suicidal thoughts
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Entertaining death
The thoughts fill my mind
My chest heavy with
Despair
Pass another year
I jest. But in reality
I begin to feel fear
It's been a while now
I used to cut and cry and repeat
But now I finally know
How that battle can be beat
The one person I didn't want to know knows
But no one knows it all
They know of my depression
But they do not know of the marks spanning down my arms and thighs
They know I am struggling
Her mind is filled with the screams of the damned
Roaring over the cracking
Tearing
Ripping
Of the sky
The pounding beat steady
Louder
Louder
Louder
Gutteral cries
Deep down
She lies in the dark
scared to be alone with her thoughts for even a moment
that they might overtake her
or that they'd swallow her whole
as if she'd never see the light of day again
im sorry Yall probably wont ever see this but this needs said
im sorryI know at times it appears otherwise but i love you all truly i always have
Dear Mother,
You ask if I’m alright, always expecting a simple ‘I’m alright’, or ‘I’m fine’.
And that’s what you get, because that’s what you expect and I know that so it’s okay.
Dear parents,
I'm sorry that I'll never grow up
To be the person you wanted me to be.
I'm sorry that when you think of me,
All you'll remember are the signs
You didn't see.
Dear sister,
Daddy, I’m scared.
There’s a monster under my bed.
And i hear his claws and his deep growl.
Daddy, I’m scared.
But you’re my brave knight!
go to school, they say
get a job, they say
but why?
you don't care about me.
I'm just another cog in the machine
I'm so tired, so lonely, and so done with it all
Trying to write what i feel
Putting emotions into words
Trying to explain these things
I dont even know what they are
When the words won’t come out
I remember thinking that I deserved it
-the pain, I deserved the pain
I remember it being difficult to talk
-the words, they just wouldn't come out
I remember that I despised myself
Have I ever wished
to dive into a ravine?
I would have said no.
I'm forced to say yes.
What were once my sweetest dreams
crash upon the rocks.
Drain the mania;
She doesn't cry anymore.
Instead she smiles.
But her wrists cry.
They cry rivers of red.
But nobody notices.
Not until she's dead.
Can't anyone see me?
See this fake smile on my face?
See these tears that I hold back?
Can't you see the pain that I'm in?
You all see this wall of protection that I have put up,
I am a sailboat.
A sailboat without a sail.
Without any wind to guide me.
My life is the ocean,
Angry and fierce and unpredictable.
It tosses me from side to side,
The water pouring in,
Kneeling against these creaky doors,Lazily carving incisions,To take back my skin from the pain,Then I decided to spew out,A chalice of apparent relief,And fall into the puddle,Letting the tears benumb the stench,My insides clenched onto the despa
Missing before the night I left,
Invisible to those around me,
Lost in my own world,
Trying to survive on my own,
Trying to be noticed,
Trying to reach out and beg someone for help.
The darkness formed a box in my mind,
Trapping my thoughts and never letting me see the light.
I'm trapped within my own mind,
And that's the worst kind of torture,
The rose is mineI cherished itIt's something sacred and uniqueSome give it up so fastGive it away at any momentTo a boy or a girl
I hear the screams
I hear the cries
But when I try to stop them
The voices reply,
"Darling dear….”
“You've been talking back!"
It’s not depression
It’s not suicidal
It’s not anxiety
Because I tell myself
It’s not
Others have it worse
Not to rain on your parade
But I’m not the fragile crybaby you think I am.
You see,
Suicidal thoughts weight a ton
I trek through concrete jungles
With 500 pounds of loneliness on my backpack,
WELCOME HOME! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU! I'M SO GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK! YOU WERE GONE FOR QUITE A WHILE, YOU KNOW. BUT NOW WE'RE TOGETHER AGAIN! I'M SO HAPPY! HOW ARE YOU? HAHAHA, DON'T ANSWER THAT.
there are so many things happening
my brain feels like mush
life is moving past me
why is everyone in a rush
i don't want to be here anymore
i feel the water start to gush
i honestly dont know what you expected
this isnt a poem
you want to know how much i want attention?
yeah
me too.
when you ask me what i’m thinking and i outright refuse,
my mind is full of things i could never ask from you:
stop me from stealing, stop me from lying.
keep me away from the nails i’m biting.
I wake up in the middle of the night, my eyes low, my breath shallow and sharp.
I lay down in the middle of the day, tears stinging my eyes, bleeding arms and hips.
I see her get picked on everyday.
I do nothing to stop them.
I'm too scared to stand up
to the bullies who ones bullied me.
They called me every name in he book.
They said I was ruining my life.
A dark hole has nothing on this so-called life
A dark hole is a haven to me. But life?
Life cuts at you like a knife.
And just as you escape the strife
It tears you down once more
Im like a toddler in the driver's seat
I thought the freeway looked promising
it didnt seem difficult from what I seen
too much time alone in the other seat
knowledge is nothing without experience
if there ever is a day when im gone
when the wind sweeps me away with the pale dust and dingy acidic rain
if there ever comes a day when my mouth is sewn shut for good and
You found me,
Hanging there,
The note that I left,
is in your hands,
And as you read,
You start to remember all the signs,
And you start to realize that,
I could have been saved,
Your words are like a knife a dagger a double edged sword cutting through
Each time the wound gets deeper and deeper
So bad you can't take it anymore and wanna give up, don't.
I dedicate this to you
To all those who have suffered endlessly hopeless
Fighting to live another day just like today too
Rock paper scissors, oops you're out
Get out, out of my life I don't need you.
Don't do it
So you aren't perfect after all
No one asked you to be
Neither am I
Neither is he
Neither is she
We all have a purpose
Find it
Lets make a difference
The young quiet girl with baby blue eyes,
I see her in school,
I see how she hides,
But hides what I dont know.
The young quiet girl who never did speak,
I see her get bullied,
Depression.
It’s like being trapped in a dark tunnel.
You are cold.
With nobody to keep you warm,
As they wrap their arms around you.
You are alone.
Nobody is there for you;
Nobody ever was.
I cannot touch you
Not physically
Yet emotinally and mentally I manage to do.
You're so far away
But so close to me
I tell you goodnight at the end of the day.
I wish I we could meet
I write because I am sick, because I am always filled with anger and sadness.Typing my heart and soul out through these keys onto this screen and now in your mind is how I can slowly save myself.
Bright blue eyes shine like
Rain upon my window pane
Hair like golden waves spike
Just as sweet as sugar cane
When he goes away
He will never comeback
There’s nothing to say
Hurts like a heart attack
