I'm lost in the sense of who I am

and who I'm supposed to be.

My brain and heart work just fine

but they have the hardest time communicating.

Don't tell me how to feel because I've known 

since I was three that the little girl I was 

wasn't who I was supposed to be.

I felt it at the age of twelve when I pressed 

my chest into my mattress praying 

to God he'd reverse this hellish process.

I tasted it on the lips of a boy I thought

it was love but he was who I wanted to be.

In love with an image

trapped by a mirrors reflection

that when I stare

I stare straight ahead past myself

so that the only thing visible is a blurry image

of a boy who only half exists. 

I reach in and latch on

because I let him go once

and it won't happen again.