moving forward
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The girl that you all know is no longer here,
And while I have your attention, let me make one thing perfectly clear.
That the girl who was once cared too much is long gone,
I don’t ever want to hear you say that again,
That you’re thinking about giving up just because things look like they are going to end.
It took me a long time to admit how terrifying this journey is to me,
And how hard it is to let go of my past to become everything I wanted to be.
Sometimes it feels like that loop is never going to end,
And that you keep living the same day over and over again.
As hard as you try to break those habits, it never seems to stop,
And just like that, three months have gone by,
And I didn’t think it would be this hard to say goodbye.
But there is not a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think about you,
After all this time, I finally realized what I need to do,
And that is to let go of everything that I went through.
To finally forgive you after everything that went down,
All of this time I kept blaming myself, wondering why I was never good enough,
But after four years, I finally realized that none of that is true.
I can’t blame myself for what you did to me,
It can be so hard to let go of the past,
Especially when it comes down to something that you were hoping was going to last.
But the only way to move on is to finally let it go,
I found myself starting to cry again last night,
Wondering what I could have done differently so you could love me right.
But for the first time in a while, the tears wouldn’t fall,
Last night was the last time that I will allow myself to feel this way,
Because you are no longer going to control my thoughts everyday.
I have finally realized that I can do so much better than you,
The day that I never thought would come is finally here,
And now I am able to see things nice and clear.
That you were nothing special from the start,
Just when I think that I am starting to feel okay,
Something sets me back, and I find myself crying the next day.
Everything that happened continues to mess with my head,
At first it was hard to see them go by,
Because they reminded me of my one and only guy.
The guy who had my heart from the start,
Can I sit here and say that I am starting to let it go?
Or is this a lie, and it is something that I already know.
During the day I am fine, and then I fall apart most nights,
When we met, things were falling apart,
And you were the only one who was able to help me heal from the start.
When my world was ending, you made me believe in hope and love once again,
The day that you left, it felt like my whole world came crashing down,
And that there was no way that I was going to be able to pick myself up off of the ground.
So here we are, trying to pick up the pieces of the mess that you made,
And the damage that you caused is going to need a lot more than a band-aid.
Sometimes it takes everything to fall apart, in order for things to start falling back together,
And it may look devastating, but that is the only way that things will ever get better.
I have to keep reminding myself that I knew that this was not going to be an easy task,
And it is simple to keep it together during the day, but lose it at night when you take off your mask.
If you stop now, then what was the point of all of this in the first place?
Because you can't quit now when you are this close to finishing the race.
Even if it seems like there is no finish line in sight,
Lately it feels as if everything around me is falling apart,
That I keep reliving the same moments over and over, not knowing how to follow my heart.
I keep it together, and have a smile on my face when others are around,
The older I get, the more I realized that there is nothing more precious than time,
And I have finally realized that I no longer want to waste mine.
For so long, I cared too much about what people thought about me,
The older I get, the more I realize that there is nothing more precious than time,
And that once I let it go, I can never get back something that is no longer mine.
Sometimes I feel like I don't give myself the credit that I deserve,
Because I always get back on track when things get tough, when others would not have the nerve.
I always thought that if you were the one to back down, it meant that you couldn't take it,
And that if you were the one who chose to walk away, all it really meant that you decided to quit.
This back and fourth bullshit from you is something that I told myself I would never deal with,
But I decided that when it comes to you, I can't deal with it anymore, and I have decided to plead the fifth.
I used to think that being alone was a bad thing, and that you need others to have fun,
But as I am getting older, I am realizing that you don't need anyone else to get things done.
I used to think that being alone was a bad thing, and that you need others to have fun,
But as I am getting older, I am realizing that you don't need anyone else to get things done.
As I have gotten older, I realized a couple of things about who I am,
And that is that I tend to leave a lot of how I feel about myself to other people, but I am really tired of giving a damn.
I always thought that being alone was a sad thing,
But that was before I knew about all the joy that it could bring.
As time has gone on, I have gotten more and more used to being alone,
Sometimes things don't always work out the way that we had planned,
And sometimes these things that are falling apart start to get you, and it gets to the point where you feel like you can't even stand.
Sometimes moving on can be one of the scariest things that you force yourself to do,
But it is the only way that you can move on and try to see things through.
It took me a long time to realize that no matter what you do, you can not please everyone,
And that you will only drive yourself crazy trying to accomplish this because it is a task that will never be done.
It took me a long time to realize that there is only so much that you can blame others for,
And that if you want to change your life, it is up to you to be the one to close that door.
It took me a long time to realize that we all have things in our pasts that we are not proud of,
But in a strange way, maybe these hard times are actually gifts that are sent from above.
I am not going to lie, I am someone who usually thinks New Year's resolutions are dumb,
Because why is it that we wait for the calendar to flip to try and change where we come from?
Why is it that it is so easy to forgive other people, but we I have such a hard time forgiving me?
That I give myself one chance to get something right, but I give others two chances; sometimes I even give them three.
Trying to do better, but keep choosing the same door.
There's nothing but pain here, guess theres a desire for more.
Words saying stay, actions pushing to go, go, go.
I've lost my position as Queen at the throne.
My king, my life, my home, all slipping away, gone.
Your loss, due to the fuck shit you be on.
Soon I will sit in emptiness, be isolated and alone.
What's your motive, what's your aime, what's in it for you to gain?
Things are adding up leading to more of the same pain.
It's insane to stay on this crazy train.
I should have just stayed quiet in my own lane.
How long will the bench be our home?
No one else is here, I'm sitting alone.
Put me in coach, I'll do the best I can.
Make us a priority, I am our biggest fan.
Obviously, its not an easy choice.
I'm afraid to fall into my emotions, scared that the pain is too much, won’t STOP.
I've been weak, but remarkable strong. If I hold this emotion in much longer my heart will STOP.
And we are at it again, why do I go back to him out of all men.
Just to sit and pretend, like I love him again.
Like he is actually a friend, but worse than letting a stray dog move in.
Demand my bones, their skin without
I dyed my hair then tore it out
My body begs for company
My mind can't silence all the screams
I would much rather rot in hell
Than put you under another spell
Here it goes
My name has been called
No, not by my pessimistic professors,
Not by my mother’s irritation.
It’s being called by a higher being
You see, I am but a small piece
This is not an apology,
I stand here for the world to see.
When life tried to hold me down, I got up off my knees.
The scars that I bear,
that you cannot see,
do not define me.
My time has come,
my head just hums
I knew it was time
but only I knew it was mine
The stage was free,
it was just me
Fear controls me as I always lose,
Ink that you bare so proudly,
That mirrors the writing of my mother,
Of the Matthew verse she taught me.
“So, don’t worry about tomorrow
For tomorrow with have worries of its own.
A Change of Me
As I pace back and forth in an empty room
where once was never empty and always full.
She wasn't the same everyone thought it was a damn shame.
She knew she shouldn't have changed but she didn't care
especially because she wasn't scared,
Yes everyone cared but they didn't know why she wasn't the same.
One year.
So much
And yet, nothing
Lose my life
Lose my mind
Lose my friends
Lose myself.
Move.
I gotta get my head straightI know whats waitingIve been thereÌ`ve stood at hell`s gateInstead of destroyingI`ve decided I`ll try to createtaking the steps to start freshLet`s call it a clean slate
And so it began,
back then.
I close my eyes,
remember,
I dream,
I forget.
Swirling though this space
encased with brittle bone.
Wanders the essence of myself,
I will never hurt another human being the way you hurt me;
Blinded by only what you want me to say and see,
Bound to you by a sense of misery.
I just can't seem to breathe.
Bloodless
If in designation we find substance,
We are neither truly rich nor poor.
I know what you see when you look at me.
At least I fear as you.
So many people going away. So many people going separate ways. Long friends, having to make amends. Great memories; Now having to say goodbye. Trying to stay strong and not cry.
Like fresh leaves after a storm frost
My feelings for you have taken a set deposit of raindrops
Like vivaciously gentle sunshine on a crisp January day
My soul is fresh torn away from the threads left by you
Crystals are one of the most amazing and beautiful geological creations we as man kind have found,
And I used to agree with them-
Until I met you.
A kind, caring soul,
You welcomed me with open arms.
You were beauty and you were madness in both of their truest forms.
I loved you and I liked you until the fated day came when you crushed me under your heel like putting out a cigarette butt.
You’ve held me back for so long
Now I’m so alive
Without you I thought I’d fall
But look!
Just watch
I’m flying
I never asked you for the world.
Didn't need you to give me anything but your love...
But apparently,
I was asking for too much.
The wind whispers to her
On which way to go
Just follow your heart
And the right path will show
She finds herself in a thicket patch
Cant go forward and can't go back
Briefly, if as in a dream, a spark ignited golden streams,
vibrating at the same frequency, it seems,
as the silver gleam harbored in me.
The leaves, they shiver, and depart from branch;
Inception created by conception
Brought this vessel towards direction
On this map with no compass rose
Breathing in uncertainty
My life is full of love and care
but to say it is perfect ...i don't dare,
I can't say i am desperatly sad
but the lack of happiness drives me mad,
I've been very patient all of these years
I was labeled a nothing from the time I was born,
No one seen a future in me, so my heart always remained torn.
"You're stupid and wont get far in life" is what I was always told.
Draw me a picture of what we could bePaint me a portrait of usSo precious the focus you put in your workLet my love pour out through your brush
The "Road" ahead was chilling,
but my willpower was high.
My goals, if God be willing,
Would stretch up to the sky.
In seeming despiration,
I watched it slip away.
It’s price is great,
But we have it now.
All through the lives of many,
Depression, oppression, work, work, work.
We have endured,
And so we have earned our freedom.
Tonight is the night.
There is no stopping.
After this, it’s all over, and then what are you going to do?
You’ll have that paper in your hand,
You’ll be done, and where will you go?
“No clue” – she says.
I do realize that everything is not all right.
However, I decided to go with it.
I came to college to get an education.
Even though I’m not doing so well,
I am still getting educated.
(He slaved, he slaved,
he did this his whole life,
Man how he just wanted to get it right,
But he couldn't because of his pain,
He suffered so much with pain,
again and again,
He could never win,
My heart is waterproof, but they say blood is thicker then water. I'm thirsty but you've ran out, and I'm left here with the cold blood pumping from my heart to my veins... The blood is leaking from where you left your remains...
I'll tell my story
You tell yours
I don't know what will happen beyond here
Whether my eyes will remain dry
Whether I'll need a place to hide
If I will meet the sky
If I will pass and rise
