selfhate
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With every word that comes out of my mouth
There is a string attached at the end
With the word "regret"
With every word that passes through my mind
It longs to be brought out
My mentor was trappped in another world
in my tormentors
PTSD, Anxiety, Depression
a supression of myself
I've stuggled against it,
I've tried to deny them
It made me feel as though I didn't fit.
I found her sorrow in the
purple and blue lightning bolts under her
eyelids.
I found her courage in the
hollow irises deep inside her
eyes.
I found her stress in the
I've been patiently waiting for you to notice me like a girl standing in the corner at a party just waiting to be danced with. But you never notice me.And every time I try to give you a compliment you always seem to get mad at me.I'm sorry if I al
so stuck I cant write ...can't even get insight ...on why I can't keep up the fight...or why I never feel right
every one has there thoughts ...as I feel left out ...stomach in knots ...not even allowed to pout
They ask me what's wrong ?
How come your so sad ?
but then I blow it off and deflect ..........
"oh its nothing " " really its nothing like that !
Then all of a sudden I'm left panicking SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE
she cries herself to sleep every night, holding on with all her might. She worries about what the future will bring, Will she lose everything? She thinks that she's all alone, And that nowhere feels like home.
What a twisted game I play,
Just me, myself, and I.
A game so quiet that no one knows,
It exists in my mind, and in my life.
What a twisted game,
I keep to myself.
The game before a mirror,
What would you know,
About me and my plight?
Have you heard me scream for dear life?
Have you seen my inability to talk,
Incapable of expressing myself,
Unless it is by paper, by words.
Alone I sit in the dark,
Cold, broken, torn apart.
Shackled to a wall of fears,
Tied down by my own tears.
My voice stuck deep in my throat,
I reach to grasps the words that choke,
I hate myself.
Why?
Because I can’t do what I want to
Even though I should be able to
I have no good reason why I want to
Or why I can’t
I never get what I want
She didn't act like that
until they called her fat
then they called her ugly
Her best friend noticed what she was hiding
she saw the scars on her wrist
I guess she cut
But why?
How dare you stare down at me
Such cold hostilitity radiating from your soul
How dare you find the notion
That I am below the ground you tread
I will make you consume all that I stand for
My pictures have been fake for years
My eyes don't sparkle like they used to
I try to drown out my mind with music and drinks
My heart and soul don’t quite work right
I'm hurting on the inside
My mother's crying
My father's gone
My brother's screaming
I am singing,
I think I'll take a walk
My friends aren't listening
My teachers don't care
The walls are closing in
You don't even know who you fucking are, let alone what you're fucking worth,
She came to me
Eyes filled with tear and she began to confine to me,
She said
"I fell in love with him because i thought he was best for me,
looking at the entire world in an illusion
What they see is merely the reciprocal of reality; wretched bodies tainted by calloused flaws.
They overlook the constellations in their pores and only acknowledge the darkness inbetween.
The deep, agonizing thoughts swarm around my head as if they are bees.The dark memories cloud my brain to the core, keeping me from seeing the reality around me.
My mask
My hiding
My facade
This is what I keep from everyone
My happy face
My pesaceful grace
My ever-present humor
This is why they never knew
My hidden tears
Left with a broken smile,
A twisted girls mind
Can take you a mile
Through the decisions she's made
She's haunted by pain
Brought to light to see
The only good decision she ever made
Why do i feel like this is my fault when im the only one that trying?
Each one of my relaships slowly dying.
I just want to feel loved but maybe thats asking for too much.
Just once i would like to know a loving touch.
Sitting here, thinking of you, I can't help but look in the mirror of my eyes and think about all the shit I've been through hoping to find a glimpse of happiness and solitude.
Shoot her.
The you in the mirror
Or the you before the mirror.
One wears a malicious smile
The other tear-stained cheeks.
She taunts and dehumanizes
Fat.
You claim to be human, then put yourself down.
How dare you believe you should not be around.
Your mind is a labyrinth, your looks intriguing
Yet you still think you would be better bleeding.
One day I hope they'll see
this is just a sad part of me
their hearts I do not mean to break
I do it for my own souls sake
I want to smile and often do
except for when I think of you
Its 5:33 and your lying next to me, which seems so small but means the world to me.
They say "stay strong,
keep moving on"
while I'm shuttering and cold;
and I've been growing old,
of the voices in my head.
And, I'm all alone.
"it's just a phase," they say.
No one ever tells you how much it hurts
To hate yourself.
No one ever tells you how addictive it is
You and I are staring out of this window pane..
& I don't know who you are..
I don't know when you came..
or how long you will stay..
so I glance at you from time to time..
Don't stay with me
It'll only make it worse
Why can't you see?
This is my curse
Don't stay with me
It'll only bring you grief
Why do you ignore my plea?
Just make it brief
The Puzzle
Life is so confusing
What to do
And what to say
I feel like I'm abusing
My brain
I wear a size seven,
you want me to be a three.
Forget what you say.
This is real, this is me.
I wear a size large,
you want me to be a small.
You think 5'1" is too short,
Stretched into a pirouette Porcelain arms above her head Pristine balance and tight bunned hair A trickle of salt water dread The lace toe shoe grips the edge Atop the orange lip of God Sprawling below is dark abyss She could fall with just a prod
Feelings, Emotions, the basis of our existence
Tearing apart every piece of my weakened heart
Though through all the pain I show no resistance
so many reasons to hate myselfmake for so little time to sleepsilent Insomnia frequents my bedsideshe echoes each secret I keep
As she lies in bed, another body hovers over her being.
A grown man thrusting his hips into what we'll call her pelvis
is all she's been seeing.
I know mommy's proud now...right?
Stay silent
Sit straight
Perfect hair
Perfect teeth
Perfect body
Perfect house\perfect friends `
Perfect parents
Perfect! Perfect! Perfect!
I made three phonecalls on a sunday.
My parents didn't answer.
My best friend didn't answer.
I called 911 and she told me to tell the officer when he got to my home.
I called for help.
My wrists were slit.
