Wagon Hitching, or the Making of an 80% Man

She calls us “petulant, self-indulgent”

My voice cracks

 

Society says we’re hot for now

Look at all the new inclusive media!

 

Within ourselves, us othered folk

We're encouraged to race each other to be True Tranny Scotsmen

TM?

 

Real enough, binary enough, diligent, unflinching

Because certainty doesn’t exist on a spectrum, of course not

I claw at my chest

 

The transwagon is seen by some as an opportunity

For me it has only held anxiety

 

She says to do my research, like I haven’t my whole life

She says I’m stupid for thinking I’m masculine

We’re all a bit of both, after all

 

What is this both anyway

Wouldn’t that constitute something not in, out, but between

And if not between, maybe so much more beyond

Is that my hairline?

 

Wouldn't it be convenient, if I was a woman?

I’m not a man.

I’m not a special snowflake.

 

Wanting others to see me, to know me

Wanting them to treat me the way I know I am

To go through metamorphosis and make my body into something

Closer

 

I clearly don’t know what I’m talking about

The tempestuous self-doubt

Immediately at odds with the calm

The knowing my true self

 

When people see with hearts blown wide

Instead of eyes set to biologically essentialize

We tired butterflies won’t have to hitch a ride

On the wagon

 

Until that day comes

To be known on the street

She has to accept that I’m just me,

Silas the 80% man.

This poem is about: 
Me
My family
My community
My country
Guide that inspired this poem: 
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

silasunofficially

I hope everyone that reads this knows how I intend the use of the word "tranny." Kate Bornstein has a bit on it in a recent Huffington Post interview, I would link it if I could, but a simple google search should get it. It is not meant to be offensive, or hateful. I mean only to comment on our infighting, nothing more. 

You are all enough, and you are all legitimate. No one is more trans than another. Many in the world already don't understand us, I invite you to apply your unique understanding to the uncertainty some of us may face. Thank you.

With love,

Silas (unofficially)

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741