mental
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As I lay
Full of dismay
I drift far away
I hear my thoughts say
The dark was more enticing
Than the day
Alone in my own head
as I rest tonight
ins and outs of breathing
calm me while I lose sight
sight of reality, morals, and ethics
family, friends
good and bad
Having depression is weird
Because you can be at the lowest point of your life
So sad that your arms can’t move
So sad that your eyes wont stay open
So sad that every sky is a grey sky
For your brokenness that clings to me
In my openness so ceaselessly
Relaying all the meanings, forever afraid
We come from all walks of life,
For some reason brought together here.
Learning how to reach new heights,
Learning how to cope with our fear.
There's got to be purpose underlying it all,
Look up to the sky friends,
Can you see the coming end?
Red rock falling from the sky,
Hidden by flames, beautiful disguise.
Say your last prayer, beg for eternity;
The unlikelyhood no longer worries me.
I've lost a lot in my life,
From happiness, to security, to fight.
Even though I survived another night,
I still wonder if I can handle this strife.
So tonight I step out into the storm
There's this place deep in the recesses of my mind.
A place where the scared little child ran away to hide.
At such a young age he had given up hope,
Went into this attic and tied up the rope.
Who will I be
when the world claims me as its own,
Anxiety of future life fills the void I fail to feel,
I want to escape this deabate
But I feel like it is to late.
Crawl in shame thinking about fate
Unriched from the depressed mate who looks like he'll make something off of this tainted brake
Rusted from hate
Alone.
Looking out watching as kids play outside the run-down cheap motel grounds.
Watching as I see a little girl, no older than 5, smile as her mother ran after her.
Epiphany
I wasn’t sure if it was there
But it was
Way down in the pit of me
Lives my epiphany
I’ve been told that I am crazy,
that I’m mentally insane.
daddy hEld mE dowN
hE smElt stroNgly of boozE
Lately, I have been feeling lost.
Searching around in the clouds.
For something, anything.
I surround myself with my thoughts.
They torture me.
Inner folded
prematurely molded
time is tempted
to be bolded
small strokes of gentle wires to the face
The frame evokes a forecful fire
at waters pace
His fist hits me straight in my face
my missing teeth he cannot replace
The Thrill and enjoyment of beating his child
The look in his eyes animalistic and wild
I’ll never forget that horrifying day
when they said my brother had passed away
They said when it happened he felt no pain
I'm´ drownin´ in my head, I just can't stop thinking,Maybe soon this heart will stop, so the thoughts will too.You're mind is scarred
and the sun rose in the west today because it thought the world was dead.
but it is alive because I woke up this morning and breathed.
and you know, I have always wondered
what is death to the mortician?
Press start to begin
Fighter thrown into battle
Decked out in armor
It is just a game
It’s a game you want to win
Excited, you run
There was a time when these mind crimes
Led to some prime rhymes
With a fine line between "I'm fine" and "Am I dying?"
But I could focus on the hardest parts
Gravitating backwards she declines,Liquefying to earth's compression's,Ruined but intertwined,Cannot bypass innocent transgression.
Undescribable pain,
Writhing hands and feet,
Radiating ove ones self,
Yet it feels like nothing.
Crying with no tears,
Clawing at the flesh,
Yet it comes from within,
I couldn’t use a glass pen
For it would break
From the pressure I place
All the words and mistakes
It would break
I was lost and alone,
Hopeless and afraid,
Storms raging, endlessly...
But I lit my own torch!
I Braved my own storm!
The mentor I had.....
Was ME.
Born of a minority race
Adorned of comments and nitpicking
You grow a thick skin when subjected to
Adolescent Bullying
Spitting image of an Abuser
Mother couldn’t take it
I see how you suffer
I want so badly to help
But
I do not know how
Will you tell me?
Is my smile okay?
Was my hug comforting?
My words seem so
Very empty
Tell me
What helps
You broke my trust
Now you've lost me
I won't come back
I won't call
I tried
And you lost me
We won't talk
We won't be friends
You won't be anything to me
You lost me
Dear hands,
Stop shaking stop picking.
I wish you'd be still and
Stop scratching stop flicking.
Listen,
Dear “The Other Side of Me,”
Why have we been fighting lately?
I honestly think it’s my fault
It’s not you
It’s me
To overcome others is strong.To overcome oneself is the will of power. I try to convince myselfThat I am the best actress to ever walk the earth,And that the hole concaving in my chestIs simply a understudy for my sadness. To overcome others is
my pencils are dull.
not because they aren’t tended to,
not because they’re like the overused pencils
in a kindergarten class.
my pencils, they have no sharpener.
I can feel it
The wind rushing through my hair
The gentle tug of my face as that breeze goes quickly past me
I love this feeling
This freedom
Struggling Smile
Through Hollow Cheeks
And Cracked Lips
She Whispers
I'll Be Alright
Bags Under Her Eyes
Cuts All Up Her Thighs
No One Ever Told Her It's
Okay To
Cry.
1. Catch a feeling, connect that feeling to the way that butterfly wings flutter, shutter. The way the wind protests against the trees, creating music with a breeze. 2.
a hunched and squeaking thing
stalking you from mirror’s edge. perching
with slender spider legs and teeth. blinding
white and fragile as
eggshells. clicking
it’s tongue behind the light-bulbs. whispering
To yearn for happiness will bring aboutAn emotion that tears at my weak heartNo wisdom here found in deadly black artThe seeds of dissent this feeling will sproutPure happiness this seedling will wipe outOnly sadness and fear will it impartWithin
A sobbing stillness overtakes the mind
The echoes of happiness far from view
People wander, and on their path they find
Cages which horrors have broken through
This number is only going to do so much for me
It may have someone waiting to save me on the other end
But I don't have the courage to call
I feel like if I call
I'd just take another fall
Trying to call
When the luminous rays of the fireball so many miles away just glistens off of your brown skin...
It often forces the mind to wander to distant sacred places that can only be found within...
The hair of my arms turned,
I know this collision of arms is inevitable,
Yet my mind spins like a ferris wheel gone rogue,
A correction must be made to my limbs,
Wrong, this is wrong; tears pry their way out
We are the jokersThe lonersThe invisible roamersThe insomniac dreamersAnd the at-risk soldiers
sitting here colder, shoulder to shoulder,
Always being told "you'll be better when you're older".
We are the jokersThe lonersThe invisible roamersThe insomniac dreamersAnd the at-risk soldiers
sitting here colder, shoulder to shoulder,
Always being told "you'll be better when you're older".
Depression depression you bring me down you make me sad you make me drown.
Drowned in emotions so deep so dark, they melt my soul they break my heart.
The cuts, the burns, the tears feel great.
Deceivers, yes they do deceive.
Believers, o how they believe.
Take heed to the warning,
Let me be, I must proceed.
Blindly walking in misconception,
Twenty Sixteen was a year of deception.
intrusive
invasive
unwanted
these thoughts that won't let me be free
They say I'm hopeless
They at I'm hated
It seems like nothing can make them stop
They say I'm a failure
Coughing up and regurgitating blood,
I hoped it was all but a dream.
The scintillating lights above me seemed to fade.
I was not alone; at my bedside stood a distinct, unfamilar shade.
Smoke cascades like soft grey velvet,
past cracked lips that slowly release the worries of the world,
Kill yourself a little bit every day,
because that's better than living long enough to think about you,
I should be exhausted
I am exhausted
Both physically and mentally
Physically, not so much
Mentally, too much
This world is filled with mental exhaust
I am one of them
Can rest cure this
My head and heart is a dark, vast fieldA place of undead truths and haunting liesDangerous secrets and a muddle of negativityAnd this is why, towards such things, my lips are sealed
Everyday bouncing around in the mind and bodyNever have a boring day, a constant state of hyperTo have thoughts replay over and overThe meds offer no help they cause only depression
It's too bad I'm not a mas-o-chisttie me down like i asked-for-this
I'm screamingI'm strandedAbdicatedAbandoned
No. Free. Will.
They say that being in your family's embrace is one of the best feelings in the world.
Well... what if you're adopted?
Adopted...
Adopted... Why was *I* adopted?
It's hard to see how close we are to the edge.
We'd be dead with just one step.
Just one move--we'd lose our way.
Every day, on the brink of insane
A fragile line to separate the sides
Take hold of thy pen,
Crawl within my den,
The world appears free,
For the beholder is me,
I caress the page with my wants,
No sour stranger can ever taunt,
In the world of love and poetry,
<p>I'm no longer in step like a marching band member off his countsI'm no longer in the program like a singer cut from the choirI'm no longer in the loop like a roller coaster off of its tracksI'm no longer with the conventional crowd anymor
her words struck me like lightning.
passion and strength erupted from her booming voice.
it was beautiful and terrifying all at once.
I don’t get stream of consciousness writing style. Sorry Virginia Woolf, I have too much running through my brain to have to comprehend what’s trickling through yours.
Like a ballet dance on blades,Your mind is a fickle thing. Relevé, going fully en pointeOn razorblades,Slice your sole to sorry shreds--So very fucking sorry.
The day is like any other day
At least it starts like that
But then the weight in my stomach drops like a dead weight
And I know that this day will be anything but OK.
The only thing,
that I need in this world,
is me.
My mind,
my thoughts,
my feelings,
my knowledge.
Without it, I am not alive.
I couldn't reminisce about happy days,
When you look at him, he can feel his veins burn up, he can feel them grow weak as his blood grows stale.
I have a weakness, its unspeakable.
My brain keeps pounding, breakable.
The sounds of these voices, unreachable.
The pain in my head, unbearable.
Listen to me, pay attention.
Look me in the eyes, dedication.
You're crying again...
tears comin' down your face
You're sobbing, almost in tears, all in tears,
depressing, or anger
hitting your fists against the wall
tellin' yourself it won't happen again,
I feel exhaustion.
I feel broken
I feel lost and im still hoping
That I can get out of this whole Im in
Filling to the brim with water within
Im trapped
Im crying out and no one can see
We live in a world of impossible possibilities
A world where nothing is really reality
When the man I loved tried to commit suicide, I can only describe my pain as having my heart ripped through my chest with hands of barbed wire, broken-glass dreams and smoldering promises.
When I saw the scars on her wrist,
I didn't see an attention whore,
I saw an angel counting her days,
I'm all alone in this room,
Sitting here in my stone doom.
I'm all alone in this land.
I'm not part of God's plan.
No more, I can't.
Tears pour, I can.
I’m mental.
I’m losing what’s left of my rapidly
deteriorating mind.
Its hard to understand a basket
case.
No one really does.
The moon is a symbolDespite the darkness, somewhere out there is our source of light
They come in at night when all is still
they scrape away and run and steal
my happiness and pleasure
They see it as their treasure.
Down, down, down they go into the hole
where time stops and no body knows
even the wildest of us, craving freedom, has broken
alone, the sleepless nights pass so tediously
One, two, three-
Organized alphabetically.
Four, five, six-
this must have a fix.
Seven, eight, nine-
but I hate to whine.
Ten, elven, twelve-
mentally it delves.
People walking the streets with their gold, as if life to them will never feel cold
That's what we want to see, is the life that was meant to be, for me.
I am one amongst many
I have a perspective that coUntless cannot fathom to Understand
Mental stability
The cuts got deeper
The blades got sharper
The lights got darker
The voices got quieter
The world got away
Everyday feels the same,
like im going insane,
trying to stay in this game,
No one knows,
what I dare not show,
And no matter where I go,
You are there,
showing you don't care
bold or italic and underlined tell the one you love old grandmas running around yet no where to be found
You know that girl who's always smiling in the hallways,
The girl who knows everyone and speaks to everyone,
The girl who isn't popular, but everyone knows her,
Because she has a free spirit?
Things like this don’t go away
The sadness builds as you try to be strong
Some days you can’t even get out of bed
You don’t tell the ones you love
If you do they get mad
Like it’s your fault you’re sad
We are never the people we were meant to be.
Bruised, torn, and can't be altered by therapy.
For our brains are damaged,
Brainwashed indeed. By the ones we love
And by those we never see.
I must be a ghost.
Oh, how they walk through me.
It's like I'm invisible,
And no one hears my screams.
It's a lifetime story,
But I hate those shows.
There's things in the world,
Hysterically, I laugh at what I want to do to you.
What you deserve.
You clearly don’t think I’m crazy.
Well, clearly I’m about to snap after you used and abused me.
Beat me down
Pull my hair
A constant frown
It's so unfair
My mind is distorted
It makes me see things that aren't really there
My body is contorted
God, I wish I didn't care
Silence
Oh Silence,
My hushed homeland hide-out
a gem
rarely unearthed
main supporter when all is wrong
When all words fail
Silence
A smile that is what I show
Behind it a tortured mind that no one will ever know
I walk my line, I do my time
I try to be respectable, caring, and refined
But on the inside what one does not see
your words, they stingjust like a razor blade upon my skinsinking deeper with each cut you slit
I am suffering from a black plague,
Though the symptoms are very vague.
My air comes in rattled breaths,
A squeezing constriction in my breast.
My stomach feels heavy and contorted,
I don't like it.
Not at all, I don't appreciate this.
This immense hatred, and dislike.
That is all towards me.
Why? I must ask why...
Why am I the target, of all,
Your hatred?
Each breathe is just another inhalation of these gas like fumes distributed to toy with the mind of the young.
I lay in bed and shake,
my body trembles uncontrollably,
I feel my bones break.
Her words hit me like a ton of heavy clouds, then all at once, the rain seemed to pour down.
This is what the front line is like
A line where all have stood at points in life
A trial of tears, stress and pain
Deception is an ugly site
There is some sort of delight
Mind this matter, of mind over matter, to my mind that doesnt matter, in a state of mind unsure of the matter, between reality and insanity.
Insane, you are, Insanely you're too insane, insane to insanley admit you're insane.
If I could change one thing, it’d be this tall, intimidating fence.
I’d tear it down and frolic away deliriously into the world that’s been waiting for me.
Poem 1: Keep Calm and Don’t Judge Me
Love (Shake my head); when I was fourteen years I thought I found love,
Love like: Fairy Tales, and all that Fucking Bullshit people allow.
My insecurities has taken Over all things me I can feel the change in my mind the hurt in my heart I no longer believe the words that are said I'm dead In the inside with no hopes of coming back you have broke me down to my last there is nothing
Life is hard, life is tough,
it knocks you down, sucks you dry, even when you had enough
you can't hide, running will make it even more rough,
stand strong, will it out, no matter how hard,
Would you tell a blind man he needs to open his eyes more to see?
Would you dare say “just walk it off” to a recent amputee?
Of course not. You know that the solution isn’t to be strong willed
The Mind;
it alters with time
it makes matters better,
or worse, in it's prime.
It's peculiar to know
that we all have a mind
each different, unique
each on of a kind.
Some are poisoned,
Insatiably stalked by haunting perceptions
Mental insecurities cause collections of indiscretions
Bleak emotions are psychological assassins
I pretend to drown in the bath.
I dream of hazy, pill-induced dazes.
But then I remember these kids.
These Salvation Army angels
have become true angels to me.
They came when I cried and have saved my life.
Everything is shattered, broken, utterly and completely destroyed
So dramatically so, windows broken in to a million pieces, paint strewn across the floor
Yellow wall paper gone gray as if out of fear
Yesterday he showed me his bruises.
Pulled his sweater up and underneath his breast
They were scattered across his ribcage like a
Little patch of violet rorschach tests.
I daydream of being something different, somewhere different
I wonder, I questions, I think and I have come to the conclusion.
Im not living to die, but dying to live.
Crushed by this endeavor.
Broken by my lover.
I once thought love was forever,
but time seems to end when we were together
Hit the rocks from the tide.
Dropped down from the vibe.
If people were emotions you would be love, the way you look at someone and let them open up like an old cupboard.
A dark gloomy place where there is know hope, just fear and exhustion.
Where food is substitued with screams of agony, fear, and hunger.
With know escape, but maybe there is one, your only way out is death.
A dark gloomy place where there is know hope, just fear and exhustion.
Where food is substitued with screams of agony, fear, and hunger.
With know escape, but maybe there is one, your only way out is death.
A troubled mind of broken thoughts
to ponder as you lay;
drowning in an open sea
of sorrow every day.
Console your thoughts with talks of love
and what you hope will be,
What if you felt an undying affectionAn honest, eternal, phlegmatic protectionIf love couldn't find you, would you go off and lookFor the one who'd complete you, by hook or by crook?
I have recognized that everyone is on their own
At the end of the day we have all sung the same song
Our emotions are imperceptible, we can barely express them
We can easily fool each other with our thoughts and truths
The voices I heard in my head are so loud, discombobulated, overbearing,
That it makes me wonder how you can be so sure about what the hell you are talking about!
Am I really the one with the broken brain?
simply because I'd cannot remember your name
as I look all around me your faces are strained
am I really the one who looks strange?
All of the sneers all look the same
It courses through the viens
thick as molases, hot as fire.
Quickley spreading like fast moving trains,
it brings on that unwanted desire.
Clouds roll in,
bringing that unimaginable din,
Everywhere I turn there are hundreds
Of dazzling smiles
So, so many are surrounding me
In a radius of miles
But not me, no. I do not smile
Because I am no one
Have you ever had a moment where you kinda just think
This isn't where I'm supposed to be
And you're just not where you want to be.
My Love he makes me the happiest, but he also causes me so much pain
I wish I never met him, but I also want to be held in his strong arms
My Love he is full of rage, but he is also so senistive
She held him tightly as she bled
A gushing pool of crimson red.
He cried out, “How can this be?
“Why must she be down, and why not me?”
Her wedding dress was now drenched,
Eyes are like the doors into our minds.
You can tell just by looking into someone’s eyes what kind of world they live in.
Whether it's dark and night or happy and light
A mind has vacated its body
Escaping voids lingering deep within a battered soul
With ignorance to the disconnect it harvests
A storm is brewing yonder
And one will become wary listening to the thunder
Sometimes I feel like it's all my fault,
like I brought this family down.
Like I'm the reason mama's always crying,
Perhaps I will purchase new glassesAnd frame my darkened lamps anewAnd auspiciously. Here I might beseech,Behold, and betoken another looking-glass self;Here enkindle and focus new knowledge
"Just come to me my dear, and you will have no fear."
She walks alone through school; no one seems to think she's cool.
There's something about her that makes my dead heart stir.
Love doesn't come with directions,
it's never quite the same
Sometimes it leaves you broken up,
or changes your last name
One look,
one touch,
one smile could really change it all
I miss the stones
That used to tap on my window
To wake me up
And sneak out with my people
I would softly laugh
As I climbed down the wall
To greet you with open arms
But now you are gone
You never took the time to see how i felt,
You simply did instead of do.
I was hurt , Heartbroken and unheard
and now im all alone.
Helpless, Defenseless and Aching .
Like the sound of silence calling,
I hear your voice aloud and suddenly,
I feel I'm falling, lost in a dream.
You were everything to me,
The air that I breathe,
You are the moon and I am the sea,
Your constant changing faces,
Are always changing me,
When you show your full face,
Narcissistic Ned is driving; no surprise there.
It's all about him. The others? Who cares?
Contemplative Craig lays sprawled out behind.
Where is the pain?
It’s here inside -
Buried within my heart;
Raw and worn
In crippled form,
No pulse it needs
To start.
I need this suppressed pain,
For what is life
They fill us up with lies
They pull down the blinds
And are the cause
Of our sad demise
These voices and their venom
Slowly poison us to death
And in time we become
anger with frustration
is a nasty combination
with a little confusion
and you mind will cave in
head simply spinning
can't concentrate
forget the date
and run in hell's direction
There is no cure, no acceptance, no understanding, and no answer. Textbooks can only tell you so much, and unless you have lived it, it is near impossible to judge from the outside.
A mental breakdown is like a crack in the walls of the universe
A quickly expanding hole
That you didn't realize was there
Until you felt the draft
You felt the pain of the widening gap
Terror and fright consume me:
Light leaves and dark trails behind me.
I am forever alone with no one near or close,
In this secluded island, I stand morose.
As the sun fades away
The sky turns to gray
O' dear, I can only say,
"See you tomorrow morning star"
We look back in time
To where we had our best and worst times
Wish we had a time machine
I was a Stopper, a panic, a coil,
Watching. With Awe. as my life would spoil
Away with fear as I lay in my slumber.
Falsely believing my days were numbered.
Immortal souls don't last forever.
They are taken by greed.
Frozen in time and space.
Never changing.
Ceasing to live.
In the early evening, I come home from the park.
And inside my house there are shadows in the dark!
When thoughts fail, or words do not come
Though all alone emotion remains
I should not be guided by this
But I can get divided by this
So what then
I was always taught never seem weak
Always act strong
To always fake that smile
And laugh like nothings wrong
But right now I think about those hard times I got through
It seems fine
the wine is flowing
Laughter is swirling the room
Sadness is blockaded from entering
That rush of panic
Im running!
I want to forget reality!
Only wanting to reach
Time.
Time enchants her victim, begs me near to sharp being…
Wraps round frail shoulders as she tickles porcelain cheek.
They'll label you
Try to give you drugs that disable you
Saying this will never hurt, its to save you
But it cures you
Cures you from not following the status quo
Wipe out all the truth you may know
Wallowing in self-hatred
I am nothing therefore deserve nothing
Longing for an escape
Incarcerated in my own thoughts, there’s only one option
Darkness cages, while canvas white
is his only light as he avoids traces
of human life. He ignores splattered paint, dripping
brushes, and sickening scent of mildew and waste.
The mortal man may say "fires burn with a symbolic passion".
Such a thought does not begin to describe the attraction.
The flame atop his hand burns, not with an interest, but an addiction.
The eyes do see
Like shadows in the night
Every move I make
I am not alone
The eyes do see
For reasons of their own
A creature far from pure
Is always on my mind
Dear man walking past my bench at 12:45 AM,
In passing I've decided to love you.
Though short was our acquaintance; I love you all the same.
~Hell & Back
i’ve seen hell & back
i’ve been through here before
the scars lie on my back
i’ve cried many tears
this isn’t fiction this fact
i’ve lost friends
i’ve gained angels
Medication.
Fix me.
Take away my humanity.
One emotion, I don't want depth.
I only want what I can help.
Help me rid of sorrow and tears
So nothing but happy will last these years
Little Marco is the smartest boy in his class.
Other kids think he's weird all because he doesn't like to start trouble.
He's respectful and creative.
My fear consumes me.
I'm torn on the inside.
Should I stay for you,
Or can I run for me?
I feel your soul filled eyes,
Staring down and judging.
After my past with you,
How do I change me?
I am in pain,
From my head to my chest,
Nothing has changed,
I always tried my best,
But it did nothing,
I don’t belong here,
I am something,
But I can’t shed a tear,
I am in pain,
It is because of you
That I am lost
it is because of you that I
Have been found
It is the fire that you
Gave to me
That heats my hot air
Balloon
I am floating in midair
My knees are weak
They begin to tremble
From fear of deceit
My body longed for home,
that was calling for me.
How did I get to this point ?
I feel like I've lost all hope,
stranded I was.
Am I a can?
They categorize me,
say it's what I am.
But I am not made of tin,
don't hold soup inside me.
Everyone hates a captive ball
A free ball sounds more appetizing—
But I the one who takes the fall.
God not slightly compromising,
When he drained, he drained all…
It’s like he’s trapped in a cage.
He’s building up rage
Within the days
He’s been spending in this place
Where he’s stuck,
Surrounded by his own thoughts and emotions
That his demons brought