When I Evaporated
The sky was falling
In the form
Of grey translucent drops.
The air was heavy
In my lungs
So my mind took me away.
I made a plan
I packed and ran
Every
Single
Night
I pushed out all
The breath I held
When I stood upon the silver floor
I couldn’t take it anymore
So I walked out my back door
If your body yelled
Would you feel compelled
To answer its painful plea?
I pretend that it couldn’t be me
When stomach aches
Are not what wakes
You up before the dawn
At them you only yawn
Then maybe I
Could relate
While I evaporate
The sky is nicer anyway.
What would it take
Is it worth the wait
To finally dissipate?
Decisions must be made.
I wish I would have stayed.
So I evaporated
And maybe I
Should have hated
The gathering speed of the fall
But I just looked at them all—
And I felt.
Crazy, sometimes,
The things people do
To feel something real,
Or just to look more slight.
But maybe in hindsight—
It’s counterclockwise
Spinning outside
These carefully painted lines
Of what we are to hide
People don’t like different
Don’t like the ones who think too much
Who think there might be more
Something to even the score
So when I evaporated,
I was congratulated.
But people don’t really care
And sometimes I don’t dare
To push against the hate
And so I dissipate
I don’t feel anymore.
I can’t wear what I wore.
It’s grown a bit to easy
To act like I’m not queasy
When you offer me a bite
But you don’t even seem to notice
And I guess that seems alright.
The way my mind and body fight
Torn apart and quite
Frankly it’s just not
An illness that I “caught.”
It’s people this and people that
Only do what people like
It’s dot your I’s and cross your t’s
We’re never really free.
And that’s all I can see.
I bet you haven’t
Thought what I have
Bet you haven’t
Gone where I have
I hope that you still laugh
Because that’s good
It really is
Just don’t begin to act
As if you know
Something you lack
Sometimes I wish
I could go back
Before the color
Faded to black
But for now I look
Up to the sky
That took
Everything I am
As I evaporated.
The thing that people
Don’t often realize
What goes up
Comes back down
It’s only a matter of time
Maybe all of me that’s gone
Is falling down onto my lawn
In the form
Of pretty,
Grey
Raindrops
maybe.