I remember thinking that I deserved it
-the pain, I deserved the pain
I remember it being difficult to talk
-the words, they just wouldn't come out
I remember that I despised myself
-despised who I was, every single fiber of my being
I remember rage
-becoming so upset, I didn't care who I took it out on
I remember feeling alone
-even though I knew there were others who had felt this way
I remember rarely smiling
-the corners of my lips, they wouldn't pull up
I remember wanting to drink
-not to get drunk, no, to feel numb
I remember the marks on my skin
-putting them there and watching as they turned from red to black to white
I remember the sickening pit in my stomach
-it wouldn't go away, not even after the marks would appear
I remember only thinking about now and not the future
-because I didn't think I would have one
I remember the thoughts
-the ones that didn't kill me but almost did
I remember loving you
-you, despite all of this, are what I remember most