To my 18-year-old self,

I know you are scared

Because it took you forever

To admit to yourself

That you might be gay.

 

I know you’re confused

Because you’ve liked boys before, too

But, did you know,

It is actually a thing

To like more than one gender?

 

Dear gay, young self,

I know right now

You feel lost,

Like you can never truly be you,

Never truly be free,

that this will be

At the back of your mind

For the next five years.

 

But,

I am here to tell you

That things will get better.

You will come

To love yourself

As you are.

 

Dear gay, young self,

You will meet a lot of girls

And some boys

Who will break your heart.

These heartbreaks will be hard

Because you will have no one to tell

But God and the sky.

And even that,

Is not enough

Sometimes.

 

Dear gay, young self,

Beautiful and ugly things

Will happen to your community

And you will be forced

To celebrate by yourself

And mourn on your own

 

But you will stand taller

Because this

Will remind you

That you must be proud

To be who you are

Not just for the sake

Of others,

But as an act

Of survival.

 

Dear gay, young self,

There will be days

Where you will want to give up,

But you will keep fighting

Because your desire

To love and to live

Will burn stronger than

Despair ever will.

 

Dear gay, young self,

You are resilient.

Resistant.

Strong.

Do you know

How many times

You will have

To hold your own hand,

Dry your own tears,

And pick your heart back up

On your own?

 

Dear gay, young self,

God still loves you,

He always has,

And He always will.

He does not care

Who you love

Or how you love,

As long as you love.

 

He will show you

In more ways than one,

That He will never leave you.

He will help you

Find light

In the darkest parts of yourself.

 

Dear gay, young self,

You may feel inadequate and unbeautiful

But you are none of those

You are more.

You are a beautiful soul

With a beautiful mind

And a heart of gold

That will touch more lives

Than you’ll possibly know.

 

Dear gay, young self,

You will meet people,

friends and mentors,

gay and straight,

Who will inspire you

And remind you

That Love is Love

And nothing

Is stronger.

 

Each time

Will bring you closer

To being the person

You were meant to become.

 

Dear gay, young self,

You may feel silenced,

You may be hurting,

You may feel alone,

But you,

You are powerful,

You are perfect,

You are loved,

And You

Will get through this.

 

With much love and respect,

Your 23-year-old self.