illness
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Drowning in a crippling sensation of hell,
hoping for the toll of the bell,
for that means infinite rest…
If only.
The stabbing pain on the side,
desperately attempting to hide,
It flows through your veins like a water moccasin gliding through the water, exploring every finger, every toe, every hair on your head; until it takes its fatal bite into the center of your heart.
He brings joy to me,
his laugh makes my heart smile,
his eyes, like the sea.
Endless charm is his style,
and he is my willow tree.
Everyone is worried more and more
A deadly virus is on the loose
It has invaded the USA from shore to shore
Millions of germ cells have been introduced
Social distancing is a new concept
I cling to the underbelly
of society's fringe
clinging like a baby possum
at its mama's
soft fur.
And I'm floundering
among El Chuco's
citizenry
clutching at crumbs
sifting through dregs
We talk about the time before and we live in the time after
but there is not much that grows there anymore
Because nothing ever grew, but sometimes
We talk about the time before and we live in the time after
but there is not much that grows there anymore
Because nothing ever grew, but sometimes
Outside,
The sky is overcast and gray.
Beautiful.
It looks as if it is about to rain,
Gorgeous fat drops falling,
A rhythm that beats the same pattern as my heart.
if five minutes where dem
last five minutes of my life
if i died
in five minutes
i would
kiss my kid
hold on to my wife i'd
call my mom
forever
forever
There are things that mentally ill is, and there are things it most definitely is not.
Something it’s not is when middle school boys post bart simpson edits to songs by X.
No One’s Coming
I wish that time would stop again.
Lying still in perfect darkness, bundled up in illness and discomfort.
I think I was eleven. No, I was ten, but it was eleven weeks before my eleventh birthday.
Imagine this for a second-
At ten years old you are given a choice, shoot yourself up with drugs or die.
Your eyes were like a tired sunset,Shining with a soft amber light,Seeing the beauty in even the ugliest of things.
A good day
Joy laden all the way
Tainted only by the decay
Of my feeble body
Such a minute piece of my being
I found her sorrow in the
purple and blue lightning bolts under her
eyelids.
I found her courage in the
hollow irises deep inside her
eyes.
I found her stress in the
Through the words flowing from this pen,
almost seamlessly it feels,
I have discovered what lies in the deepest corners of my mind,
things I never imagined I could touch.
People have always told me,
You broke my trust
Now you've lost me
I won't come back
I won't call
I tried
And you lost me
We won't talk
We won't be friends
You won't be anything to me
You lost me
Again I lay in bed,
searching for a distraction
to block the dark thoughts stuffed tightly
in the back of my head,
for I am afraid to rest in my own mind.
--Far Away Fallouts (c.p.)
Dear Rebecca,
You weren’t yourself the last time I saw you.
If you could read this now, I think you would agree.
To be fair, I don’t think I was truly myself either.
Dear Illness,
You are inhuman.
Quite a sadistic mistress,
Despair that’s alive.
I possess strength, though.
Years of watching you hurt him
Have made me grow up.
Dear Doctor,
Since day 23 of the pain, my body has been new land.
You have colonized me, in every way known to man,
Have you ever felt like you can’t get out of bed? You feel you literally cannot get dressed? Like you have no energy to pick up a fork? Or put on a shirt? No interest or ability to concentrate on anything?
in autumn i think of you.
the way a leaf browns,
curls up, and floats along wind,
rustle becoming tremor becoming fall—
Depression depression you bring me down you make me sad you make me drown.
Drowned in emotions so deep so dark, they melt my soul they break my heart.
The cuts, the burns, the tears feel great.
My biggest fear
Is to one day never see someone again
And to never know what ever happened to them
Whether they remember me
If they ever became the person they dreamed
If they decided to pack up and move
Grief whether it be the loss of a loved one, loss of an opportunity, or loss of ones old self
Is a nasty virus that effects can be worse then the spread of HIV or Zika
I sat up at night thinking what I needed
Thinking about what I had lost, thinking about if I was lost
Night sweats, Night terrors, Nights up, all night I was up, all fucking night
It seems as though the world is different,
It seems as though its not the same.
The life I know is gone and passed,
and now there is only pain.
The trees which used to bloom are leaf-less,
Coughing up and regurgitating blood,
I hoped it was all but a dream.
The scintillating lights above me seemed to fade.
I was not alone; at my bedside stood a distinct, unfamilar shade.
I never really understood life
This constant process looking for a drive
Not taking in what was achieved
But looking at the future and old please
I learned that life is a game
Some people more constrained
As much as I wish I could be UNstoppable
There’s no way that could ever happen
Because my immune system is my obstacle
You want me to have perfect attendance?
My neighbor's wife is battling cancer and she needs your prayers.Please show her that you want her to get better please show that you care.Her name is Jane Webb and she's undergoing chemotherapy.
Through tears,
Through the months,
Through the pain,
I wait.
Many feel sorry,
Many stare,
Many judge,
But they don't get me.
Pain is a hurdle,
Pain is a challenge,
It's labored breathing and breaking heartsIt's not know where tostart with goodbyesIt's teardrops and achy chestsIt's losing the only reasonyou had left.It's sick daysand sick leaves
When the sick man began to submit,
Those around him began to realize,
But Mother said to be compassionate.
It started with an argument.
In my eyes he was penalized.
When the sick man began to submit.
She sat cross-legged on the ground, a little girl at her father’s feet.
He had to leave. So she walked him to the door
And locked it behind him.
Up the stairs she flew, barging down the hallway and into her room.
My teeth are yellow
My feet are green
What an interesting sight to be seen
My toes are black
My hands are white
I hope I can still fly a kite
They come in at night when all is still
they scrape away and run and steal
my happiness and pleasure
They see it as their treasure.
Down, down, down they go into the hole
where time stops and no body knows
even the wildest of us, craving freedom, has broken
alone, the sleepless nights pass so tediously
A rather dim lit view
A dim lit view of a place I once knew
A place which is capable of feeding my joy
A joy that some call an oddity
As my cheeks begin to secede
Have you ever thought about the possibility that one day the Earth will have no more food?
She speaks in tongues
But you understand her ramblings
No matter what
Because she's all you know.
She moves in sync
With your breaths
And broken steps because
She follows you always.
The cuts got deeper
The blades got sharper
The lights got darker
The voices got quieter
The world got away
Searching for the right thing to say
To somehow make your pain go away
There’s not much that I can do
So I’ll just be here for you
You don’t deserve this
You went in hoping to come right out
Only things didnt go as planned
Now I'm sitting here missing you
Wishing I was holding your hand.
How long will you like this
I'm waiting for the day, you return
Do you ever feel like you are made of glass—
Ever trying to reflect the sumptuous nature of the light
Scratched but not yet broken
On the brink of shattering into far too many pieces to reconstruct you
My 87 grandmother has been through a lot.
She’s had five different cancers,
Multiple tumors, intestine troubles, and a stroke.
She lost all control of her body, time after time.
But she never gave up.
I am suffering from a black plague,
Though the symptoms are very vague.
My air comes in rattled breaths,
A squeezing constriction in my breast.
My stomach feels heavy and contorted,
There's too much pain
and too much sorrow,
too much suffering here.
It's undeserved, all this hurt
I wish there was some solution.
The rain doesn't help at all,
Who told us that life would be so hard
Our past haunting us,
The future looming ahead,
We struggle to enjoy and succeed in the present.
I have given up the hope for my life to be perfect
This is what the front line is like
A line where all have stood at points in life
A trial of tears, stress and pain
Deception is an ugly site
There is some sort of delight
It starts with a chuckle,
And ends in a cough.
The disease has now gone,
Started- it’s taken off.
Eyes cast toward the windowUnseeingPretending to gaze outward, downwardAt patchwork buildings and trafficUnheard through hospital wallsYet you remember the soundLike the blood rushing through your ears
Author's note: While Power Poetry covers a multitude of causes, I've noticed that there are two in particular that are largely avoided--elder care and death.
Never would you have met such a violent twelve-year-oldnearly threatening to punch an orderly who told her,patronizingly, that her seizing father should wait in the roomfor there to be space. My mother chose that moment
It came upon me like a shadow
and the whispers that followed said,
"Delirium -- thank God." Thank God:
it was only delirium. No;
it wasn't.
It was the music –
Voices and ventilators echo,
Through suffocating hallways,
As I walk in a long beige coat,
My hair a shoddy bun.
Skin transparent,
Veins blue,
Blood burning,
Clawing to my center,
If her body temp's over one hundred degrees,
she can stay home from class, get out of jail free.
Got her wisdom teeth out? She'll pop some pills,
she has an excuse, and no one doubts she's ill
Treatment
Bleed it out
Like a snake bite,
The venom that roils and riles
In my blood
That rages and boils
Bleed it out,
Run 'till my feet
Tickle with flames.
Search for strength,
I will not begin with,
“Once Upon a Time,”
To paint this as a fairytale,
Would be a sin, a crime,
Nay, this is a story,
Tried and true,
New and old,
Borrowed and blue,
If I could
but for one moment
keep at bay
the pain, the suffering, the sorrow
If I could
but for one moment
Still the tempest
Bring back the blush
of life
into the cold pale faces
Illness infection disease
Look at the change you've brought me
From eating to sleeping
From walking to running
From cleaning to working
From sports to school
My disease my illness it has changed me
Grandpa,
Is that you?
No, the wind is just angry.
Grandpa, yesterday I thought about you.
I remember the walk we took one night.
Where is the pain?
It’s here inside -
Buried within my heart;
Raw and worn
In crippled form,
No pulse it needs
To start.
I need this suppressed pain,
For what is life
You've hurt me so much.
But seeing you like this hurts.
After all,
you are my mother.
It’s hard seeing you scared of yourself.
It’s hard seeing you have bad dreams.
In a world full of pain and fear she finds peace
In a world full of darkness and cold she finds light and warmth
In a world full of despair she finds faith
She knows not of the life outside this dark room
Tired
Always, Constantly
Never Endingly
Tired
Lying awake
Tossing and turning
Head dropping lower and lower in class
I sit in a white room
It has a sterile fume
Everything is without color
Including myself, who by the minute feels smaller.
However, as if to spite
Something interrupts the white
A bucket containing blood
Grandpa’
Curled up around your wrinkled flesh I was
when you were nearly in a comatose.
I’m not certain if you ever listened,
but our whimsical memories; I tried to recall.
Medication.
Fix me.
Take away my humanity.
One emotion, I don't want depth.
I only want what I can help.
Help me rid of sorrow and tears
So nothing but happy will last these years
The days are coming to a close,
The end is finally near,
The memories are overflowing
With the loves I once held dear;
Goodbye crawls slowly closer
And I take a moment to look back;
