mentalillness
Learn more about other poetry terms
Hey dad they say you love me they say you care
But hey dad why do i have to call
And hey dad am i gonna see you next fall
Your name never shows up on my phone
Society says
You’re not sick; you’re just fine
Society says that you don’t need help
That you don’t know pain
That you’ve never felt
The way it is to have to ask
Am I dying?
the inevitable question
arises again
and it cuts
just as deep
as it always does
the inevitable question
always asked by someone else
always painful
always innocent
I eat too much to die
and not enough to live
and I claim that I try
but I can’t say
how much effort I really give
my body is shutting down
but I’m past the point of feeling it
Consuming my days, and
Filling the nights
With a special blend of dread
It’s a debate in my head:
I want the day to be over
I want it to never end
I dread the days
They tried to tell me
The funniest thing
That what I’ve avoided
Will be my own doom
They whispered so loudly
The things I fear most
And the monster inside me
Uses my illness to boast.
And now is wiped away
A single drop
Or better yet
A single song no longer
A somber sound
One Wished upon
Such a disaster , I'm passing by
With distress to live and get tie
My heart says : don't say goodbye
But my mind says: let's die!
An infinite loop it has made thereby
To start this I'd like to leave some insight into why this poem and my username is the way it is. I am not good at writing poetry and my writing style has been refered to as like an idiot Dr.Suess. Which hurts, though i dont know why.
Hey, you hear me
Answer me.
Hey, you see me
Look at me.
Hey, you feel me
Touch me.
You can try to drown me out with your prescription
You can try to turn the music up so you can't hear me
I am the massacre. A scourge worthy of a mausoleum for all too see. Feels like Ive lived a hundred years and all those years you didn't see. I took everyone's hope away and destroyed any left for me. I concealed my deception as I consumed your per
Feeling like a genius with mental illness
Imagine contemplating death in a day to day basis
That's not basic or average
Overaged and outrages at labels of mental status
Currently there is not enough awareness
Imagine a flower picking its own petals,
Throwing them on the ground in disgust.
Criticizing every fine line and fuzz,
It doesn't seem to add up.
Imagine the trees dropping their leaves
A loss of life so young,
The words caught on my tounge.
A loss of a best friend,
Made me feel like it was the end.
She was only sixteen,
It still feels like a dream.
Memories of more than six years,
Drowned in a spot of water
Rooted deep your body aches
To splice the vessels, which bring
Life to your restless body
Aching to disperse the spears
Of crimson red which secretly
Burn choke crack
Smoking Crack
To fill the crack
Smells like crack
To just get some smack
Id be alive again
Feel alive again
Try again
Walking on eggshells
When you live your life with a mental illness
You overthink and love with your whole heart
Sadly nothing can kill it
Because it became a part
Today I lie in the ashes of my own passion,
the ruins of reckless self-obsession.
I sought to outthink my mind, herself,
the prevailing ruler of all that concerns me.
I don't know who or what you are, But I know the pain you put me through I am reminded by my mental scars Coming so close to death because of you Feelings of deep self-hatred and shame Keep overcoming my will to push through So my addictions rem
Hey, you there, sitting alone in the dark, why don't you get some sunlight, take a stroll in the park? I know this world can be cruel and I know that even your parents, can sometimes be fools.
Why am I the only one?
Why don't they give up?
I already know how bad I've done
But all I say is ‘suck it up
No one cares that's It's hard
You creeped inside my mind, in one instance and over time.
I felt you in my sleep, with each breath I couldn’t keep.
You hid inside my brain, and I wore a mussel of your shame.
Hello there.. How are you?
Have you thinking about me?
Because I'm thinking about you
Hello..
Can you hear me?
My heart trying to call you back but the voice becomes mute
Hello..
Can you hear me?
i love you, i love you, i love you. i love you so much, the bruises don’t hurt. i love you so much they’re not bruises; they’re accidents, and they won’t happen again. until they do. until i black out. i love you, i love you, i love you.
Bottled up inside, like a fifth of grey goose
emotions I tried to hide
my mind's running loose
afraid of what i might find
if I keep digging deeper
into my melon like a rind
I thought she was a keeper
I’ve been contemplating for the past three days,Words to describe my precise emotions,And I become embarrassed by myself,For not even being able to, in such a s
Were you too misinformed to see clearly,Of how they were destroying your own soul?You opened your mind to them so simply,As if there was not a blood-l
I feel it again,The ferocious beating of calypso drums,Coursing through my fingers,Creating foul beings.These false shadows of which have burst forth from my skin,Have created a jazz band of sin.
this life I live breaks my heart a little more each daythe maladies and tragedies consume my dreamsand wear away all my strengthsorrow is my constant companion asthe moments' crawl, seconds feel endless
I was born from drug addicted parents, but no one saw me.
I father killed himself when I was at the age of two, but no one saw me.
My mother was mentally ill and abusive, but no one saw me.
Sitting in class with my Victoria Secret perfume of Temptation and in my new letterman jacket.
I’m on the honor roll, valen victorian of my class, and engaged, not in some ostensible straitjacket.
Devoured by my mind
I stood a silent victim
Of mindless medication
Of helpless happiness
Of the emesse emptiness.
They told me,
Inside Your Hands-A Tragedy
I crawled into the safety of
The palm of your hand
And though the stars of the galaxy inside
Were annoyingly bright
It hurts to know-
you're not enough
Hearts shatter like broken bones
and words ring devistation
You waste yourself in incomplete
Promises
and crushed dreams
I wake up every day and take a nice long stretch
Noticing my room is a mess
My energy cannot be spent on the trivial
Instead it is spent on the vital:
Getting up, sitting down, eating, breathing,
I'm hugry, but I have no appetite
I am heavy, but I feel frail
I feel weak, but so strong
My mind is racing with all these numbers I am calcuating,
from weight, to calories, to ounces and grams.
Who is that lonely girl
Sitting on the corner of the street
Who is that lonely girl
Not saying a word while she eats
Who is that lonely girl
Wearing the outdated shoes
Who is that lonely girl
don't unlock that closet [she warned in a whisper]
these ghosts have never quieted
at night i hear their screams [echoing through my mind]
don't you dare unlock that door [she said]
don't you dare
I panic between doorways
I count the breaks in stairways
to rules I always adhere
and I do this out of fear
fear that I'll lose my sight
that it will punish someone dear
it was innocuous at first.
(doesn't it always start off like that?)
my lips were just a little too chapped and
it looked bad,
so i peeled off some of the old skin.
no harm done, right?
when i first met him i thought that
he would fight off my demons,
but it turns out that i just needed a friend to
have my back so that
i could save myself.
every time it touches me it
feels so real, but when it's gone
i keep doubting myself and life becomes a
game of was-it-real-was-it-not and
i'm so damn tired of second-guessing myself,
i can still hear its
voice, saccharine and cloying, telling me
you worthless girl
they'd be better off without you
you're just a burden
(a burden)
(burden)
depression is a war and catastrophe.
you fight yourself,
and even if you win you kill
something of your essence, your soul,
but there is no help because
this world is predatory and only
can you feel it choking you and
are you drowning drowning drowning because
i can't breathe the panic's
rising and
what are you supposed to do when you have
no idea what's gone wrong,
I am a goddess
I am fierceI am flawlessI am strongI am passionateI am courageousI am powerfulI am a goddess
These chains of life they hod me back,
They keep me in a spot of torture
Far from light, Far from life of others,
Far from anything but myself,
These chains, they dont belog just to anyone,
If you really knew me
you’d know i can’t pass by a mirror
without pulling up my shirt, to stare at
last night’s gallon of ice-cream
box of cereal
and bag of cookies.
you’d know i have no energy
When I used to look in the mirror, I would see
A girl who struggled, but yet was sometimes pretty.
I struggled with my relationship with my family.
Although they clothed, fed, housed, and spoiled me,
The quiet assumes
the guise of a room,
abandoned by many.
Ghosts of a family.
Once existed happily.
Outdated portraits grinning,
forgotten by the youth.
Ignorant of truth.
An unreliable narrator
She was always at a loss for words
Expression never came easy, nor was
Compassion, understanding, empathy
Love
Was not a word in her dictionary
Wounded body of Carrie-
the Cancer patient
Wounded soul of Barry-
the Bipolar patient
Bipolar disorder is a major part of my life
I cannot let certain people know
If my job knew,
They may search for a reason to fire me
I would be considered a liability
If a school I applied to knew,
It's the gaurana, the crickets,
the dust bunnies gaurding curtains, gates to a kingdom of ants on a windowsill.
It's the tangled, ragged ropes, once daisy chains
with wide, flattened faces
Beat me down
Pull my hair
A constant frown
It's so unfair
My mind is distorted
It makes me see things that aren't really there
My body is contorted
God, I wish I didn't care
he thought no one
heard him
but i did
through the wall.
it killed me
a little bit more
every day
to hear him cry.
and i wanted to tell him
that it would be okay one day,
Maybe you fall down sometimes
Maybe the voices speak up again
Maybe you get lost easily
Maybe you don’t have to have everything figured out
Maybe…
Maybe some days are harder than others
She talks to me,
She tells me things she wouldn't tell others.
Like how one day she will break free
From asylum to asylum I never seem to change,
Whether it is a shotgun to my head,
Or to that bully from fifth grade,
I am a pressure cooker full of rage.
No longer, No more,
My trust in you is gone,
Depression is an ocean
The horrible thoughts you have - the water
The fears you have - the fish
The friends you have - the other boats
“Wow, what a psycho”
Says the girl sitting next to me.
How clever she is
Laughing at the uncontrollable misfortune of others.
From having answers
to knowing none.
I thought that it was all made up
that you could control anything if you tried hard enough
I chalked it up to lack of discipline or emotions
but then it happened to me
This is what the front line is like
A line where all have stood at points in life
A trial of tears, stress and pain
Deception is an ugly site
There is some sort of delight
Prescription pills can't remove a little thing I like to call stigma.
Shifting eyes, tight throat, hiding my face as I watch the class make fun of a girl for sharing her issues about PTSD
She fights it every day.
When will it stop?
The pain. The suffering.
She starts to lose reality.
3 months of my life
I don't remember
Nuerons dying
Brain bruised
When I woke up from the sudden sleep
I had no answers
The Doctors who have dedicated their
entire
Body under blanket; sick in mind.
Coughing tears into a delicate tissue
as fragile as the aching heart,
that rests heavily between two collapsing lungs.
Filled with gasped air and racing blood,
It’s not about feeling sad
But rather a lack thereof.
Not a mind that is toil clad
But one that is naked and cold
No rain or storm dons the skies,
Just clouds that mildly cover.
All you are is wonder;
tied up in a bow wth that curling smile,
Sparked when I lean in to
hear the mumbling seeping from your lips.
You are rolling waves of stylistic happenings,
You would be the thickest chapterCited on the dedication page, tooFeatured throughout my table of contents, your name-the most proverbial word in my glossary
You never had to hit my grandmom
You probably thought your shouts were unheard
So you smacked her until your hand throbbed
You never gave her love or concern
So know, we're better without you.
People use the word "crazy" like it's a drug."Did you see that video? It was so crazy!" "That exam was crazy hard, I don't think I passed."
I hear voices
Go see the school psychologist
I am not eating anything
Go see the nurse
I am cutting myself
Go see a guidance counselor
I am pregnant
Go see Planned Parenthood
Sitting on a park benchAn amazing vantage pointSeeing the world pass by Listening carefully to every noiseHear a mother and a child, a husband and wife
All this time I was waiting for a signA time when it wouldn't hurt so muchA place where I could love myself And not retort to a blade
Deadlines
Closing in, a crouching tiger
Waiting for me to fail, say something wrong
As if I didn't hate myself enough already
"Quit making excuses, there was plenty of time for this assignment"
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pour your heart
To the stranger on the bus.
Red,
The colour you bleed
As you pace back and forth
in your bedroom
Contemplating
This is for the man on the corner of First and Dunn
with a sign that breaks hearts and makes everybody run
home to their heaters and high-tech computers
From the second we are conceived we overcome,
Not a second in life goes by where we have not overcome,
We fight out entire lives,
Behind closed doors and out in the open,
On her arm, not in pen, lady writes a phrase, not the most safe way, but with a razor blade. she feels like no one loves her, no point to be on earth, we know that it’s the opposite, but she’ll never know her worth.
Do drugs make faces lie?
Does liquor deepen the hole?
Cut once to fill it.
When mirrors break,
glue can only dull shards.
"just be happy"
is never the appropriate thing to say
to somebody who doesn't know
what happy is.
Sick severed lipsHolding my bare hips.Like Achilles heel,The emotional appeal is severed.
And though I have no brainI can't really complainOf the wonders in the skyAnd how high I can go.
Are you proud of me?
I wanted so badly, to be, what you wanted me to be.
I've tried,
I've struggled,
I've fought,
And I've stumbled.
Am I proud of where I am today?
I'm here,
Music is for the broken whose will has been abandoned and suicidal thoughts have nested.
So quick to contemplate death.
Instead a track plays to vibe with the heart and mend the mind to health.
alone
strictly practiced
discipline on cold tile
unforgiving
begin
swelling
rushing water
a raging orchestra
filling the tub
distract
I turn like an unbalanced ballerina in the face of the mirror,
Examining each curve and pudge of the body I have been drilled to hate,
And squint critically as I suck in my stomach.
Am I pretty yet?
she silently stares at the monsters under her bed
chin resting on the knees she has pulled to her chest,
eyes as empty as the rhythmic heart beating—
out of obligation—
between her ribs.
Learning acceptance of what cannot be changed,
Gaining knowledge of destruction,
Unveiling of the path which cannot be ignored,
Learning old ways which cannot be ignored,
You love him
he loves you
There's something not supporting you two.
It cuts through your love like a double-edged sword,
You were barely even warned.
You thought that love would be enough,
Your eyes never lost
the sight of my soul,
as you took my hand
from me, while you wear
my gold. My heart longs
for you, or so I'm
told. 'Cause when I woke
one day, you left me
Tears stream down my face as my mind begins to scatter
Feelings of hopelessness overwhelm my being
Depression is no longer a word, it’s a part of me
I can’t breathe
Coping mechanisms have increased
Until loads of weight are placed onto my shoulder
Relapses from what I once was
From what I once did
Internalize
what you love,
despise
desire
lose yourself, entire
yet don't dismiss
that inner tormented artist
when did we proclaim
that our dreams were unattainable?
Shattered
Destroyed, crumbling
Crumbled into pieces
Broken beyond recognition
Never to be intact again
Death is a welcome end
Sinking, wasting
Save me
