Fat

That’s what they call me

As if I didn’t already know

As if the doctors hadn’t already given me the heartbreaking diagnosis

Again and again and again

Fat

So yes I am fat

And yes I am tall

And yes I am generally in some stage of giving up but I am more than just skin

But for that matter I am still skin

More skin than you even

I have mountains of flesh disguised by baggy clothes and layered fabrics

It is soft

And smooth

And often times smells of summer citrus

Or sandalwood

Depending on the season

And the seeds I have planted for the evening

I am not embarrassed of the scars

Or the folds

Or the shades of color and beauty marks gifted to me by Father Time.

Perhaps it would make it easier for you if I were though.

Embarrassed.

More afraid of being too big to fit in the cookie cutter cabinet of your life

But growing up fat I got used to the looks

And the sneers

And the comments under not-so-quiet whispers

And yes it hurt

For many years it hurt

And I hurt

And we cried

But no good comes from changing for someone else

No good love is rooted in impossible expectations for a future

So I let them go

And vowed to never vivisect my skin again

No matter how happy he makes me

But today someone called me beautiful

And they really meant it

It wasn’t solicited

Or coerced

Or given out of pity

It was a declaration

An observation

An announcement from their heart that they found this body beautiful

And it took me all day to believe them

It took me all day to believe that they actually meant it

And I can’t believe it took me so long

And I can’t believe I was ever that broken

And I refuse to ever let someone convince me that this body

This skin

Should be anything but loved