self-esteem
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Been a minute since I felt like Steve,
A longer minute, since I wrote like this.
Happy, is what I need,
Small, how I usually feel.
Been a minute since I felt like Steve,
A longer minute, since I wrote like this.
Happy, is what I need,
Small, how I usually feel.
Fat
That’s what they call me
As if I didn’t already know
As if the doctors hadn’t already given me the heartbreaking diagnosis
Again and again and again
Fat
So yes I am fat
And yes I am tall
There is something that weighs on my chest
Every night as I go to bed,
I have no way to distinguish
What I want, what I can ask for, and what I need.
There is something that aches in my chest
‘are you okay?’ they ask, and i reply,
‘really, why are you worried? i swear, i’m fine.’
but i know that i’m really not okay
that this is all a mask, a pretty face
Though I don’t always say much, at times I want to be heard.
Maybe if I felt more free, like a bird
Sometimes I feel pressure to please & serve everyone else on Earth
Make it stop. The rasping of my heart.
The uneven breathing that manages to escape.
I don’t like the dark.
As the rain slips from the roof, a soft pitter-patter.
I reach out my hand—emptiness, is that you?
For the girl who doesn't have everything...
You don't need to buy fancy clothes.
You don't need to be popular.
You don't need to have a lot of friends.
You don't need to fit in.
Lemons
My mother has never liked
the taste of lemons.
They are too sour,
displeasing.
That’s probably why she doesn’t like me.
To say you don't matter, the words
Pour from the mouth, lips frozen in a
Cold front of all things unkind.
Each syllable slides like ice,
Piercing,
While the memories unbearable are
Will you still be here, when my fingers fall to pieces?
Broken glass beneath my toes, a reminder of my own fate.
Will you still listen, when the words mean nothing?
All my life, fear has controlled me. The fear of not being successful, not being good enough, and disappointing the ones we love most.
Sometimes life isn't fair and sometimes life isn't sweet.
My shiny head makes people stare as I walk alone down the street.
No, you can't touch, don't you dare.
It's a sensitive topic, so I cover up with a sheet.
Thank you for this life
A life where shadows sing
Where losses are seen as gains
Where I can have a vision for everything
Thank you for this life
A life where notes can speak
If I was in a preppy white girl’s shoes…
Alright, got my eyeliner, mascara, red matte lipstick, glitter Germ-X.
Ok, Julie, its show biz. Puff up those blonde locks, make sure it gives the boys a shock.
They call me Medusa,
a monster forgotten; and here? No katharevusa.
The fickle-eyed ancient damned my life in a proxy fight;
jealous? Of what, the rape of an innocent acolyte?
The lust of a capricious potency,
Woman, Girl – Lift up!
For far too long your shoulders
have bent forward from the weight of
the despair of injustice, inequality,
mistreatment, ignorance,
devalue, degradation and disregard.
Next time I look in the mirror, I’m just gonna try to see me
Not some superficial image of who they want me to be.
If my eyes are deep dark brown, that’s what my momma gave me
If my lips are kind of full, well
I cannot stand this abuse;
I cannot be a bystander.
It doesn't take a genius to deduce
That you're worth more than this slander.
You are gorgeous.
You are powerful and stately.
Dear Younger Me,
You do not need your friends' approval to qualify as beautiful.
Just be you, that is really all that we are able to do.
Dear Self – Doubt,
How does it feel to betray the trust of someone who believed in you?
Perpetrating as a friend, a perfect someone to depend.
A trusted advisor, your logic a realistic perception of truth.
I once heard
That if you repeat something enough times
It loses its meaning
And before i heard it
I knew the principal
But never put it into words
Perfect
Perfect is a disease
That everyone is trying to achieve
No one is safe
And no one can hide from perfect
And it’s dreadful ways
Dear Self-Esteem,
You probably already know this
but you're very low.
You are basically the ground.
The gound I step on everyday.
I force myself to ignore you;
It's interesting how you look at me:
You nose turned up,
Your lips scowl.
Do I look funny?
Is it my hair?
Am I in my underwear?
What is so repulsing about me?
feel the music feel the music feel the music
i bet it doesn’t rip apart your heart
crawl up your throat
ruin your breath and choke your words
What perfect means to me
Is no perfection at all.
It means that you are clumsy,
You are loud,
You are quiet,
You are graceful.
It means that you are awkward,
You are simple,
Screaming and clawing,Anxiety wraps her in its shroudWhile jeering insecurity roughly grabs her face forcing her to look
Surrounded by laughs and smiles While I just listenOnly my ears are openSealed lips shut Words can’t be spoken
Whoever came up with the name America the Great, I would like to ask you what makes it so great?
The fact that it’s full of hate?
Thank you all for coming to Group tonight!My name is Griffin and I am……BlankNothingEmptyDevoidThese were what I thought.These were what I used to believe.These were what I was.
Beauty is a broken mirror.You try to pick up the piecesNot caring that the sharp edgesPierce your natural skin.The rough edges scar your body; They create jagged lines across something Already beautiful.
Who am I?
A question that has plagued for as I can recollect.
I'm African. I'm Indigenous. I'm European.
But who am I really?
In my youth I would yearn for you, this knowledge of self.
Paint me perfect on your wall.
Deep wine lips, erase the flaw.
Pearly white teeth that I have always hidden.
You’ll see a smile I view as forbidden.
He pours scalding water
over your wounds
boiling you from the outside in.
His words are poison soap
grating off layers of the world
He walks like he has some place to be,
hurried footsteps resounding through the empty hallways.
He keeps his head down, watches his feet, as if that will save him from stumbling.
Don't give up, it get's better.
Don't let those eyes get any wetter.
Don't beat yourself up or tear yourself down.
Don't give the world its saddest sound.
Don't let your mind lose itself.
I used to think things in the world were backwards.
I thought nature had gotten things wrong.
Like why shadows had to fall behind us.
At one point all I wanted to do was hide where no one could see me.
I watched the darkness;
dissolving, morphing, quickly
receding from the fruity light,
as if rejected medicine.
Left behind for an identical,
Sometimes you ask me why
Why did I ruin it?
That lovely skin that you never cared to mention
Was lovely.
You never cared to ask me why
I felt like the tears felt like they were running down my soul
How to Be Liked
Do not do as you're told.
Challenge authority - politely.
Respect others' boundaries.
Break all of your own.
Be interesting.
Have adventures.
Nothing special,
till you remember
when you were little
you held tarantulas like
others held hamsters
Ordinary,
till you remember
all the times
you drew
and made up
So what if they make fun of the way you talk
I think it's cute
So what if they make fun of the clothes you wear
I think it's stylish
So what if they make fun of your height
I think your height is perfect
Knowing you aren't good enough,
is the greatest pain.
You try your hardest,
you drive yourself insane,
but no matter what you do,
his thoughts remain the same.
You look in the mirror,
They say if I want to fit in
Than I should
Walk like them
Talk like them
Dress Like them
They say that beauty
I am the better side of darkness and the dim side of light.
I didn’t KNOW my blackened heart had a sense of what was right.
Your hair may look a little dumb,
When did you last pick up a comb?
However, if that's just your style,
It's no reason for exile.
When will you stop all that fear,
Don’t save
Not this
Not these words
They aren’t worth the space
Start over
This time you’ll get it right
Nope that’s not it
Pipe? Ripe? Kite maybe? No.
You’re dumb…
They say
“It doesn’t happen here, we’re different.”
FLASHBACK TO
A 5th grader on a bus, while they all gossip of the boys
GoPro cameras and Selfie Sticks, our ancestors would be horrified.
But it doesn’t matter because fabricated images, and fraudulent stories are glorified.
What’s wrong with putting your best self out there?
Myself: who am I?
Should that be a question or an affirmation?
Who I am... is wonderful.
I cannot be anyone but myself.
It is funny to wake up every morning being the same person...
An eighteen year old girl should not have to be surrounded
An eighteen year old shouldn’t need to drown in their thoughts
A person should never be consumed
My friend is no longer my friend
I am a goddess
A creation so divine that - galaxies will swirl in my veins- black and blue like a brusie so freshly wrought that the tinges of purple seem to darken the hues
I’m not one who has an alter ego,a lie people create when they’re feeling shallow,an ideal to covet and try to uphold,when in reality they are much less bold.
I am flawless because I have flaws,
I am flawless because I work hard.
I am flawless because I have weaknesses,
I am flawless because I don't discard.
I hold onto my emotions, my appearance,
Who am I? That is the question...
I walk around, in a ghost town, in a world were I feel unheard,
"Nobody is perfect" is what I hear, yet we all strive for perfectiion.
When I look in the mirror, I see what I see,
my desires have driven me to blind true reality.
How can I tell if my soul has progressed?
Doors without locks
Windows glued shut
One Zoloft by day
Insomnia by night
My week in a mental hospital
After I tried to make it all go away
Don't tell me I'm okay
He sits on the bench grasping his ticket
he looks at the train schedules and sees that his train is not due for a long while.
he looks out the window through the thicket
and sees no one, not even a single smile.
As I look into the mirror, what on earth do I see?
I see an ugly woman staring back at me?
All the time, people sit there and tell me I’m cute
But on the inside, towards myself I feel hateful, and confused
Put me together and pull me apart
Dissect my insides and play with my heart
Stiches will mend, and stiches will show
The part of me you probably don't want to know.
The light in her eyes fade
The shimmering in her eyes, now as black as coal
No meager words can be found to describe how her heart aches
This agony. This wretchedness. This torment.
Is it money?
Is it to love?
Is it to be loved?
Is it fame?
Or is it just to appreciate
life as it is.
Life is full of possibilities
and despair
A dark day begins as clouds cover the sky
My heart slowly burns and starts to dry
I thought I had my life planned out
So I could catch my dream
But now I must start over and choose a different string
In the beginning there was the World, HE and I.
The World was vast and forgiving and I was happy.
V Doubt
O Fills every corner of my mind
I Whispers
I Dark words of unending peril. Failure
I Hope
Dragon Slugs
Shakespeare said expectation is the cause of all heartache that’s just simply not true
There is no cause of heartache; it is truly unavoidable, expectations or not
Of all the dreams I dreams
I think about my self-esteem
It might me high, it might be low
Just talk to me, so at least you’ll know
It's all about the money,
It's all about the popularity.
I don't think I fit in with it.
Don't want to be a part of it.
I tried I couldn't handle it,
I took my pride and I ran with it.
When my parents tell me
And my teachers agree and all my friends join
In their praises I can almost believe that
I've done enough.
Or better yet that I'm good enough but only
Almost.
Is it okay,
To feed off of someone’s insecurities?
To tell them shut up so often that they are afraid to speak out?
To make them want to crawl into a corner and hide?
Is it okay,
It's a broken Hallelujah that reigns over my lips,
Singing praises to something I can't prove exists.
They're like tape,
Holding me together while confining the mind I really want to speak.
Some people refuse to acknowledge the limitlessness of their beauty.
An indicator of this type of person is the recalcitrance of their shackled acquisition
I'm back, but I'm falling apart
I'm back, but I'm lacking the heart,
That I need to keep movingAnd what do I think I'm proving? Starving for attentionReceiving it in the form of tension,
Had a high self-esteem
And so it was beaten down
I thought that in my trade i was supreme
And now I feel myself drown
I have been felled for the first time
And many more times to come
My love is deep for ever and everMy love is real can survive any weatherMy love is pure something so smoothMy love is nuturing some what like foodMy Love is loyal
Nothing is perfect and I don’t want it to be
But somethings on me may need to be tweaked
You said I wasn’t good enough,
It became my doctrine,
I conceived and gave birth to your lies;
The mental toxins,
Low self esteem living in my life rent free,
Afraid of being made fun of and how they tease,
welcome to the world, darling. here's a list of expectations:you must turn yourself into the perfect temptation.the general population is counting on you,they'll be watching and judging everything that you do.
One person - that is All I am -
The Water welcomes me in
But I refuse to be Pulled under
Refuse - to be thought of as nothing
I may be One person -
I will go above the expectations - set for me
Looking in the mirror again,
Remind my-self to see.
The person looking through to me,
Is more than just skin deep.
"My, my, aren't you a cute darling!"I show my crooked teeth in a grin;it catalyzes a chain reaction in the crowd.Everyone seems to say the same thing,and nobody suspects how I don't believe them.
Numbers and sizes
do not
can not define you.
They could never show a beautiful
heart, soul, or mind.
Stretch marks, acne, or birthmarks
can’t show
the type of person you are.
Wonder what it's like in the public eye.
Everyone knowing everything,
No secrets Whatsoever,
Judging stares; hateful words.
Wonder what it's like to always have a front.
To be what others want,
I have a relationship with the sun.I have been growing upward.The roots I have, came from the currents and the moon.And still I grow.I grow stronger with each eclipse.I grow calmer with every sunrise.
Love can never forget
Relationship will never regret
A special day for you and me
A special one cannot see
To the sound of your voice on my neck,
the warm of your lips on my cheek
"Don't have a big head, the world doesn't revolve around you."
There's no I in team, that's all that I knew.
There are people that are starving, homless and broke.
But that's only in movies, it was only a joke.
There she goes, falling
Down into the unconquerable abyss
Lost inside herself
There’s no escaping
The terrible monsters that live in her soul
They lurk in the looming blackness
I believe in harsh standards
I believe that all females should look the same.
Females should not have hips
Female's ribs should be exposed.
If females are as thin as a rail,
They are the ones I display.
Where footprints in single file
Where hearts not in denile
Where rose's petals fall
The Emerald braced for Finale
to revenge son's fatality
My mask is tight.
I cannot breathe it is so tightly constricting.
It itches,more than the sand that wedges itself between a person’s cheeks at the beach.
Never did I think someone elses words would effect me
But repititon left its mark
Looking in the mirror is a constant reminder of how worthless I am
There's not a day that went by that I didn't shed a tear
She wants it within herself....peace
Because she can't get it from nobody else
looking in the mirror seeing someone big and fat
but she purges and binge so how come she see that
What do you see when you look at me
Is it my body?
My curves, my fine physique
Now look me in my eyes and tell me what do you see.
A girl with low self-esteem and insecurities
Why can't I be smart like those that I see?Before I told myself--you have your own strengths you must not flee.
You sat alone every first day of school and hoped, no, prayed that no one sat next to you.
And when they did, you ignored them; it wasn’t long before they said hello, but you had already put your earphones in.
Hi, my name is Lauren Lehman, I'm an ambitious poet from the South Florida Metropolitan Area..
I began writing poetry to help cope with traumatic events that I've overcome in my past.
You Turn me into something that never existed,
Your personal shape-shifter has no control.
I've never realized how much I've been committed,
To your necessities that seem to be your inevitable goal.
Sick severed lipsHolding my bare hips.Like Achilles heel,The emotional appeal is severed.
And though I have no brainI can't really complainOf the wonders in the skyAnd how high I can go.
~thoughts of pain,self inflicted
~so weak and tired
~barely having the will to lift my head
~i almost give in,
~i almost cave
~i wanted to curl up and die
~but i dont
~i cry myself to sleep
I look at into the mirror
At my clean face,
Preparing to paint on the
Exterior what everyone expects to see.
I start with my skin;
The record of my aging.
I take my foundation and
By Chanda Bynum
I see this girl
And she is a girl with straightforward eyes and blank expressions.
The Maker has sculpted curvaceous hips and thighs into her gene pool
She stares..She stares at her reflection, studies her own face as a stranger. Almost as a new born child seeing her face for the first time. Her skin worn and dry from all the years of living, her eyes caved in with bags of age tugging on them.
What is beauty?
Well if I were to give the simplest definition I’d say you.
What is beauty?
Its 2013 and nothing has changed.
I sit with my homies and brothers ever estranged.
Watching all these people looking at us as if we are to blame.
Its 2013 and nothing has changed.
Music is for the broken whose will has been abandoned and suicidal thoughts have nested.
So quick to contemplate death.
Instead a track plays to vibe with the heart and mend the mind to health.
It’s not entirely too cold out today andI take comfort in the fact that if I told you to come over right now;you would come over, right now.
nature of self-esteem
is the value we place ourselves
confidence in our ability
to think
confidence helps cope
with challenges of life
confidence in our right
I am drawn towards two different things,
a battle
of knowledge and heart,
in which I am losing.
The struggle of maintaining both only hurts.
But do I care if I am judged cruely?
I’ll Never Be Her
The one with the luscious hair
Shoulders lining up to her waist
The flirty yet smart one
The ditzy one everyone help
The one that’s right but nice
The kind that never gets misplaced
I step away, As he slowly approaches, Hidden out of his sight. Evil he has come to do… But I must do right. I will just wait here, If he does not see me first, My heart is beating, I’m about to burst!
I step away,
As he slowly approaches,
Hidden out of his sight.
Evil he has come to do…
But I must do right.
I will just wait here,
If he does not see me first,
My heart is beating,
My mind is a prison
The prisoner locked inside the cell
is me
Why you may ask
because i can't gain control
so i lose it every time
and when the control is lost
the pain takes over
Ezioqwu is my alter ego.
More importantly, he’s what I need when I need it.
He is my armor.
He protects me from falling prey to prejudice.
Ezioqwu is amicable.
He’s always telling me that my opinion matters.
Growing up with a father,Blinded by his own pain,I became the parent;His shelter from constant rain.Dried up his tears,Floods only became clouds.I couldn't help him like I wanted.I let him down.
Here I sit, ah this black chalice
so alone, and silence embracing my
every thought,every emotion.
Why live if you’re not going to be doing something that supplies your happiness
Why live if you’re going to be questioned of why you choose to do what you do
Hahahah you're hilarious!
You thought this note was about how
You broke some girl's heart!
Comedy gold.
This is coming from a place you shut off long ago.
Leave my Body Broken, I'd Rather Focus on More Important Things
Keep my Words Hidden and my Meanings Skewed.
They Mean More that Way.
I know that
When you’re alone
In the middle
Of the night
And you want someone
To hold you
And tell you
That everything’s
Gonna be alright,
That I could be
That person
For you,
That she is me
Her hair glistening in the sunlight
Making red and gold out of the brown
Her legs white as clouds
Becoming the shade that fits her perfectly
Her stretch marks splayed on inner thighs
I have something on my chest
That is clouding up my mind.
What if we overlook everything
Without taking the time,
to realize where we went wrong,
the things we do or say.
At the site of death we are sicken until we bite our tongues,
screaming at the anger that coats us in pain,
and as are eyes become blood shot red we are fighting to decide
I'm small.
And I've got kinks,
in my hair,
in my spirit.
I'm small and I'm odd.
My mind developed a bit differently;
it was both constrained and released,
"I could never make art."
They all say something different, but that's how it starts.
I'm not good enough, it don't look right,
I know this 'cause I've been there.
We all have - been there. You just don't know.
Of the darkness
emerging from
our souls, beyond
threshold of
the black mire
falling
headfirst
into the pits
dying, our souls
Lately all we do is fight, can’t seem to get it right.
Why should we pretend we’re more than friends?
Can’t you see it’s hard for me?
Trusting you is what I do.
Seems like all you want is to hurt me.
I don't know what to do.
You don't look at me,
The same way I look at you.
I don't know what to do.
To think it had only begun,
And already, we're through.
I don't know what to do.
Challenged with it all my life.
The kids laughing,
the kids talking.
Enemies and friends alike.
she silently stares at the monsters under her bed
chin resting on the knees she has pulled to her chest,
eyes as empty as the rhythmic heart beating—
out of obligation—
between her ribs.
Lavish lies conceal flattering false prophets
Under a guise that is layers deep
A ritualistic routine of self masocation
Of emotional measures physicality intact
Progressing and digressing
I wish you could see you as I see you,
So for a little bit, let me break through,
Through walls of stubborn mortar and hard brick,
I promise you I will be very quick.
The Hope,
It sits there.
Right there.
Trapped.
The Hope,
Is yelled at,
Is tugged at,
Yet it sits there.
Right there.
Waiting.
Sadness floats around me
Hovering
Always with me.
Like mist,
It creeps over me
Settles down and suffocates me.
The fog of depression hides the sight of happiness.
The shadows are dark,
Sometimes I despise people
when their eyes are cheerful
And they smile around me
it feels like they are teasing me
because I am always alone
Well it's better than being just another clone
To the clouds, hawk says,
"You are what I dreamed to have!
My soft and white bed!"
darkness the scary and dark place
being afraid of something that's not there
it may be concealed in the blanket of night
doesnt mean its bad
I feel these emotions
They come in waves
I breathe thick fury
This hateful rage
It turns around
Pulling me out of the deep
Offering me a hand
Pulling me back on my feet
I know it wont last
Never been on top
Never been good enough
Had a couple of blessings
But I never had good luck
Always underestimated
Nobody believed in me
But I see why because
I was never in the lead
They say that the grass is always greener on the other side,
But let me tell you that is a lie, because the grass is always greener where it's watered.
Numb is
always my
emotion
I've become
so bland
nothing
effects me
anymore
I only cry
to know
I'm still
alive and
because I
know they're
right.
The rain splashes down, seeping into the thirsty earth.
Cars swerve with tension as the drivers cringe in apprehension.
Am I too weak to say something, but too strong that I may break them?
I am too scared to show them my skin.
My mind is blurred by the images of doubt.
By their stupid ways. Why?
These hands delve into the ground to remake what I once found
When I was better and my conscience was light as a feather
I made this as empty as I feel, but now I'm not alone
I am a weight eroding those
I padlocked the miles so distance could be kept
In a vault where nothing of value could be dreamt
Can you slam my fingers in a metal door
Till they crunch and I can't touch
No not anymore
For some reason they like to hold us back.
Even though they seem to have the control, we are probably our strongest.
I've never felt so strong, beaten down to one finger on a rope.
I've probably never had so much hope...
I live in a dollhouse
Where the Barbie's are five feet tall
And their pretty pink dresses
Resemble summer's fall.
Get away from me.
I don't want you to visit again.
Last time nearly killed me.
The pain; the crying.
The worthlessness.
I have no strength to continue.
Alone at the piano,
Tears track my face,
As my fingers a melody trace
In the dark.
Light
That is all I ever asked
The stars are receding
And I have failed my task
I wonder
I wonder
What did I fail to do?
A dark hole called home, but it's not even mine.
Not living only existing, no hope, no worth, dealing with what I've been dealt.
Keep it all inside, the words inside my mouth. We'll all be the same, lying in the dirt.
Remember when you caught me
Bleeding in my bed
Hands and face the deepest shade of red
And I was floating
Through those stars that you call eyes
That are brighter than the sunrise and
I've wandered into the morbid side of life and I don't plan on coming back.
You can chase me all you want, but you'll just get hurt in this dark place.
It kills anything positive.
But I don't have to worry,
I'm riding in a car with people I just met,
Realizing that my mind is so far away from theirs.
I look around outside the car window seeing the life I live in,
While questioning the thoughts that are going through my head.
I wake up but keep my eyes closed.
I just lay there in my bed.
Seems like everyday is the same,
I hear the same old story playing over and over in my head.
I’ve been broken down and restored
Set back
Been attacked since the day I was conceived inside my mother’s womb
Attacked by gallons of liquor bottles,
Making me kick within my mother’s belly,
What is a best friend?, I ask
I can sit and ponder all day,
But I can't pretend the thought doesn't last,
Someone I can confide in, lean on, laugh, and cry,
It's something, a feeling, that most people would die
Through the glass,
she sees a person she hates.
A big pile of ugly mass;
a twisted game of fate.
The person never forgives and never loves;
a person unfamiliar with kisses and hugs.
The ugly personality
Sing me into the Sunlight,
Take me away from the dark.
Take my hand, and lead me away from this place.
It’s my own fault I’m here, anyway…
I know a place where all is still
It's by a lake behind a hill
And though to find, it's quite a trek
It's a lighthouse when you're about to wreck
Tell me, have you ever had to lie?
Have you ever had to cry?
Have you ever fought for approval of your peers?
Have you ever tried to fight your fears?
If you have, it’s okay. I will catch your tears.
Of the darkness
emerging from
our souls, beyond
threshold of
the black mire
falling
headfirst
into the pits
dying, our souls
Normal... it's such a strange thing
With its hum-drum ring
That makes you want to wheel it into a hospital wing and just let it die
Mirror mirror on the wall,
Who is the fairest of them all?
With all these noises and TV lies,
I fail to see with worldly eyes.
For You I have changed my ways
I have gone from that nice little girl to someone older in age.
For You I have turned my back on all things that sing
A sudden fear approaches
As foot steps draw near
Tears release from pain
And words of lash at my heart
The monsters want me dead
But I keep fight...
To find a light in this
Forever Nightmare
Empty within compare,
Lost within despair,
Alone always alone,
And that's what I've always known.
Why is no one answering my cries?
I lash out in hopes that someone will notice,
But all that responds is never-ending silence.
Music used to be my perfect muse…
Now it doesn’t even offer me comfort.
I can't see the future but I can't dare look at the past.
I told myself I was done and this was the last.
I can't handle the pain!
The guilt or the blame.
But I can't escape this life.
This toughness and rage.
I lost my mama one cold fierce night. Thinking she would return to her daughter might. I cry everyday i was just a little girl, out in the cold freezing world. things started changing, people dont remain the same, they are not true their word.
Here's to the girl that never feels good enough
The girl that felt alone and hated herself
To the girl that doesn't have as much money as others
Who's messed with at school for not having the newest Adidas
I tried loving you, you tried feeling me
I tried reaching out, you tried pulling in
I tried to make it work; you had to break it first
I tried to be free, you tried to chain me
I tried to fly, you took my sky
Running numb
Blind to the path in front of her
Crushing everything she's been taught
It's not fair...
There's a prettier place where women can smile
These four walls hold me in
Blank and bare, so naked, I stare
The dimmed light from the screen
Makes a
Glow.
A dull glow because it is dark, past 11.
(poems go here) I am an individual.
A rolley polley like, nervous creature
but an individual none the less.
And though I may sing and speak in a whisper tone,
my insides are crawling with life.
In my time of need, words rushed me
Incoherent and strangled words
Fearful and swarming in my mind
So I took them into my hand
And stuffed them into my pocket
They became scattered and sullied
They tell her she isn't as alone as she thinks
But they never lived everyday alone as her
Unable to form real relationships with people
Because of her fear of rejection
With only her thoughts to tempt her
Sturdy and strong,
From the outside nothing could go wrong,
Crumbling on the inside, this tower
So tall and so bold
Colorful yet vague
As it watches and stares at all that pass by,
Rainy days, sunny days,
Brighter than the suns strong smile
Her eyes have been searching for miles.
Miles to go, miles to go*, oh how she wished she’d know.
Never stopping to take a breath,
Please forgive me, I know I'm nothing to be proud of
One awful monster created out of an act of love
The irony is often too much to take
I am sorry for being the worst mistake
The sky is clear, but in this cage it is hard to notice. This cage that constricts me from seeing beyond the bars is unbearable, and I am unable to set myself free.
Over in a moment
Death is nothing to be feared;
Life, love, and everything else
Is a tragedy for the mind.
Masked from all light, hidden in plain sight
His outside appearance is fake, with interference
From his brain, he hears it, dazed with incoherence
The boy afraid to try, shrouded by fright.
Welcome to the Mistake Factory
We stake ‘em
We bake ‘em
We shake ‘em
We even sell ‘em too
We send ‘em
We bend ‘em
We bind ‘em
We grind ‘em
And then we sing a long loud YABBA DABBA DOO!
What's real in this masquerade called life?
Behind these masks
Underneath the painted on smiles
I am from ashes
from shards and legendary rebirth.
I am from darkness beneath moon's shadow
lonely, silent,
it feels like snow.
I am from the world's remains,
the dark abyss
Where there is hope, there's hatred,
Where there is love, there's regret,
Through it all we learn only to survive by loving ourselves.
I. CONVICTION
Littered street corners
blend with the falling snow
like ash against skin
Their chants ring in my ears
as the cold air clings
and my skin burns.
The strength of a man is his arms
that protect you and keep you warm.
It is his caring ways
of the affection that he displays.
Raindrops fall like a child’s tears
Very few of them being useful
I watch the worms struggle
Scrape their bellies upon the concrete
Pleased with their cleverness
For having survived the flood
She's so ambitious, with the biggest dreams
Her cheekbones are blushed pink and red mixed
The standards of her life are set so high but
Only thing standing in her way is her big bounty
When you laugh, the wind blows
The wind starts singing
When I cry, the rain flows
The rains start flowing
Flowing towards you
Like the end of a good morning
The beginning of a bad night
It is all said with silence
Although no words are spoken, a million words are heard
Words of disappointment, shame and failure
Words that ignite discouragement and extinguish pride
I contend not with men and their rhetoric, but with self and its defiance to the greatness that is alive in me.
