Alone. Its not what I feel nor want but what I must accept.
My future ahead can be dreamed but only foretold through present actions.
Love for me felt through one single being.
A multitude of energy. Lost, I know. How can one see the light when their mind is surrounded in the dark?
Dwelled. Dwelling, dark.
& If I could tell you one thing its love, I love you, but why?
To love someone who isn’t a person, not a spirit but a wandering spirit.
Many entities through the corrupted mind, I cry silently.
I’m a stranger to myself. I broke. Sank into truth through these ugly actions and that’s when I decided to do it, “its only one drink”. One, two, three, four, five, DONE. NO, you keep going. One hit, two hit, three hit, FOUR! Six hit, seven hit, 8 hit, done. No, you keep smoking, infecting my lungs with this poison,....... I feel good. Present in the moment but living in another realm, this realm within my head. I can’t find him. See, haha. I am alone. Though many people surround me with this love and praise, its everything I don’t care to appreciate. I love him. I’ll say it again and again and again, I’LL SCREAM it again and again and again but he’ll NEVER hear me. He’ll never, see me, again. WHYYYYYY GOD?!?!!? Who is God? UGHH I HATE THIS WORLD. THIS WORLD OF FOOLS AND THEY CLAIM ME TO BE THE JOKER? I am not all knowing, but I am all learning! I am an open mind, and as an open mind keeps expanding I only KNOW 5 things on this earth to be true. These 5 things fall under ONE category I live by; BOHEMIA.
AHHH YES BOHEMIA!
To live the lifestyle of a modern hippie, YELLING FUCK THE FREE WORLD. WRONG!!!! Bohemia isn’t a choice, it’s a lifestyle given to you through mother earth. It’s the belief in beauty. Not physical appearance, not personality, but beautiful nothings. Beautiful little monsters. Those seen as EVIL yet posses the hearts of gold. These monsters are beauty. Bohemia, it’s the belief in TALENT. Above all I believe in talent. Not just raw but true art. THE TRUE artistic creatures that connect their brain, with their talent. They don’t want to just enlighten the world, but to CHANGE the world, the legendary children of the revolution, of the new world order. Bohemia, is the understanding of writing and art.The invisible lyrics which spark my inner imagination. Bohemia, is the belief of LOVE. There you go my children. You have it. Beauty, Talent, Writing, Art and LOVE, this is my …… life. Although I understand all of these things, why must I question………………………love?
He loves me, He loves me not, I love him, and I love you not. Have you ever had sex? I’m not just speaking of a one night fuck, I’m talking about PASSIONATE, mind blowing, Hair Pulling, Making Love. The Love, LUST, sweat and desire for that wowgasmic moment of pure ecstasy. Because I sure haven’t. I climax everytime, and my body shakes. But, to make love? Nope, because my spirit isn’t connected to those I share myself with. Those are mere bodies. Everyone I meet pales in
comparison to the one I love. I’m dead. DEAD in all aspects.
Tell me something, If I’m so ”DEAD ” THEN WHY am I so beautiful? I know the answer. I am the GIFT. THE GIFT FROM above, the GIFT of Light and Love. I have the energy to bring anyone out of his or her dark hour with the magic I harbor. I love a boy with NO SOUL. With a heartbeat I can easily play in unison with my own. With words so sour, that each one stings my thoughts with dirty knowledge. He opened my eyes to the world, yet he thought I’d end up as his soul mate. Was it all a lie? Do I love a liar? Did I LOVE Satan himself? So, be it. I fell in love, with a liar, and a fraud. For he, moved on. He had to move on. Part of him held on to the sight of me, but he gave up. Now the tears I cry are just tears. I feel my heart breaking. SHHH, do you hear it crumble? I see my body rotting, dying away inside. I see my smile fading, and my spirit drifting away. There goes the lighter, and down goes the vodka, One last drink, One last hit, Soon, I won’t feel anything. I fly high and I’m gone.