@GLOW-UP GROW UP SCHOLARSHIP SLAM
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Small town
Same plains everyday
Simple, quiet
Did what I was told
No questions
Only had tunnel vision comprehension
Are you who you want to be right now?
Not the most perfect you ever but right now.
Are you, right now, the you that you want to be right now?
The you that you are right now
A bildungsroman,
From child to woman.
When did hide-and-go-seek
On playgrounds and
Yelling “cannon ball!”
Into meadow creaks
Become too childish?
When did asking for dollars-
My Grow Up Moment
Boy or girl my parents were torn
That is until the day I was born
Fifth grade, the last time I remember feeling normal,
The last time I remember feeling safe.
One moment I was with all my friends, playing hide and seek,
Tying my shoe:
Not something I used to do.
Flying to work:
An adulting task with cash as a perk.
The value of a dollar:
A bit of knowledge I learned to accept.
I grew up,
learning that there was more to life,
than sitting down watching sonic on saturday nights.
I grew up,
at the age of 10,
when father thought he should play pretend,
When do you grow up and what’s its result?
Better question, what decides that you’re an adult?
Some people say paying taxes, getting your license, finishing school…
…drink at the bar, be in the jury, or finally move.
I am changing
I wonder what others would like
I hear people shout my name in the halls
I see myself change to please others
I want to be myself
A lucid brisk wind overcame me as I waited on the curb of what
seemed to be a florid hospital to me at the time.
As my sister was loaded into the wheelchair days after brain surgery ,
She's going far
and i don't mean a
"two hour drive to a different city" far
i mean a
"seven hour flight across the country" far
but She chose this on her own
She's going far
and i don't mean a
"two hour drive to a different city" far
i mean a
"seven hour flight across the country" far
but She chose this on her own
No Pain, No Gain
My parents used to rush to me when I scraped my knee
When I said I had an “ouchy”
They used to worry about me
So much so that they could not sleep
Over the course of some years,
I’ve learned a lot of life lessons
that most definitely deserve some cheer!
I used to be a big pain in the rear,
Born in a family filled with art, love, imagination, and magic comes a backyard as my Wonderland,
My Neverland.
A place I called home, a Symphony of laughter and music, much music.
With food and color richer than gold.
its difficult to pinpoint the catalyst
of change, tucked neatly between the graying pages
of my childhood and adolescence
an autumn of sorts- outside colors fade dull,
bare bones exposed to harsh elements like
She sits in the dark corner, all alone. She
Is passionate without knowing how to feel.
She can see happy people with their friends while
She can't sense any love.
She smiles for those around her, and
I live on the corner of Hope Drive,Next to Sesame Street and Rainbow Road.Every morning I wake up,To the gentle envelope of my mother’s arms,the sweet sound of my father’s serenade,
I wake up.
Emotionless.
I lay in bed, begging the mattress to swallow me up.
It would be so much easier to just disappear I think.
In innocence, choose one.
Hopscotch or jump rope? Cookies or brownies?
Drums or violin? Ballet or gymnastics?
IPod or Nintendo DS?
Pick! Pick!
find myself lying in bed
thinking of the future ahead
looking at the stars above
wishing to be a kid again
high expectations given to me
feeling like royalty
minus the riches, glory and fame
find myself lying in bed
thinking of the future ahead
looking at the stars above
wishing to be a kid again
high expectations given to me
feeling like royalty
minus the riches, glory and fame
The clock is ticking,
Echoing, both fast and slow.
Each tick adding palpable nerves to the room.
Suffocated by the smell of soap and bleach,
I twiddle my fingers, scratch my neck, bite my lip, and wait.
Growing up is about the obvious.
It’s about putting on makeup and wearing lower cut shirts.
It’s about going out without mom and dad’s permission,
Staying out late and feeling free.
What I believed was fun,
Was in reality, a reputation killer.
My good morals I would abandon,
to act like I was younger.
For I was unloyal in all of my relationships,
I've grown up
I was never sure enough,
whether or not the experiences I trudged through were triumphs
or screw ups.
The day he walked in, snuck up on me
There comes a time when you realize
that time just loves to fly
When apple juice becomes beer
When first jobs become careers
When bikes turn into cars
And when lollipops turn into cigars
Six, seven, eight, nine,
Growing up I would find
an interest in writing my own stories.
And those stories,
cheap imitations of novels I had read,
featured characters unlike me.
When the girls can no longer wear shorts
Or bras with too much supports
Because the men will try their luck
And yell rude words from their trucks
As a kid I adored everything Disney.
The Princesses especially, like one red haired mermaid Ariel.
I still remember screaming as I saw the sign
And overjoyed at the sight of my favorite princess.
from the beginning, there were bright eyes
shirley temple dark oil curls,
lips snow white would be envious of,
the fair skin to match and rosy rosy cheeks.
what a pretty little girl, they often asked
Add a carrot nose
and two acorn eyes
Maybe a scarf too
My six-year-old self thought at the time
Name him Billy
My snowy creation
He might be small and silly
All my life I've been told "grow up."
But what does that mean?
Is it when you rely on yourself solely?
No family, no friends?
Is it when they stop calling you a cry baby?
The careless imagination of childhood
Billows in the airy breeze from my window;
The clock strikes, marking a new era of nuanced maturity,
Yet, the soft, nostalgic scent of the air
As a child, your parents shape your mind
As I age, I have my own beliefs to find
Being my own person, aside from my family
May create tension that is utterly ugly
But growing up means making tough choices
To my Mother:
Remember the New Years Eve fight around cocktail shrimp and southern fried catfish?
I told you, 'You abandoned me when I was Eight"
It's true I was wild but you gave up on me
Grown-ups aren't as old as they seem
I know people who are older yet still younger than me
Regardless of age, grown-ups are mentally dry
Many will claim that they're not that kind of guy
Grown-ups aren't as old as they seem
I know people who are older yet still younger than me
Regardless of age, grown-ups are mentally dry
Many will claim that they're not that kind of guy
Beliefs of masculinity
Filled my head;
Drowned my creativity
And left me for dead.
Fueled by tradition,
It was society’s mission
To restrict my expression;
And keep me misled.
I met him at thirteen years old
He's my soul mate, I thought
He would be my husband in five years
When I would be old enough for our relationship to be legal
He was five years older and I still loved him
I wish I was older. The common thought of a kid.
Kids are always waiting for tomorrow, for the future.
Kids think that they have a whole life in front of them. That people die when they are old.
I thought the same way.
Smart girl, smart girl how did you end up like this?
I did not have a voice, I did not have a choice
Smart girl, smart girl how did you end up like this?
A switch didn’t flip,
the impact wasn’t sudden.
Yet the change felt
just as jarring.
One day, responsible free,
the next, my brown head of hair
When I was little,I went out to play as if nothing mattered.When I was volunteering,I went out to do my job as if every step mattered.When I was little,
I am from fighting and late-night yelling
from “sorry, I’m leaving” and “I still love you”
from pain, sadness, and joy
from hardship, trials, and triumph
Like That
Just Like That
I'm Driving My Brother and Sister To School?
Then Going To Work?
Buying My Own Gas? Man It Happened LIKE THAT!
I grew up when I moved to the desert
400 people
"Nothing to do"
Living alone
for the first time
Busying myself
Learning to neighbor
This is my college education
To depend on myself
We learn the most from choices made in fire
The Bible Belt taught me my choice was made
To love a girl and settle down, required
Who’d choose to unravel that hand, already played.
We all grow up, but we don't all glow up.
Some of us just need to take responsibility and show up.
Helping others by learning about the injustices, we get woke up.
It was in my first month of being twenty years old that I watched The Little Prince for the first time
I never knew what it meant to worry for my heart until I finished the movie
I let them tell me they were broken,
and that my wings were never there.
I lost my creative spirit,
and slowly, I began not to care.
I listened to the voices,
Birth
Overwhelming and unremembered
Completely dependent and not yet aware
of all that my new life now required
So much potential
in a body so small
So much to do
and so many ways to fail
Two children were born
Neglected and alone.
Till the age of two
When you took us home.
Battles were fought
And habits were changed.
The world in your hands
Everything was given
You learned abundance and beauty
And that all would be forgiven
Positive mind,Positive outcome.The key to life is where you’re pleased,Never doubt yourself,Because you can achieve more than what you think.Never settle for less,Never give in to stress.
Boys and Girls she had. Many of them gathered round.
Love she spoke, yet love we didn't feel. Love we didn't see.
I used to sit at
home, breathing all alone then
one day i changed, it
was never the same.
I realized I was closed to
the world that always
shows, the many ways
“Can you buy me this, can you buy me that”,
Is what I remember telling my mom and dad.
Money is not an issue you face when you are young,
Until I went off to college is when it all begun.
To all the mermaids
at the ocean floor
in corral cities
still living with their parents, haunted
Dear birth, you are a mere 19 years away but still unseeable.
The only moment where I was able to be anything I could imagine.
Gosh, I can only imagine how beautiful I was when I first bloomed.
My friend calls and asks my mom if I can play
"Please, please mom, what do you say?"
"Yes, as long as you play outside"
"I cannot wait", I yell with my eyes wide
I remember always holding on to everything.
I remember holding onto my dad.
I remember holding onto my first boyfriend even when he begged me to let go.
I remember holding onto a friend that wouldn't text back.
She was chained by the prejudice surrounding her, ignorance being her saving grace
This little girl, of age five, was stripped of her innocence
I bounded down the stairs devoid of a single care.
School was out and it was time to have fun.
I peaked out the window to see pairs of girls with flowing hair
and kids like me soaking up the sun.
When I was seven I thought the worst thing in my world
was not that my parents fought and my mother hit.
It was that my older sister was kicked out of the white deli
she was doing a project on Poland
"You're getting taller. You're getting stronger,"
these were the words that I heard
"You're getting better. You're getting smarter,"
rest assured they swarmed my thoughts like birds
Sizzle, pop, sizzle, sizzle,
The butter in the pan,
Cooking the bread to a perfect golden brown,
While the cheese melts slowly
I flip with a smile,
Small, weak, and chubby. Man I couldn’t wait to grow up
But little did I know, god had a plan for my glow-up.
Tall, strong, and fit is all I wanted to be
I tried every solution but all it took was being Me.
I've always known I was different from the other kids
Yes, I still played with them but I felt disconnected
As I grew, I knew God put me on this beautiful earth for a reason
I've always known i was different from the other kids
Yes, I still played with them but I felt disconnected
As I grew I knew God put me on this beautiful earth for a reason
Someone told me the other day
That they appreciated me, found me nice
And to this I didn’t know what to say
I’m sure I said something soft and concise
Growing Up And Learning Much
My glow-up stage was built on ignorance and fabrication.
I was rebellious and in class lacked concentration.
My glow-up came at a cost;
this jambalaya has been filet mignon in the hood
but they serve theirs with red wine sauce
while they serve yours with blood
the jollof from our funerals tastes so good-
I sit, wondering who is watching me.
I know they must see my every mistake.
How is it this is all my life can be ?
I don’t know how much more stress I can take.
A Sleepover Invitation
Where we planned to stay up all night
But the air was cold so we got in bed
A lot of us kids nowadays like to throw around the phrase "glowing up"
Like, 'Robert used to be so dorky and prone to eczema, but now he's so athletic and prone to touchdowns. He sure glowed up!'
Before we started dating you told me my smile was perfect, crooked teeth and all. Yet later on you told me my smile was my biggest flaw.
sweet girl
you know your father
loves you and your mother
adores your rosy cheeks.
but oh sweet, sweet girl
you are so young.
the world has not yet
made herself known to you.
The hot granules of sand on my feet; its shape every changing betwixt my toes.This is the meaning of childhood. The bubbly sound of laughter, delighted screams ring about my eardrums. This is the meaning of childhood.
When I was young,
even in college when I thought I wasn't,
it was easy to go home -
back to my bedroom,
back to my bed,
back to my childhood friends.
One day,
on my way home,
When I was little,
I called my father’s playlist “The Jukebox”,
packed with thousands of songs
I identified solely by their sounds.
Things can change very quickly
Sometimes in the span of one minute
I came home from school and saw you sitting with our grandma
The both of you looked at me and I knew that was it
It's a shame I understood it so deep into the Game.
I realize that they were shocked by not getting what they desired,
but the difference between them and me was too significant.
I have Black Girl Magic running through my veins,
It’s a type of magic that can’t be contained,
It’s a crown that’s on my head,
It’s a crown that I wear every day, even to bed,
You see,
There was a time when I was so quiet
The silence it came from the fear of a riot
Occuring so fast and caused by my blast
Of words I couldn't contain
For if they remained
Inside me the same
I sat down and thought, "When did I become me?"
"When did I stop trying so hard?" "When was able to just be?"
Because growing up is hard, that's a lesson I've had to learn,
I sat down and thought, "When did I become me?"
"When did I stop trying so hard?" "When was able to just be?"
Because growing up is hard, that's a lesson I've had to learn,
Sophomore year, a new school
new classmates to impress, I have to make myself seem cool.
A fresh new beginning, the limit is the sky
When I was standing on my living room couch
Tears blocking the sight of my grandparents
Worries etched into their wrinkles and dark eyes
When the TV played its usual 7:30 cartoon
Growing up is never easy
Inocence keeps on breaking
Using school to stay busy
But internally Im shaking
The world feels darker
So I put on a mask as my armor
But as I get older
The phone ringing at 4am
my mother on the other line
"it's all gone, the house, everything" she tells me
every piece of furniture, every memory
She was asleep and would have continued to sleep
I never realized
I never thought
I never knew
Until the day I did
The day I grew up
everything changed
The day I realized I grew up was at a lock-in
A group of us where playing cards
I was kissed by a goddess today.
Uncertainty grew restless as it paced across my heart.
So I recognized my worth and I spoke of my doubts.
If only I had known
I remember you well, my Childhood friend.
We played, danced, and sung together.
We were hardly ever apart.
I knew everything about you,
You knew everything about me.
Young and innocent, there I stood,
As tall and proud as I possibly could.
The darkness outside began to seep in,
Mother knew that my path as a warrior had to begin.
She knew my path would have no ease
Politics were always a bore. But when I started to like learning about politics, I realized I was not a kid anymore. Learning about politics has not only increased my awareness, but also made me less careless.
A much older boyfriend
A heart full of sorrow
No idea I would be better tomorrow
A broken heart teaches you a lot
Not all relationships will last
That's why ours is now in the past
A much older ex
Life as I knew
Growing up in Philly
All this crime was all but silly
Dad was never there
Nor was he anywhere
But mommy was in sight
She made my world so bright
As a kid I didn’t know
When I realized our Mother is warming
When I saw the polar bears on National Geographic dying
When a man in glasses at the U.N. said time's running low
The first time she chose another side
she lost my trust
she lost value
she lost love
she lost the right to know me
This was the year I chose myself over others
College
That’s when it hit me
I left my moms house and now it hit me
Ma can’t fix my bad grade
I can’t make this bill fade
I have to do this on my own
and that’s when I realized
remember how it feltto learn that everything you worked for was finally right in front of you?
remember how it felt to learn that your graduation will come early?
I remember the day I grew up
It happened way too early, and way too harshly
It wasn’t when I was sixteen when I got my first car and paid my first bill
FREE!
Like a butterfly,
Flying past a swarm of bees,
A field of flowers was all I would see,
Others laughter howling louder than the wind,
The many scrapes and brusies painting dark against my skin,
Growing Up.
Rooming away from home,
On my own for the first time,
Wondering "What I need to do?"
I start making friends,
I never really went out
Stuck in Northridge
Stuck at Home
I couldn't go out
When I moved
For the first time
Nothing much changed
The second time neither
Nor the the third
I remember the house on Sycamore.
How it sat in the corner of the cul de sac,
taking up as much space as the four bedroom,
three and a half bath
room house could take up on that dead
end road.
Who's childhood is that? I think I know.
It's owner is quite sad though.
It really is a tale of sorrow.
I watch her frown, I cry hello.
She now has bills to upkeep,
Until then she'll lack of sleep.
When I was a little girl, about the age of five,
I had irrelevant thoughts that sent my brain into overdrive.
What should I do? What will my dolly wear?
Hey, can you play with me? Where’s my favorite bear?
Everything within in me is of myself the world i view
the things I feel and touch
the things I admire the things I desire are only
the few things that keep me up to see the sunrise everyday
I see myself walking in a line behind several people.
In the distance I see a stage,
Looking around I see a crowd of blurry faces,
My feet feel heavy like cinder blocks.
I continue to drag on.
Where are the pleasant disruptions?
The ground shaking thumping of footsteps upstairs
The harsh noise of fighting cats
The rhythmic knocking on the door daily
This is a mistake
This must be a mistake
People live drowning in useless dandelions
The entirety of everything in the universe is wrong
Alfred Jackson
Growing up
I’m growing up now,
Same head size,
Longer body,
Increased need for help.
Both a child as well as man,
Both occupy a being just the same,
However only one of them will last,
To hold a title, to hold a name.
It was 1921 when women stood strong
They held their heads high
To fight against past wrongs
Those brave heroes paved way for today
Allowing young girls the chance
I was from daily family dinner.
Watching movies on the couch.
Three parents,
Who loved me dearly.
Born from craddling arms and tender kisses,
love sprang to life.
And by way of rigid rules and confinment to rooms,
the rebel girl was tamed. Despite
their heart's affections,
my parents governed sternly.
The Language of Lungs
It is gruesome and tough and it sputters on the treacherous designs my young mind swallowed down in dangerous quantities, at only six attempting to comprehend dying.
The stars are bright tonight
And they’ve always seemed pretty
(To me, at least)
So I don’t understand
(Yet I love the time)
When the lights go out
A hard wood high chair was where I sat
It is uncomfortable now but not at the age I was at
I looked around the room and saw many people eating
It was another Saturday night and we were having a family meeting
Shields polished, swords at the ready,
Charging forward with all your might;
Traversing newfound fields unsteady,
Victory within your sights
Soldiers slain, injured, harmed,
Society seems to think it necessary
But what is this garment?
Mother says I have become a woman
My childhood is under bombardment.
In high school
You are rewarded freedom
With your license
An adult now
Everyone desired that freedom
Practicing with my mom
I was free when I was young
Everything made me happy
I had no obligations
and then I got older
and I was criticized
and judged
and told my dreams weren't the right dreams
I felt it in the wind knotting my hair.
I felt it as my eyes squinted to the sun.
I felt it as the radio played
And the air blew on my face.
I was in control
Of life, fate, and death.
When I was a child I tried to live in a dome,
I couldn’t fathom the convoluted questions of life,
I placed myself inside a pretty pink bubble,
Where only happiness, peace, and butterflies live,
It’s a new year
highschool fear
My hormones are shooting up in the air
I’m on a different swagger
My hips are much bigger
I’m looking like a snicker
Doing things on my own
My RAGE, with the degrees of a thousand Hiroshimas,
ERUPTS!
reverberates,
reverberates,
reverberates,
up and down the chords of my body.
Strummed by the unwarranted jab from
kid.
I am a girl
You are my solitude
The world is unconquerable, nearly impossible
The word is a place of unfairness and restraints
You are my safety, where are you?
I am bewildered and young
