Queer
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I've spent too much time caring about other people's views
Wear what you want
It doesn't matter who you are
Born a girl, feel like a boy
Don't want to wear your skirts cause society says it ain't right
i like to think we- the transsexuals-
are more divine than the gods,
for we weild the touch of creation.
we birth our own flesh and blood,
build our own bodies,
and shape them with loving hands.
So you call yourself a patriot?
One who supports this dreaded land?
You find yourself proud of this
Of all we have destroyed?
Society says
You’re not sick; you’re just fine
Society says that you don’t need help
That you don’t know pain
That you’ve never felt
The way it is to have to ask
Am I dying?
I never thought
I'd understand, fully
The pain that accompanies the memory
The stab in the back as my thoughts force me to recall
All of the things they've said to me
the inevitable question
arises again
and it cuts
just as deep
as it always does
the inevitable question
always asked by someone else
always painful
always innocent
I eat too much to die
and not enough to live
and I claim that I try
but I can’t say
how much effort I really give
my body is shutting down
but I’m past the point of feeling it
I’ve heard it’s hard
To come to this
A last resort
So don’t resist
The way I ask
Is not quite clear
Some people think
There is no fear
The fear is there
I think if I could swim it might be rather fun
But for now I’d rather run
Because the sea levels are rising and I think they might just swallow me whole
And the night would go quiet
They might think it droll
Consuming my days, and
Filling the nights
With a special blend of dread
It’s a debate in my head:
I want the day to be over
I want it to never end
I dread the days
They tried to tell me
The funniest thing
That what I’ve avoided
Will be my own doom
They whispered so loudly
The things I fear most
And the monster inside me
Uses my illness to boast.
The system is broken
You can’t change my mind
They don’t look for the right signs and warnings...
And it hurts but I can’t
And you won’t understand
But I guess that’s the price left to pay
The sky was falling
In the form
Of grey translucent drops.
The air was heavy
In my lungs
So my mind took me away.
I made a plan
I packed and ran
Every
You say the shoes need filled
By someone greater than I
You think they are still too big
Just like your ego—I mean the figment
From which my imagination grew?
But what you fail to notice
I wanted to be a singer.
I wanted to be so many things
Things you used to tell me I could
Things you told me I would be
But I can’t
I never could
And all I can do right now is
Some of you have never had to
Walk home with your head on a swivel
Your hands clutching keys
Your head filled with fear
Some of you
Have never had to wonder
If you’ll make it home in one piece
Otherness
It's something I feel often.
people talk at great lengths, with
such passion of things I do not
understand.
They speak of romance and attraction
like the world will end without it.
First: Jesus loves you. Even if he is the only man who does at the moment.
Two: your sexuality and your religion are not mutually exclusive and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Dear chubby queer kid
I know those words feel like insults now
But someday you will learn to own them
To wear them like medals you earned
Because you did earn them
Fighting every day to survive
The year I was born
Was the same year Matthew Shepard was murdered
The same year blood filled our televisions
And anger burned our throats
The year I was born was when everything changed
Friday night, first week of May, you brought me here like a child. Hungry for new experiences. A new world. Scared that that world might not accept him as he is. Nervous.That night we drank, we danced, we laughed, and we kissed….
I never told my parents I was gay.
Never mentioned that I would not be giving them grandchildren.
An eleven year old’s mind, full of insecurity, but eleven year old’s will listen.
Listen to the news that you watch
A tight, heavy thing becomes known inside.Who knows if it's new or only just discovered?I wonder if I'm just trying to hidewho I am behind a facade, coveredso well I'm not aware I'm doing it.
Oh my sweet boy
You who were once my morningstar
Far away and too far gone
Lost amidst the endless sea
Drowning you with each crushing wave
The grave hollows the liesThat are performativeFor it reveals my own bondageShake the blocks crushing down my skirtSo it crumbles down the mirror of delusion
Who are you in the flesh?Were you always masculine or feminine Or were you just too extreme for the box?
It's just those kids that are a little bit off,
when a teacher calls their name and they struggle not to cough
And ,,Girls on the right and boys on the left" is a terrifying statement
A minute is slicing my nerves
It gives me a pressure along my body's curves
Muting my voice down to the silence
Betraying me, my gestures are put in defiance
A minute ago I was a human
I've been uprooted thrice. First found
no comfort in being myself. By
being swept off the ground.
The people hanged stigma over
With voices harsh and loud
Second, the state failed to make me proud
Remain untouched by the love and acceptance of the other
Stay beyond of life and people's circles
You're all alone
The best you can do is to hide yourself from your mother
you breathed a song into my mouth,
a melody so beautiful that if he should hear it,
Bernstein would write off his symphonies
as nothing more than empty refrains.
Little do they know,
As they march along the streets, bearing flags upon their shoulders—
As they raise their banners high with faces strong and filled with purpose—
She tucks her t-shirts into her skirt.
She died a streak of her hair in 4th grade.
She only played tag with others girls.
She won't tell her family she likes her,
she isn't afraid,
she just doen't need to.
I love my mother
I love her warmth
I love her wit
I love her fearlessness and admire her endurance
I love the way she loves strangers
I love the way she loves me
In adolescence,
i slept
in my binder
last night,
the fabric compressing
tight
holding my ribs
close
We sat togetherfingers intertwinedlegs swinging overthe ledge,the edge of abyss(of bliss?)no space between
to be queer is strange,
but stranger is pretending
for you that i’m not.
i am not a bug
to be shut in a jar and
You say they’re confused
They don't know what they want
They don't understand
And in order to put the world in order
You’re usually not that blunt.
It’s usually sewn in with threads of:
motherhood, divine goal, dating advice, dances,
I usually just
don’t exist.
A haircut
It all started with a haircut
seems kinda stupid
But there it is
Pleasant smiles
Suddenly became confused glares
when i couldn't turn to anyone
words put on paper let me feel
comfort in the simple words
she, he, they
a lover of poetry and people
Ethereal angel of ice and snow,
Against thy cheeks, the wind doth blow.
A zesty tang of winter spirits
Bid thee come to see and hear its
Melodies of gentle breeze, see
Spectacles of painted trees,
Dear future me,
I am from a softly lit night sky stretching out into the dawn,
a homely little cottage basking in its warmth.
Dear Humanity,
The lips she used to kiss
Her same sex lover with,
And the binary she dismissed
Made them all loose their mind
The lips she used to kiss
Her same sex lover with,
And the binary she dismissed
Made them all loose their mind
in bits, and hiss, and scream,
To my 18-year-old self,
I know you are scared
Because it took you forever
To admit to yourself
That you might be gay.
I know you’re confused
Because you’ve liked boys before, too
August 23, 2017
Dear Mom,
Please read this entire letter through and don't skip around; read this before opening the email I sent you. Please keep an open mind. I love you!
Because I am not who you want me to beYou criticize, chastise, and punish meCurse me to the end of the Earth,And throw your religion in my face.
It’s not okay
You know, it’s just not
It’s not okay that I can’t just be me
You say that me is all I can be
But, then, tell me why I can’t be me when I’m with thee.
To live and breathe
As queer and Samoan-
Is to walk a hundred tight ropes-
Only to fall,
And land on another tightrope
On another tightrope
On another tightrope
On another tightrope
for Sofia
Last night you came over
Slept over
On a school night
The next morning
We walked in hand in hand
And I got looks from my friends
They said if a boy hits you
he likes you
They say if you like a boy
Flirt with him
They say the guys plan the dates
All we have to do is wait
But no one say what to do
A Strange Reality
------------------------
I know nothing of love
They say it is divine,
"You'll know it just when you fall in".
They know nothing at all.
I think it's so rare.
Her skin soft (in texture and color).
Brown eyes so quirky and radiant.
She's such a dork
and I love that about her.
I barely know her,
so why is she the subject of my poems?
I am thankful for queer history.
However hidden it has been.
I am thankful for the great artists and engineers of the Renaissance.
I am thankful for DaVinci and Michelangelo.
A flowering brush silently drips and perspires under the regulation of the dawn.
Bees spawn amongst the first lit blooms, humoring the early bird.
I know a few lost boys
They wear skirts too small and pants too big
They handcraft their own toys
They shave off their hair and try on a wig
They wish for time to pass but not to grow old
He died when he was a boy.
(Peter breaks through)
Golden child of all his siblings:
(the shadow.)
beloved, beautiful, anchored
Labels.
They can make you feel like you’re soaring above the clouds,
Surrounded by birds of feather, whom together they flock,
The breeze whisking through your plumage,
America the Lost
When people say “America the Great”
They are almost unwaveringly supporting
An America of Hate.
Olive Oil
Caseena Karim
my grandmother prays
to a man pale enough
for a public to adore
she tells me,
O beautiful for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain
The chorus rings in my living room as we sing,
My father clumsily playing the piano
And my brother and I singing off-key.
My rights are being taken away!
You scream while I cannot go to the bathroom in my home state.
My rights are being violated!
That feeling, those feelings, that tingling I have
The twinkling, the gleaming, screaming within
The bleeding, the pleading, the grieving that’s been
Confusing when it’s who I am.
I am a lesbian.
I am a human.
I am alive.
I have feelings.
I do not hate men.
Men have not hurt me.
It's not a phase.
I can fall in love.
I smile at myself in the mirror
and it all seems a little bit clearer
My reflection has grown
to an uncharted zone
and it all seems a little bit queerer
But queer is the funniest word
January
girls are just prettier there's nothing wrong with me
February
maybe i do like girls that's okay
March
i don't care what you are i just want love
April
girls are so amazing in every way
i just want to be. to be anything i choose. to be a doctor. to be a lawyer. to be an artist.
but to be anything i choose, i am forced to change. to change who i am. to change what i stand for.
With Her,
Faces, names, places,
All the world spins past,
On a colorful carousel
Within grasp,
But She is next to me
I don't care for anyone else
She's here
They're not.
Where is the life I used to have
Carried in my suitcase
Of neon green?
Did it dissapear down
The rabbit hole of
Beige, nothing but
b e i g e.
Did it fall down the
There are two queens
In my kingdom
There are two queens
In my kingdom, you see
There are two queens
And nobody is the 'man'
In our damn relationship
Do you need basic definitions?
these two situations are not ideal in combination:
being thirteen,
and realizing that gay is a synonym for your name.
but that was my summer before eighth grade.
It's hard being in a closet.The hangers hit your head and you can't see past whatever clothes you have.But I think it's even harder being in THE closet.
What's a name if no one ever calls you that?
What's a name if spoken in spite?
The constant correction, rejection, feels as if I'm at bat.
Would I ever cave to the slander? At best-
I might.
I sit in the buckle of the bible belt
Fighting to merely exist
As white men in stiff suits
With smiles that never reach their eyes
Sit in a room in DC
I sit in the buckle of the bible belt
Fighting to merely exist
As white men in stiff suits
With smiles that never reach their eyes
Sit in a room in DC
to sin with love
is to quite simply love,
to judge someone's love
is like judging art.
you may not like the sight
or even see the point
but to others it may feel just right.
I’m pretty sure that public bathrooms might just be the most important invention of our modern world,
I mean think about it,
The main character loves me, the smart side-kickThe thought is a balloon that continuously rises
Every time someone would ask me my sexuality,
I would feel the words get caught in my throat
And I’d try my hardest not to swallow them down.
i think of you and the butterflies, swarming my stomach, swim up and up to my throat in a tornado.my gums are growing flowers, making meadows of messages i can only wish to speak to you.
i wish there’s someway i could tell you
about not being able to sleep.
i want you to view me with virtue;
i want your opinions to keep.
so i can’t tell you of what i’m dreaming,
tell me you love me with stars in your eyes
and i’ll run my bruised hands through your hair.
tell me you love me, darling, it’s no surprise:
i’ve known forever that you are there.
you, who at first made me feel different,
and yet at once very much the same:
my heart leapt, and my stomach twisted
around every syllable of your name.
i don’t think i have ever tried so desperately hard
i am made of ice, my smile permafrost,
and my cold and beat-less heart makes no sound.
i am steady, and my morals never get me lost.
my eyes are open; both my feet are on the ground.
teach me to play the piano,
and i’ll teach you about thermodynamics.
your hands are too cold, and mine are too warm;
don’t you want to know why that happens?
why, when we touch, you melt and i stiffen?
you have too much heart, and i don’t have enough stars in my eyes,
and i'm afraid of loving you, because love comes in different kinds.
and i fear the way you smile at me, the way that you laugh,
Define 'happy'....
feel smiling so quickly your brightness radiates out, and blinds you.
But even blind you see 'happy' because the sound of your laughter,
in blacked-out eyes, paints the northern lights on your mind.
Hey, You!
Sitting, struggling, struggling to be sitting
still.
Fidgeting and squirming in the seat but
No. Knows standing,
Standing is worse. Because standing
For far too long I tried to walk down your road,
In hopes that it would pull your attention to me
This is the story how I got close to losing myself
This is the story how I became so great!
While the world splits meAnd everythingIn twos,The only option that fits meI'm not allowed to choose.When I tuck up my hairIt's not to impress you.So don't tell me what I should wear.
odd how i think ofYou in the spice aisleof the grocer near my homewhich sits empty,waiting forYour bodyto fill it with the smell of rosemary andsmoke. if only i had time
I hate what oppression has done for my group.
"Maybe you just haven't found the right man yet."
I hate what oppression has done for my group.
"Who treated you wrong?"
Growing up in a rural town, a child is planted in a foundation based on a few societal beliefs
That God is the only un-defyable truth in life and societal obedience defines your worth
Land of the free
Home of the brave
As long as you're white
And not transgender and certainly not a queer lady.
Help!
I’m trapped.
I’m being held inside myself,
I get asked…
Are you a boy?
Are you a girl?
What are you?
Why do you dress like that?
What is wrong with you?
Why am I different?
Why am I shunned?
Words you have said with no intent of apology I am stunned.
Like a bee your words stung.
I was a princess, now I feel homeless.
No disrespect intended.
Transgender
A word that brings Fear.
That brings dysphoria, confusion, invasive questions
Fear of entering another's home and being attacked
By their transphobic parents
This heart is at peace, finally.
It has been one hell of a journey.
Dear God,
This is a letter from your queer daughter.
Wait, hold up did this girl just say queer?
"You are not a child of God!" Someone shouts!
Oh shut up! This is my letter.
Anyway you know I grew up in church
Every day I wake up in the wrong body
The misconceptions it causes
make me feel less like a miss
and more like a mistake
Tea on a Sunday
evening
Two young girls
hide behind their words
their illustrations
small talk eludes
dark realities
too afraid to address
the monster
in the closet
When you saw me walk into your restaurant
I doubt that th first thing you thought about
was asking me what my preferred pronuns might be
Instead, what I'm sure came to mind was:
"Shaved underarms bu hairy legs
I am me, that's who I am.
I don't go by your rules anymore.
I am not just your pretty girl,
I am so much more.
I am a boy, a girl, neither, both,
I am one, I am anything and everything.
There is a disparity
between my mind and my body,
like wearing a suit two sizes too small
and pressing out desperately
but unable to flee.
Looking in the mirror, facing fears,
A human body is made up of trillions of cells
Those cells form together to make people
People vary in size from babies the size of a hand
To still growing adults above eight feet tall
It’s been a couple months.
The pictures are all gone.
But there's no delete button
For the pictures in my head.
Or the words that you said.
I’ve convinced myself that I’m over you.
Life's a trip when you're queer, But the road needs re-paving,Not a dull moment here,society's ranting and raving."All fags go to hell!""OMG let's go shopping!"Oh my soul I would sell,
When I lean into your neck
and a sigh escapes my mouth,
I am trying to tell you how to
touch me.
I can't get my words out because the constrictor in my throat is begging my silence to keep it company. Because they're bigger than me and their burns sting like the cigarettes they want me to be
So I stay silent
I rearrange my personality and fix my face,
Tuck my curse words and laid back cool college kid demeanor
When my seventh grade self,
Riled up over the excitement of having a girlfriend,
Came out to my mom I said,
Does he like me?
Dances, kisses, cuddles
Hands navigating unchartered territory
So many firsts
But her touch
Over the now chartered territory
But this time was different
I would make everyone see that
We're all human.
We're all the same.
Sharing the same planet and co-existing in beautiful diversity
And these things you call
"race"
"sexuality"
"gender"
They ask me if I'm confused?
They ask me if it's a phase?
They tell me it's a choice. That I wasn't born this way.
A twisting lock of hair falls round your face
A shield of purple lacquer coats your nail
As desperately I need to know my place
I try and try and try to no avail.
In a world of grey,
The dull charcoal of a city sidewalk,
Life bursts through.
Small and insignificant.
And from the cracks,
Color seeps.
A million shades,
And one of them, I.
come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!because who does christmas belong to, anyway?
I wish I could tell you
about myself:
that I love the whole spectrum of gender
and that I feel so uncomfortable
in my own skin
that I want to peel it all away
and become new
Straight girl walks in a crooked line
Straight to hell, ignoring the signs.
Nothing is straight under pressure,
Living under a forever broken spine.
Straight talk isn't so straight anymore,
Her hair is short
And bitter sweet
Her eyes are red
She doesn’t sleep
………………………………………..
She lay awake
You call me a queer and I hope you do,
for I do differ from what’s normal to you.
You call me queer and I hope you do,
because it’s true.
I stopped talking to godwhen I was 15because your eyes seemed softerthan oak church pews.
Dysphoria Sucks
These feelings can suck my non-existent dick
but shit
That just makes the dysphonia worse
doesn’t it?
My dysphoria peaks when my estrogen levels do
Free
Baby beluga in the deep blue sea
You swim so wild and you swim so free
Heaven above and the sea below
Fight Another Hour
By Jesse Yelvington
Screw you for saying who and what I’m ‘supposed’ to be,
Though I hope you know that nothing you could say will ever change me;
Become again my Rose of No Man's Land
You no longer give me medicine, but I still have the tattoo.
I would sing the body electric if I thought I could stand it.
I used to steal everything
All my jewelry and perfume
But you can’t steal from a coffee shop
So that’s where all my money went
I knew a girl who took fire to her arms
Every day there is a mirror
A mirror of me
Who is she? Who is he?
The one that stares back
Stares back at me
With your boyish build
And girlish curves
Who is she? Who is he?
The minute I walked into those hospital hallways of middle school
I knew I had been lied to.
The once blissfull saying of:
“You can be anything you set your mind to”
Became a torturous saying for one simple reason.
Who I love should not define who
I am as a person.Why can you love her,
butI can’t?What evolutionary methods refuse to releaseme from this cycle.Where can I go for my rights
should not be a question.
kicking shade thrown,
peeling back eye lids that only want to go home, I see you.
and I hear you and I feel you
I smile outwardly to you because I don't need your pity,
You see me as a happy, bubbly, and sparkling young woman.
Did you ever realize that beyond my smile my eyes are filled with stories I'll never say with my lips?
You fell through the sky
Hitting cement
To break into a new dimension
Where you can fly,
And now your body
And spirit exist
In different planes.
The chicken and the egg,
They lock you up
They take pieces of you
Inch by inch
Try to force you
Into silence
Into willful captivity
Caged birds cannot fly
But they can still sing
Do not let your song be silenced
I have a voice;
Strong and loud.
Can make people listen,
People in the crowd.
I know right from wrong;
I'm not sitting in a cloud.
I'll scream till you hear me;
Scream really loud!
I look back at the few years in my life and I imagine what it would have been like to NOT have gone through what I did to become the person I am today.
Mistreated.
Abused.
I rather be called handsome than beautiful
I rather be called he than she
And i rather you say his than hers
Not miss but sir
you don't know how it feels
How it feels to feel this hurt
The most coveted houses
have cliffs off the back.
Ocean cliffs. cliffs
that are not
just for jump
-ing but
that is
what the rocks below are for.
My state is shaped like a mammoth.
There are people under the steeple
Who can’t keep their eyes off the peep-hole.
Why are their minds so weak and feeble?
It’s misunderstood, so deem it evil.
Mr. Man sits in Congress so regal,
