Pessimist

I hate how glamorized being transgender is in the media.

It’s not all sunshine, and rainbows, and butterflies.

Well, it is rainbows, but that's not the point.

I see all these posts about how much “I love being transgender!!”, and good for you!

But for the majority, including me, it's not a little merry go round!

Being trans isn’t as easy as eating cotton candy while riding around on a little horsie.

It’s a fucking roller coaster.

I hear, “Being trans is like a metal detector for bigots, it rats them out real fast.” Not without a fight.

Sure, I know who every transphobe, every homophobe, and every other shitty person is, but it wasn’t easy.

I went to hell and back and back again. 

That’s not “cute” or “unique”.

A big thing I hear is that being trans gives you a new perspective on life.

It wakes you up!

Cis people come out of the womb wide awake!

It feels like they never sleep, they are everywhere. 

Cis people have so much more life in them than we’ll ever have.

I want to feel alive!! I want to live!!

I never wanted to live through life as 2 genders!

I hear, “It’s so special! I get to experience things from both sides of the coin!”

It's less of a coin and more of an apeirogon. It’s infinite sided and it's like hell.

Gender is hell.

Why do people treat being trans like this adorable, special thing when being trans is hell!

But when we talk about how terrible it is, suddenly we get scolded and stereotyped.

On the rare days when I’m actually happy with my appearance, I get told it’s “too much, too feminine” and I need to “dress like a man”.

I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be!

Or I get told how much of a “pretty boy” I am. 

Sure, I was fine with that compliment when I wasn’t so sure of my identity,

But things change! I change! We change!

No one seems to accept that! No one seems to accept

me.

When trans people start being open about their transitions, suddenly every trans person (including minors!!) need to get “the surgery”.

“Will you get THE SURGERY?” 

“Did you get THE SURGERY?”

“How’s it look…. Down there… You know? Since you got…….THE SURGERY!!!!!”

I don’t know, ask your dad, he would know!

I am a minor, yet I still get asked, “What’s in your pants?” 

Why do you want to know? You want to find out?

You wanna fuck? Lets fuck! Your house! Tomorrow night, 10 pm!

All you’ll find “Down there..” is my dignity! My self respect.

What’s in yours? Huh? That’s an uncomfortable question, isn’t it?

How do you think I feel?

How do you think I feel when you call me transvestite, transsexual, crossdresser, cursed with transgenderism, tranny.

To you, I am all of the above, in reality, I am none of the above.

I am just a boy.

Transgender is the adjective, the describing word. 

I just wish it didn’t describe me.

Being trans isn’t the reason I’m a decent human being, I just am one.

I didn’t want to stand out like this, but if I’m being forced to, I might as well go full out!

Be so myself it makes people mad. I do that anyway!

I should convince everyone my self confidence is through the roof!

Oh.. “But you should feel dysphoric! You’re a boy in a girl’s body! A girl's life!”

Of course I am! I missed out on a boy’s childhood!

I could have gone through what they have!

I could have been a boy. God, I would have been the hottest boy…

I wanted to be someone’s hallway crush. I wanted someone to love me through all my flaws.

I want someone to love me for me. I want to be loved!!

But that’ll never truly happen. 

Because whether they admit it or not, no one sees me as a boy.

They all just call me a boy because they’re scared to be honest.

They’re scared to hurt my feelings.

Do it. I dare you. Tell me how you really feel.

What more do I have to give? Why does no one see me as a boy?

I’ve given everything!

I’ve given up my family, friends, love life, my future.

I would give my life.

I already gave up my childhood! Twelve whole years of my life!

I hate being trans so fucking much.

I’ll never get to be anything like any other boy.

Tell me it's fun now.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
My community
My country
Our world

Comments

SpinsterChild

Are you a real person? I can only find a supercoolblobfish website. Your poem is extremely good and I've been asked to find out the author to request permission to read your poem for a trans event. SPINSTERCHILD, I Joined just for the purpose of finding you.

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