Prescription Cocktails aren't for Everyone

I sat up at night thinking what I needed

Thinking about what I had lost, thinking about if I was lost

Night sweats, Night terrors, Nights up, all night I was up, all fucking night

 

Sun rises I forgot the night

I was up all night, the night went, and I was down all day

Thinking about if I was lost, or if I had lost something

Pain crept up my back, down my arms, my fingers were numb and I thought about if this is all I had lost

The feelings were lost, my feelings were lost, or was I just lost

 

I was up all day and night thinking about the things I had lost or if I was lost

Neurotransmitters might not be working I was told, is this what I had lost?

I had not lost, but I had gained a lot

I had gained physical pain, I had gained the lack of emotional pain, I had gained the ability to be awake while my brain was asleep

 

Prescription, after prescription after prescription

My doctor thought about the things I had lost, Or if I was just lost

Pain, No pain, inability to function 

Or disability 

 

Prescription cocktails kept me found, they say

I was not lost, nor had I gained anything with these drugs

New drugs, legal drugs, illegal drugs

“Medication is good, medication will help me with the things I have lost, or find me if I am lost”

 

Cocktails kept me going

Vodka, Sprite, Prozac, Xanax, Coke

What is the difference when the drug you take is prescribed by an M.D or prescribed by M.E

Why are prescriptions considered a treatment when I am still lost or still trying to figure out if I am lost

Why does it seem like my prescription was prescribed to fight yours

 

I'm up at night wondering if I’m lost or what I have lost

Another M. Fucking.D tells M.E to get off the prescription cocktail because It is killing me

I throw the cocktail down the toilet

 

MD was fucking killing ME, MD assumed I have suffered lost when I was just lost

 

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This poem is about: 
Me

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