I think to text you, "I miss us" as if to grasp for the old threads
of something slipping out of reach.
It happened so quickly and also too slowly,
the pain is like pulling apart a peanut butter and honey sandwich.
Some of it goes swiftly and without a fight,
sticking to myself because I know I deserve love,
but the rest falling messily onto the other bread and all over the floor,
loose and sticky golden sugar ropes.
I had a vision on the subway today
while the car jostled hard through the tunnels,
that if I fell, if I lost my grip and collapsed onto the floor,
I may just stay there.
If I stayed there and just lay down,
head on the ground,
Would people understand I have had enough?
Would they see that and hold me?
Would anyone lay down next to me and say, "me too?"