Sophomore year, a new school
new classmates to impress, I have to make myself seem cool.
A fresh new beginning, the limit is the sky
there's really no reason for it, but I stay up at night and cry.
I lack motivation, and I disappoint my parents
I never say anything because my problems seem transparent.
I missed 48 days
fourty eight days!
But I didn't care about attendance, and certainly not my grades.
I persevered through the year, made it to the next grade
but if I wanted to graduate some changes needed to be made.
Things at home started to derail
I didn't know how I was going to prevail.
I was drowning in my thoughts nightly, things were weighing on my mind
"Your mom and dad are on drugs" surely wasn't what I visualized.
17 years old, I had to grow the hell up
and there was nothing I can do, because it was all so abrupt.
Everything overwhelms me, and I get mad sometimes for no reason
when winter comes around it’s easy to blame it on the season.
but how do you explain a teenage girl crying all summer because her heart has been broken by her daddy and her momma?
Everybody is in my ear telling me that I need therapy, I need help they all say
so fine, take me to the therapist, it won't take the problems away
Now I'm a senior. graduations coming soon
everyone's excited, but I'm about to face my doom.
How can I pay for college with no support from my parents?
Why did this happen to me of all people, I don't understand it.
I bit off all my nails again, incase you were wondering
not because I wanted to, but it's better than suffering
I talk about my problems to my friends and my teachers
"anxiety sucks" they say...
Yeah, anxiety sucks everything out of me until I feel,
I'm surrounded by people but my anxiety tells me they hate me
I get a new boyfriend, but why does he date me?
My anxiety says I don't deserve love, that i'm stupid and useless
stupid and useless, yes, that's what I am
I hide away in my bedroom, I stay away from the fam.
To my anxiety there is no fix, there's no breaking if off
It's like a puzzle that you always think you're almost finished with, but it will never be solved.
There's no cure to my mess, no stopping my stress
but if there's one thing I know, it's that I'm trying my best.
That's all I can do, there's really no more,
look out world, i'm coming,
I'm one foot out the door...