ftm
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To the boys I caught frogs with
Summer of '16
You invited me down to the creek
For the first time in a while, I felt welcomed
Boys my age weren't as kind as you
Befriending me but not as one of them
i cannot remember the day they buried you
but i remember the way they wept
they mourned the loss of a girl never meant to exist.
It’s all about the presentation.
The way you present your poetry can make or break the poem.
A poem written by a below-average 4 year old can sound beautiful coming out of your mouth.
Do you see me?
See me cut my chest and slice my arms
Do you see me?
Wanting accepting and craving for love
Do you see me?
Suffering and hurting
Do you see me?
I’m not a princess or a queen
Not a prince or a king
Though I am a boy
I am only a boy
Nothing more nothing less
I know who I am
January 8th 2009, a beautiful baby girl is born into this world. She’s 7 pounds and 15 ounces. She’s 20 ½ inches. She is the perfect bundle of joy. Everybody loves her.
A lot of people take it for granted.
But I wouldn’t.
Give me what I want.
Give me what I need.
All I want to do is live in the utopia everyone says this is.
I want to be a boy in the way they are.
I want a round chest because it’s so muscular.
Not because my body needs a place to hold milk for a child that’ll never exist.
The rules to passing as a man to the general public.
Step 1
Cut your hair.
Your long gorgeous thick hair.
Yeah? You love it?
I wish I felt like a girl.
I wish I could enjoy having long hair, hip dips, my lovehandles , a big butt, and perky breasts.
I wish I liked being seen as a girl.
Do you think I chose this?
Why would this be a choice?
Who chooses to pay thousands of dollars in medical debt?
I wish I lived in an utopia
Where everyone’s accepting
But where I live is just not it
Dystopia is here
And here I lie
Looking at the sky
Hello and hi is a start I guess
And either way you know the rest
That I’m a boy
But you said no
And that hurts too much
It breaks my heart
I sit in my desk with silent,
While my friend group talks bad about me in quiet,
They talk about how I dress,
And they absolutely despise how I act,
I sit here
ready to unlearn
every nonsense I was taugh
All because I am trans
I was taught that I was
I sit here
ready to unlearn
every nonsense I was taugh
All because I am trans
I was taught that I was
By: Jaiden
I´ve always been a boy
I just couldn’t be without getting hurt
Held done in my coffin-like hiding space
You are my demon.
You chase after me,
Trying to catch me,
And swallow me.
You try to slice me.
You rip open my
I was very very very broken
Nothing but sharp objects and dark places; gone boy
The fog was so thick around me
All i could see was one shining light
Sometimes i like to get high on beaches at night time
I like to inhale the chemicals
And exhale my fears
I like the feeling of the sand
Cool and soft and silky
you dragged a knife across my heart
the way i used to drag a blade across my skin
there was so much blood
there is so much blood
and i cannot stop the bleeding
burnt bridges led my way
they led the way to you
i could see their fire in your eyes
you came from another path
of ashes and pain
we came together
depression,
this intangible idea
that we desperately wish
was something we could grasp
this ailment isn’t tangible
i am nothing to everyone
and the weight of that nothingness
feels like i am holding up the universe
on two bony shoulders and a curved spine
this greek myth
i press the blade to my skin
i breathe
into my lungs
out of my lungs
when does the pain
of your world falling apart
begin to end?
i took my life in my own hands
and i decided to resuscitate myself
i folded my hand over the other
and beat down on my chest
i forced air into my lungs
i can drown myself
in alcohol
it never really
helps at all
no matter how much shit
i inhale through my nose
on my chest
below my neck
ornaments on my body
i don’t remember asking for
they decorate me
but i seldom feel like art
He is hiding in her skin
Always trying to keep his head above the tide
Living inside her phantom form
The dysphoria a tidal wave washing over his head
Like red hot lava gushing out of a volcano ready to erupt
Sitting in the dark.
Dreams vivd.
If only they were from the milk drank or the cheese eaten.
Much, much deeper in the soul, it leeches.
Somehing of a scratch it was.
i slept
in my binder
last night,
the fabric compressing
tight
holding my ribs
close
Hope is a magical word,
Happiness fluttering aghast in the wind
Blowing fears and uncertainty behind me
I see a world reborn
Relentless to strife
As if it has cut away my anxiety like a knife
it came to me under the guise of well-meaning concern
for my body, my chemicals,
my family, my voice,
my potential future lovers
Dear girl I used to be…I’m sorry.I’m sorry for the lies, I’m sorry for making you put on that disguiseA fake smile, a fake face, a fake body and a fake placeIn this world, telling you what you needed to be
I, am Eli Gene Smith
Yes, I am pansexual,
No, that doesn’t mean I make out with pans.
Yes, I am pansexual,
But no, I do not fall in love with every person I meet.
My fingertips go numb
Yet, somehow I am able to clench a fist
The thought of punching you in the face overtakes me, but I stuff it down
I want to watch you suffer
Just as you had made me
I've finally thrown her out of my house.I defenestrated the cunt after all these years.I still catch drops of her blood pooling underneath the doormat and dripping from the leaves overhead of my porch.
Dear little girl, It's okay, no need to fear. You were meant to be here. Your contemplation and hesitation Don't let it cloud you; don't let it drown you.Just do what you do; be you. One day you'll have all the fun.One day you won't have
dear dad,
you look at me
when i am a woman,
pretty pink dress
clung like a leech
sucking content
from my skin.
Dear Abusive Boyfriend,
Dear Binder,
Three-in-Five
Three-in-Five
Three. In. Five.
I was part of three-in-five.
I was with him for
One year and three months.
One year and three months.
Dear Me,
I am transgender
And I am afraid of the world
I am afraid to walk out of my house,
For the fear that someone may hurt me for being me.
I fear that I will not find love,
August 23, 2017
Dear Mom,
Please read this entire letter through and don't skip around; read this before opening the email I sent you. Please keep an open mind. I love you!
Terrible.
Tasteless.
Taboo.
All are words to describe,
What I long for.
It doesn't hurt me,
It doesn't hurt you,
So why does it matter?
Terrific.
Adjusting the disgusting bra on my chest,
I flip ratty, old dress over my head.
Glancing in the mirror, I feel so wrong.
One year older,
Another year lost.
Another year waiting,
I paid the cost.
One year of dysphoria,
And hiding from the summer sun.
One year of being ignored,
Stuffed under the pink rug.
Help me!
I trapped inside someone whom I’ll never be.
The phrases thrown at me feel like a dagger in the back.
Being hurt by those closest to me.
I know they don’t mean it.
My collorbones like handles poking through my skin
The rungs of a ladder to pull me out and set me free
And when I pull to climb out of this wretched body
I feel instead myself crumble and fold within
I am trapped in the closet,
Such a scary place,
With monsters around me,
About to bite my face.
I hold on for dear life,
Day after day,
Waiting, just waiting,
Will I fade away?
Am I not human,
For having the courage,
To stand up,
And embrace who I am?
I am no different from you,
We eat the same food,
Breath the same air,
Is it just because I wear a binder,
Once Upon A Time
There was a princess who was deemedmost beautiful of them all.
She didn’t want the title,and the title didn’t want her.For she never felt beautiful.
I feel like Mulan set in Modern time
no longer a cross-dressing warrior for you to fetishize
I'm real, my hair cut short and two useless boobs I have to bind.
My identity? How nice, you'll call it mine?
When I look in the mirror
I see a face rottiong away
I don't know who she is
But I know it's not who I am
What am I?
Who is she?
Why's this mirror always lying to me ?
He’s just a token
Of his family’s disappointment
A silent reminder of what’s bad
All the dark in this world
He’s just a token
Do you know what it feels like,
To run your fingers through the freshly shorn grass
Behind your ears,
For the first time,
And to feel the steady crackle of your heartbeat,
Burning like a hearth, like home.
Man: an adult, human male.
Man. Whose gender is defined solely by his genitals.
Man. He who is strong, and brave, and masculine.
Man. That which, I am not.
Why does it offend you?
Why do we offend you?
Why do I offend you?
Why does Love, offend you?
She's a perfect little girl,
When she spins her skirt twirls,
Her hair is more beautiful than a thousand gems,
But the truth is she doesn't fit in with the other femmes,
Everyone says she's a perfect little girl,
I'll never be enough,
I'll never be tall enough to fit in with other boys,
I'll never be cool enough to be surrounded by people,
I'll never be 'one of the boys,'
But that's ok,
The boys say I'm not one of them,
The girls say I can't come in,
The gays say I don't belong,
The rest say this is just wrong,
Where do I fit in?
My friend likes pink so he wears it,
I’m a boy like any other, you’d know if you looked at me,
But when I walk with all my friends, all they say is she,
When someone calls me my real name, I just want to cry,
But I’d never say anything or I’d be mortified,
Some people look at me.
Look again, recognize my gender.
Please tell me that you know what I mean.
My existence means that the world is changing.
P-O-U-...
I spell out my town's name, so familiar on my lips.
The rose hips I keep forgetting to make tea with,
the pitch of pines and gossipping voices.
Wind behind your back, whispering when your head's turned.
The heart behind his false chest
The voice so weak from shaking breaths
The blood so damn unnecessary
The mirror lies. His body's scary.
She is a stranger. A ghost. A monster.
I feel like my dreams have become so small.I used to dream big dreamsLike being president,A firefighter,An Austronaut,A baker.But now I’m so simple.All my dreams are T.
He always looks as though he’s tasted something bitter,
so much so that i wonder if the cigarette he lifts to his lips tastes sweet to him.
He smiles at me like he’s holding back tears,
A baby, not even a moment oldIts story is unwritten, clean, untoldGrows into a child, encouraged to fulfill his dreamsJust be sure to fit within society’s scheme
I hate what oppression has done for my group.
"Maybe you just haven't found the right man yet."
I hate what oppression has done for my group.
"Who treated you wrong?"
Transgender
A word that brings Fear.
That brings dysphoria, confusion, invasive questions
Fear of entering another's home and being attacked
By their transphobic parents
No one knows the anxiety I face
Never understanding the difficulties of being in my place
I'm a man, in a womens shell
Forever living every day in my dysphoric hell.
I'm used to being just another guy,
I'm lost in the sense of who I am
and who I'm supposed to be.
My brain and heart work just fine
but they have the hardest time communicating.
Don't tell me how to feel because I've known
His lips touch mine; they nip and pull, and although I see sweet succulent lips characteristic of a woman, I feel a man’s powerful grip against the curve of my body.
They hold me close, desperate and compulsive.
The emphasis placed on between the legs
Is what is reflected in the world today
We have become so consumed with a person's sex
That it takes precedence over the person they are
Who they will become
When you walk through the halls and students don't know
If you're a boy or a girl, and think their confusion don't show
Free
Baby beluga in the deep blue sea
You swim so wild and you swim so free
Heaven above and the sea below
