You were beauty and you were madness in both of their truest forms.

I loved you and I liked you until the fated day came when you crushed me under your heel like putting out a cigarette butt.

The feelings I used to reserve for you are now spread around to things like puppies and my succulent named Henry since you left.

Leaving you behind felt like I was taking one step forward and one hundred steps backwards. But I know that every day I go on missing you is another day I am closer to healing and happiness.

How people can be so terrible I will never know. You remind me of my mother, how after it is all said and done I question if you ever loved me at all.

I always said you would be a wonderful Marius in Les Mis. Now I know you can act too.

You can act well enough to convince me, Eponine, that you loved me. When in reality you didn’t love me, you loved yourself. You loved yourself more than you could anyone else and that is what really crushed me.

You loved yourself more than you could ever fathom loving someone else, and that alone is what crushed me.

I’m not sure why I left you behind. I’m happy I did, but it is nights like these where I am left open at 1 in the morning sifting through the things my iPhone still wants to remind me of.

Scrolling left and right and in and out on tainted memories and disgusting smiles.

Every time I hit "delete" is another step closer to remembering how to live again.

Happiness, HERE I COME.

without you.