the real us

If you really knew me

you’d know i can’t pass by a mirror

without pulling up my shirt, to stare at

last night’s gallon of ice-cream

box of cereal

and bag of cookies.

you’d know i have no energy

just cuts on my hips.

10 extra pounds.

and shame disguised by bags under my eyes.

if you really knew me

you’d know I wake up for school

-my first thought-

“breakfast?”

“no. you binged last night.”

“you binge every night.”

i walk into the bathroom. look at my stomach. get in the shower.

drive to school, let everything begin again.

i become THAT girl. The one everyone knows for

her smile, her laugh

her smarts, her advice

go to those meetings and speak, miss president.

stand at the podium

be sure no one sees

your bruised ego, your shame…

the fresh cuts.

your self inflicted reminders

that soon, you may

sink under the covers of the bed you’ve made.

go home and lie in your bed of self-hate

and crumbs.

you’re crumbling.

soon, you will have to crack-

crack the mirror that controls your life

and pick up the pieces of broken glass.

you will not break any more.

if you really knew me

would you help me

sweep up the shards,

throw out the empty boxes,

change the sheets?

would you sing me a lullaby

to bring me to slumber?

sing away the stomachaches?

help me dream of sweet things,

rather than the nightmare of my life?

Would you?

maybe you would,

but maybe, i don’t really know you.

the real you

with your own restless nights.

let’s get to know each other.

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