They ask me what's wrong ?
How come your so sad ?
but then I blow it off and deflect ..........
"oh its nothing " " really its nothing like that !
Then all of a sudden I'm left panicking SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE
CRYING OUT LOUD
It's as if some how they feel my ache but for some reason I'm too ashamed
yeah I know it sounds ABSOLUTELY PROPOSTEROUS
But honestly this is how I feel and i'm absolutly terrified of opening myself up
that vulnerability is what I crave ..........
to be so open with another person that I don't feel ashamed or embarassed to be myself
But unfortunitely the judgements of others is what terrifies me above all else.
It feels like a dream that I'm constantly waking up from.
But still lately I'm left dreaming, constantly overthinking
--- like the OVER THINKING INSOMNIAC THAT I AM
lying awake at night thinking about a better me a more selfless me
now that sounds devine
I am burning away as my inner thoughts combust....
erupting like a volcano through the many layers of my unconcious mind.
As I delve deeper into this vortex that I can't come back from
I begin to second guess my place in this world.
its funny I could never sum up the courage to let it all out and stop hiding.
The many frustrations that keeps attacking my very core
WHAT JUST WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR ME TO NOT BE SCARED ANYMORE !?