I'm lost in the sense of who I am
and who I'm supposed to be.
My brain and heart work just fine
but they have the hardest time communicating.
Don't tell me how to feel because I've known
since I was three that the little girl I was
wasn't who I was supposed to be.
I felt it at the age of twelve when I pressed
my chest into my mattress praying
to God he'd reverse this hellish process.
I tasted it on the lips of a boy I thought
it was love but he was who I wanted to be.
In love with an image
trapped by a mirrors reflection
that when I stare
I stare straight ahead past myself
so that the only thing visible is a blurry image
of a boy who only half exists.
I reach in and latch on
because I let him go once
and it won't happen again.