When I could Pretend


When I was a small girl I prided myself in my ability to play pretend,

I would rip through my mom's closet pulling out gizmos and gadgets,

throwing them on to see what I would look like drowning in my mom’s clothes.

I was a princess in my world, looking for a dragon to slaughter.

My dragon was always my father,

I would run up to him and kiss him, and kill him with smooches.

Those were the days,

Back when I could play pretend.


When I got older my imaginary world started to crack,

There were real dragons to slaughter,

Not nice ones waiting for a kiss.

They were demons, and demented,

bullies on the playground,

Ready to throw me away from my world

breathing fire with the words that they spewed,

I kept up my smile through all the hell,

Because those were the days,

Back when I could play pretend.


I was a warrior even when I got older,

even when life increased its weight on me,

I was ready to take on the world one step at a time.

Until I was defeated by a mean spirit in black,

Death took my brother,

and left me with nothing,

But the shiver of doubt on my back,

How was I suppose to pretend?


Nonetheless I pretended,

I put on the smile for the rest of the world,

I hid away in my own universe,

I burrowed away into myself,

And pretended that

These were still the days,

Where I could pretend.


Deep inside my universe,

Past the jungle of fairy dust and curtains,

My mind was crying out in pain,

My true self wanted out,

but pretending was all I had left,

My real world was eclipsed by dark,

Because these were the days I had to pretend.


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