depression

[ dih-presh-uh n ]

— noun

1. staring out my bedroom window for hours on end as the world passes me by, people walking and laughing and feeling and i am stuck sitting on the floor while the carpet scratches my legs trying to get the motivation to go outside but i’m just so tired oh my god

2. black ink bleeding into every good thought, today was a good day but you’re worthless so does it even matter? sick of fighting the voices, laying my weapons down and succumbing to the darkness because i am just so tired of trying to escape this

3. climbing on top of the highest roof i can find and swinging my legs over the edge and getting my nerve up enough to jump, no one will miss you everyone hates you just do it just end it just give yourself peace

4. crawling into the corner and closing my eyes and not talking or eating or showering or thinking, barely breathing, barely alive, i don’t enjoy anything anymore, nothing makes me happy and i just want to lay here until i die, won’t you leave me alone so i can just die already?

5. realizing i’m not a child anymore and that this word stole years of my life from me, took away fourteen and fifteen and sixteen and seventeen and eighteen, stole smiles and laughter and late nights with friends that i can never get back. where was i? where was i?