shame
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My relationship with my mother
Has been a series of trust falls
And she's never once caught me
.
But I keep leaning backwards
And hating myself
When I inevitably hit the ground
.
They call me a slut
They call me a slut because I sleep around I guess that’s what they call it
They call me a slut because I am good at making men feel good
I am good at making men feel good because it makes me feel good.
You’d think I'd be over it by now.
I forgave him so long ago.
But how do I forgive myself?
How do I move on, when I can’t.
All my life I’ve been around
Niggas who think they can take something
From me
My skin
Rips at the sight of them
Their teeth
Blamed for the bottle
I'll never forget.
Blamed for the abuse
Hovering over me, reeking of the stench
Pouring out drunk love
At any moment it felt like this could be it.
All I could do was sit and listen.
If I had the strength to make it through another day,
Maybe I would.
But today I'm too weak to even cry.
Trust me, I've tried.
If I had the hope that life might improve,
Maybe I'd pray.
I wonder if you're ashamed of a life almost wasted.
Strung up and hung up on the drinks you never tasted.
Wondering if all the eyes looking at you even care.
Do they even know if there's a soul left in there?
Im too far into my own feelings to see how ridiculous I'm being.
Im too selfish and angry to be happy for another person
I'm too hurt and still mourning over the death of us, because you don't care to learn what makes me ME
What Would YOU DO ... !?!
If You Were Left To DIE ...
By Those Who CLAIM To ... "CHERISH Your Life" ... ?!?
What Would YOU DO To Stay ALIVE ... !?!
I betrayed myself
During my younger days,
And opened myself up to shame,
I betrayed myself
During my younger days,
Over and over again,
And there are times
That knowing what I did
Cadbury eggs at 1 AM
How much lower could you be?
I know that it does not mean much
But it could be two or three?
Besides don’t I deserve this?
For waking up before it was 2
Can I ask why are you staring?
Could it be perhaps my size?
Or is it cause I’ve got these planets swirling in my eyes?
Looking in the mirror, nine years old,
Almond eyes blink.
And I hate them, wishing they were bigger.
Shiny dark hair, smooth honey skin
In a world full of blonde curls and blue eyes.
How could i have been assaulted again?
I must have asked for it
I was leading him on anyway
He’s fucking up to prove he has a conscience
went to the hardware store
next day
got himself a door built
so when fists come a knocking
he’ll now know better to let in guilt
guest of honor
To make up for deficiencies
Lacking or discrepancies
To fix or make anew
What's broke and disagrees with you.
"But I haven't sinned!"
I hear you cry
"It went that way alone, awry!"
It's simply futile treading cold water
Rising past my green ankles
O how its barbarous teeth bite and sting!
My toes are engulfed by sea's spiteful jaws
Veins pierced by blind eyes;
"how much is too much"
i ask my mirror
whilst i cake on the makeup
too light for my skin
they dont want me because
i dont look like them
i am the alien with
my brown skin and
live in the moment and have some fun
you're blind, you're naive, you never listen
get crazy and wild; worry when you're done
mind's empty, heart's dull, but your soul glistens
It’s the devil in DISGUISE,
When you look into its eyes,
You become mesmerized.
An eater of souls and a dark cloud above,
At one point you thought it was LOVE.
You’d give up your LIFE just to have a TASTE.
my past defines me, i am, the girl he keeps from his friends, a secret, not good enough, unheard
Tears set in blood on a child's face,
A child betrayed by older men,
Dissolve with a blush of embarrassed shame,
As five long years of silence begin.
Confused hands tremble in a disoriented state,
Dear Dad,
My life was mine until that July,
it was to be my birthday soon.
You grabbed my face and looked me in the eye
told me you loved me without realizing that was goodbye.
Slipped down your throat
until you lose the feeling in your toes
and the tingle can be felt at the back of your head
The last Valentines Day was the worst
until you met him
and now the worst comes this year
Sometimes I wanna say what I think I should have saidand sometimes I keep things all in my headmy mouth closedneedle and threada zipper acrossmy lips of red
To the boy on the bus,
with the thick brown hoodie and the old running shoes and the wireframed glasses
and the ripped jeans that started at the knees
when you bought them
but strecthed to your lower thigh.
Bitter Sweet Exhaustion
I wish I would have known
I wish I would have known
That beauty is a just shapeshifter that turns into the nightmare shown
Frozen hands on the face
Echoing, echoing
Killing me without a trace
The silence, loud in my ear
What then, oh my, oh dear, oh dear
That’s it, I’m done, life’s not worth living
I've fallen into the mirror again
Eyes on me, but where have mine been
Escape this version I try to explain
Lost within the thoughts in my brain
Anticipating the end of my rope
Do you ever wanna cry but the tears won't come?For the fear, and the shame, and whats been done.Do you ever wanna cry but the tears are drowned?All you left with is an angry frown.
You were the gold standard
I wished I could be
Maybe then I would've stayed out of trouble
And a little less me
maybe then when my name was called
It would not have been to be berated
Staring at this screen,
Cracked. Broken. Barely working.
This is love.
This feeling of emptiness,
my finger, a heavy brick on one word: send,
this is love.
This vacant lot of self-respect,
I am beyond tired of people
Shaming the mentally ill.
This day in which we live
Tells us that if we are sad
Than it is not as bad as we think.
That we need to pull up our pants
and grow up
I was a little brat.
I threw tantrums.
I hit, bit, and scratched.
I didn't care about others.
I only thought about myself.
I loved myself.
I am alone.
I isolate myself.
All the feelings I have choked down have finally ignited in my stomach. All the words I cannot say (as they are not “acceptable”) have given over to acidity, and begun to boil in my belly.
At parties,
I will do some freaky dances
with calories
cus I’m like nutella
dark, chocolate,
and nutty.
Yeah,
I’m not one to hide my love of food,
in front of you, I’ll demolish a
don't flatter yourself darling
they never loved you
they never even
loved the idea
of you
they loved the fact that you're
both easy and a challenge
you're just running
I should've noticed that you never actually cared.
Shame on me.
I should have seen that you hated everyone around you, including myself.
Shame on me.
my fault is another's laughter.my soul begins to sink as my red faceinks in myembarrassment.the smile i've putthere is convincing,but it's a show.under the apathyi'm blinking
We all get offeneded
This is due to wounds that were never fully mended
There is no such place on Earth where something cannot hurt us
So why do we continue to fuss
My heart longs for those who are hurt
forced and false
fake will fall
you must be real
to withstand at all
because smiles won't get you through hard times
but peace and prayer through this upward climb
stand in line
My transition into adulthood has been accompanied by a series of mistakes. I’ve failed friends in their time of need; felt the regret a little too late. I’ve sacrificed my own self worth in trade for boys handing out limitless heartaches. I’ve ind
The King of Shadows
Was broken in battle
When a man stepped up
and got nailed to a cross
but He was not lost
no, even Death He fought
not for Himself but for us
even our soul had been marked
This water I drink is like a pool.
I can feel the residue that I know comes from others.
"Yes your majesty
You claim
But it turned to trajedy
Not fame
The core left me
Am i to blame?
what's it bring me?
Nothing but shame
But when i called out
Nobody came
"My mind is full of fire
The terror can get no higher
I need to run away
Anything to escape
This world so full of pain
And memories of the shame
As though it didn't leave a stain
"Watch from a distance
As the girl he loves caved
Picks up her head
As she tried to be brave
Tears cried alone
He knew he could save
Her eyes held an anguish
Was it too late?
"I am lost,
Here alone
As though the frost
Has reached my bones
I am tossed
Onto the stone
As my smile is a clone
Tears run free, you should have known
all that's left is skin and bone."
"A battle within a battle
A heart within a heart
I'd be lost without you
I don't know where to start
But as I look away
My anger turns to shame
To yell would not be right
"It's hard enough to live
Without the hurt and pain
But I can't seem to win
Or stop the awful shame
But since I'm not seen at all
I watch my spirit fall
And try to find a way
I’m a femme fatalemy father taught me wellLike Mata Hari my charms arefor my victims to dispelLike the mistress Laura Bellthe Queen of London Whoredomone day I may find the Lord but
They think that we be killing
they think that we be stealing
They think that every nigga in the hood is just a villain
If we in an alley don't mean we are dealin
(For all the victims of sexual harassment)
Their names were many,
Their faces were multiple.
I simply called them “fearful”,
They simply called me “easy”.
christ chose to lift her at this time,
"To die is better than to live,"
is written in the Book of Life.
your lips touched me and brought what flows through my body up to the surfaceand it was a beautiful thing and i finally believed that who i was was beautifuli was myself and i was no longer ashamed of it but
They say, "keep your friends close
But your enemies closer."
I ask, then, how do you know?
Who is your friend
And who is your foe?
One moment it's sunshine
And happiness and laughter.
Memories are a part of me,
They drift apart from me.
So many thoughts, just like my old matchbox cars,
Simpler times---remember pogo sticks and toy guns,
"Just be yourself."
I've heard that line a thousand times
Which self? The one that gets me admiration and respect,
or the one who swings between lows and elation,
She doesnt know she poor, Even when life tells her in many ways Her refrigerator becomes empty. Whenever she is hungry she can't even find a whole meal. Her family barley has enough food to last them until they can get more.
First the mud was dredged from the reeded river
by the potter’s boy
who slid his hands in the cool sludge and made his friends with the wet earth.
In the studio, the inert mass waited to be yanked off in chunks, to be shaped by adroit hands –
like...
No rhythm
No rhyme
Just me
And myself
Dark hands
Bright face
WIth a dim glow in the eyes
Worn out
By the challenge
Of living each day with a smile
Inside
This shame you make me feel
For telling the truth
For standing up for myself
Is shame unjustified.
This guilt you plant in me
For apologizing
For being too honest
Is guilt unjustified.
Dishonesty creeping
Through trembling fingers
Acts normal on the outside
While hate grows within.
All the while guilt and
Apprehension stir in the object
There are demons pressing in on me.
There are demons pressing out on me.
It's as if when my eyes hit the mirror
they hit the bullseye for my body to grow.
the bullseye is really a trigger.
Behind the hazel, she's just a lonely little one. Behind the hazel, she wants to the world to be gone. Behind the hazel, she's fighting everyday. Behind the hazel, she's scared in every way. Behind the hazel, she's slightly shattered.
“Free me”, she screams in his face.“No more.No more a moore.I am a river.I flow.I live and give
I hate these ballet shoes
Everyday marks another bruise
And as I dance with the pain, my brain is in flames, going insane
Working double time over what should be considered a war-crime
Behind the curtain
What I keep hidden
From your eyes and mind
Is strictly forbidden
Under the mask
What a clever disguise
we are full of stories to tell
memories we store and dreams that we sell
soon they fade from view
sadly they dry as the morning dew
ignorant of a dream's worth
or a lesson to which memory gave birth
your cruel words slam into me like a trainwreck
attaching themselves to my every thought
they soon become a part of my being
tattooed, exposed, unsettling
i slowly peel off the layers
with help from friends
I have been taught
To dream,
But not in excess,
To hope,
But not so much,
To fight,
But not too hard,
Because maybe,
I will find
The backbone
to burst out
You might want to get out a pen and paper and take some notes
Listen up, no texting please, awkward eyes contact is necessary
We’ll start with some basic rules, you'll want to write them down
I watch his eyes with a breaking heartMy life falls to peices when we are apart.My love for him kills me, like a cold, sharp knifeI'd give him my all, I'd give him my life.
Something's missing from your history books.
Cinderella is far from a fabel,
And Disney's a money-hungry liar.
Her name was actually Daji Mei Fang.
The clock struck twelve, she lost her left slipper.
Another day
One of hatred and greed
A world of sin with no consequence
For the deed
No shame
For the world is the same
Keeps on trudging
Day after day
But stop
So many competitors, not enough prizes
I hope to seek a win in some of my suprises
My ambition to win is higher than most
Although I've been passed by as if I'm a ghost
A letter to my mother
My mother hates me and I don’t know why
We just can’t seem to see eye to eye
She disrespects me to the ump degree
Now I’m going to tell you what’s in my decree
A mountain of fear
A valley of guilt
A river of shame
And a world of sin
Do not bow your head in defeat
There are things we must not accept
Love not Hate
Bake the cake
Shake the fate
Other men make
Hang and gangs
Fools with tools
Rules for schools
Colored wernt cool
Governtment just drooled
A genuine lust of morning'sVoiceThere I slumber, and ponderAbout the tresspassers of the dayAnd the smell of the roses fill theCream cooled air of my mindWhile my arrival is very slow and timed
people today think they know what respect truly is,
when they don't even respect the opinions of others.
My skin
cannot find its’ purpose
in newspapers
uncomfortable
it makes you
ashamed
guilt makes you look dirty
little girl
played slavery when she was seven
tar baby
She said we'll never talk about it again
That doesn't mean she won't think about it
I did wrong
And I feel like shit
Why do I always fall into the Devil's temptations?
I feel dirty
I am ashamed
I am a disgrace
How long did I think I could keep this up?
Even though I knew that it wouldn't be long till I was found out
Every time
Never fails
I feel like crying
I try so hard,
even when I feel I have made some progress
It is for naught.
My line is corrupt.
She was beautiful once. She was feisty once. She could ride a Harley, choke a stogie and found herself as a fine woman of the 50’s.
Why does she float around with no shame?
With words that are utterly sweet yet so crisp
The optimisim that lives inside of her only to express it to everyone else
No matter how great of a feature on him
When my Great Grandmother was near death in the hospital
I was curious to see what an old person's butt looks like,
so I kept standing on my tippie toes to catch a see
I was an ass.
I was shy but an ass.
When I worked up the courage to talk,
all this gross undeserved arrogance would spill out like:
"I'm probably smarter than you."
Thoughts of her
Dripping into my sternum
From all the way up there
In my brain
Where she has implanted herself
Like an alien egg
hands and knees burn
from the rug’s roughness
and the trees bow their heads
children’s faces wet
with the sins of yesterday
ropes pulled
Looking around. Biting lip. Sickness whirls into your stomach. Nausea hits you out of nowhere. Palms sweat. All of a sudden it feels unbearable to just stay still. You have to move. You have to escape. But you can't.
Justin Bieber with his pants sagging so low
touring round the world with pot to blow.
While little girls are following screaming his name,
giving our society a face of shame.
Justin Bieber such a shame
The sun shines bright, but thou smile shines brighter, All becomes well, my worries begin to fade; We lie beneath the tree, laughing in t
On words alone, you taste faith.
On belief alone, you see the ageless.
On lie alone, you feel nothing real.
On truth alone, you hear a song.
On visions alone, you are the fake seer.
We stand to fall,
We run to crawl,
We laugh to cry,
and we live to die.
No matter what turn you take,
your actions all lead to fate.
The fate at the end of the road you're on,
ink smeared onto palms touching
smelling of slight rust and the ever present sweat
sweat off of a workers back who comes home to find what?
his wife sitting watching ellen asking questions
why are you so tired?
His pale skin burning in the sun
Is all that people see
But then at night when darkness comes
He changes completely.
Living two life's,
I flicker between the two,
Pretending the corrupt is nonexistent.
I put on my mask,
Hiding my imperfections,
And shunting the cruel reality into a dream.
There are three who share this trait
That can even beat fate
They hid with ugliness
But once they know
Their true colors as time pass
Their beauty will surpass
Everyone
A broken family they appear
Who Am I?
What makes me, me?
I have been ashamed of me.
Afraid of me.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and
I wonder why You chose me,
What do You see in me that I can't see?
My King has come,
He is a wilderness that cannot be tamed.
Satan thought he can play these games,
But the Father roars and shakes His mane,
and Sin is gone, it has been defeated.
Lust,
Hate,
Coveting.
Fighting the Devil for the purity of my soul.
TV,
Music,
Books.
Lust is made easy for a 17-year-old girl.
Shame
Brought on by ourselves
In this sin-filled world
We delve
The wretched Fallen Angel
Seeks to devour and continues
To mangle
BUT You
Could always see
And for those who believe
It was never my intent to return to this place
dark halls of betrayal, and lacking in grace
Lustful intentions, like geysers of steam
scald memories ‘neath mahogany beams
