the new inclusive media!
Within ourselves, us othered folk
"There's something bad about her. There's something not quite."
I heard a father say to a little boy one night.
He speaks so calmly
Quiet as a mouse he is
He reminds me of my childhood fears
So quiet, so distant, so beautiful
A creature of so much delight from afar
I sit there and wonder why
Ma'am, lady, wife, female.
All those names
yet none apply.
Daughter, niece, miss, girl.
When i hear them,
I just want to hurl.
Woman, actress, madam, sister.
All I wish to be
While the world splits meAnd everythingIn twos,The only option that fits meI'm not allowed to choose.When I tuck up my hairIt's not to impress you.So don't tell me what I should wear.
It's hard for me to say
That some people can't accept diversity
Even in the world today.
People can't marry who they love
Simply because they're gay.
I hate what oppression has done for my group.
"Maybe you just haven't found the right man yet."
I hate what oppression has done for my group.
"Who treated you wrong?"
Growing up in a rural town, a child is planted in a foundation based on a few societal beliefs
That God is the only un-defyable truth in life and societal obedience defines your worth
Slave of inhumanity, product of my own insanity
The man I am is not because of who I was but who I want to be
I stand for what is unbearable, I breathe and am unbreakable
I looked in the mirror today,
only to see the androgynous face ,
of a broken Gothic stone angel gazing back at me,
Help!
I’m trapped.
I’m being held inside myself,
I get asked…
Are you a boy?
Are you a girl?
What are you?
Why do you dress like that?
What is wrong with you?
Why am I different?
Why am I shunned?
Words you have said with no intent of apology I am stunned.
Like a bee your words stung.
I was a princess, now I feel homeless.
No disrespect intended.
Transgender
A word that brings Fear.
That brings dysphoria, confusion, invasive questions
Fear of entering another's home and being attacked
By their transphobic parents
As a woman I am told to be quiet
Keep it down
They try to keep me down
Below you, looking up
On my knees, I exist only in ways that service you
They want me to hear, not to speak
Every day I wake up in the wrong body
The misconceptions it causes
make me feel less like a miss
and more like a mistake
When you saw me walk into your restaurant
I doubt that th first thing you thought about
was asking me what my preferred pronuns might be
Instead, what I'm sure came to mind was:
"Shaved underarms bu hairy legs
Have you ever had a secret in which you've held awhile;
You see in the eyes of others that you're perceived odd or even vile;
For you being different does not make you gross;
Where you supposed to go when your home aint even home
happiness is in the gutters
have to close up all those shutters
see these people here dont love us
so all we got is each other
People get so creative these days. All we ever hear when a new, un usual thing comes up now is "well, thats how it is now days."
Sick they say! Sick!
Am I sick?
so disturbing to some
so interesting
Could this be true
The words flowing from your lips
Such hurt you scream
Such pain you cause me
Love can't be forced fore it is a force in itself
Tell me to love her when I'm in love with him
Love is funny. Love is weird. Love is knowing. Love is guiding. And to those whom it passes, it is unintentionally hurting.
nobody left, and nobody died,
but the family count went from six to five.
a daughter abandoned, shunned, alone,
because another girl's heart was the place she called home.
innocent little girl
oh how your innocence has been taken
stolen from you like a thief in the night
a thief with so much power
a thief with so much aggression and anger
There is a disparity
between my mind and my body,
like wearing a suit two sizes too small
and pressing out desperately
but unable to flee.
Looking in the mirror, facing fears,
Nobody understood me before.
Awkward. Child. Girl.
Nobody understands me now.
Awkward. Teen. Boy.
Nobody will ever understand me.
Awkward. Adult. Man.
Some people think I am daring.
I'm lost in the sense of who I am
and who I'm supposed to be.
My brain and heart work just fine
but they have the hardest time communicating.
Don't tell me how to feel because I've known
All of her life she had been trappedIn this body of a girl,And if she did not have cropped, messy hair,If she did not wear loose clothes,If she were not me,She would have been beautiful.
when you were little, did you ever play hide and seek? there’s always one kid who hides in the closetif it was you, you know whythe closet’s warm and dark and quiet and as long as you stay silent, no one can tell you’re there
The emphasis placed on between the legs
Is what is reflected in the world today
We have become so consumed with a person's sex
That it takes precedence over the person they are
Who they will become
Gender
Who are they to say
You must act and dress a certain way
“Ladies knee length skirts, guys suit and tie!”
When gender is more than meets the eye
Both, neither, one, or what fits
When you walk through the halls and students don't know
If you're a boy or a girl, and think their confusion don't show
You look at my paper and say,
It's wrong,
you're wrong,
you fail,
I struggle to learn what I need,
You struggle to teach us the answers to the test,
Tests are more important that my knowledge,
Dysphoria Sucks
These feelings can suck my non-existent dick
but shit
That just makes the dysphonia worse
doesn’t it?
My dysphoria peaks when my estrogen levels do
Free
Baby beluga in the deep blue sea
You swim so wild and you swim so free
Heaven above and the sea below
Fight Another Hour
By Jesse Yelvington
Screw you for saying who and what I’m ‘supposed’ to be,
Though I hope you know that nothing you could say will ever change me;
You fell through the sky
Hitting cement
To break into a new dimension
Where you can fly,
And now your body
And spirit exist
In different planes.
The chicken and the egg,
Statements that stay behind closed doors, they stay in the room
Hover above your head
Seep into your mind fall into your river of thoughts
Sink deep into your conscious
Straying off to your emotions
How would you feel walking down the street?
Minding your own business just being a teen
When a group of people behind you come to attack
Only because in their eyes you’re a “fag”
They say we are equal.
Why the bullying?
Do you think it's fun?
Is it satisfying?
The way you treat them?
They say we are equal.
My rights are my rights/ got infinite time to put up a fight/ going through the system/ listen to your mther respect your father/ dont speak out/ dont stand tall/ fit the mold of the kid that will work till they get to old/ my dream job unattain