This smile ...


United States
40° 53' 19.4604" N, 73° 50' 52.0332" W

I smile outwardly to you because I don't need your pity,
You see me as a happy, bubbly, and sparkling young woman.
Did you ever realize that beyond my smile my eyes are filled with stories I'll never say with my lips?
I withhold these stories from you because of my humiliation and fear that YOU would be just another person to point a finger at me.
THEY stripped me from my rights.
Behind closed doors I detach myself from the person you see as "happy".
See I transform to a much more truthful me. Reality sets in ...
I am not good enough to be myself with you according to society.
Man with woman, woman with man. But, that is not me.
I love woman. I am a woman. I hide who I am to ensure your ease.
THEY make me sick.
I would love to share my truth with you.
The lie feels so much better. I rather be loved by a lie than rejected by the truth.
Do you understand?
I am abandoned by the world. My own mother hates this part of me.
She prays for me to change. To change my desire of woman to the desire of a man.
THEY agree with my mother.
AMBOMINATION! That's what I am to her.
But in reality I am just a young woman with a fake smile with real life issues.
Today was a lie but tomorrow I declare that my smile will be real. I will be honest.
When you see me tomorrow I will glow. My eyes will say "free at last"

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