it gets better
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took a journey starting yesterday
It started on the phone
A car
A hospital
A bed
And ended with “goodbye”
sometimes it feels like I am screaming underwater;my words are just bubbles of gasping air.then I look around
The only consistency I have is the blunt that’s in rotation to myself. I look fine but in the inside fine is not how i felt. I’m stuck in a cycle of wanting to love with a love that for some reason isn’t given back to me.
You began as a single raindrop into my existenceAt first the presence of you was quiet and unseenAs your small stream flowed into my cracksYou were a stranger to meBut the innocence within my spirit
You began as a single raindrop into my existenceAt first the presence of you was quiet and unseenAs your small stream flowed into my cracksYou were a stranger to meBut the innocence within my spirit
It has been 5 years
60 months
1825 days
with Type 1 Diabetes
it's not always easy
people stare and comment
as you poke, prick, and inject yourself
embarrassment
Dear Past Me,
Depending on when you read this, you could be one of many things.
You could be young and bright,
Filled to the brim with life,
How can it be love
When the girl you say
You love
Is afraid to speak her mind?
How can it be love
When you say you love me
Vibrate in the air,
suffocate my ears,
blind my eyes,
and blur my mind,
dive into the haze.
Don’t be dazed,
it’s clear as day,
mind aligned,
and sight revived.
The last time the leaves turned orange
I didn’t take notice
Because I was too busy being sad
And crying myself to sleep at night
And wondering why
The outside looking in
Inside the world that one wants to leave
Leave so bad but cannot do
Do to her family, her friends
Dear Dad,
I am not emotionally charged right now, so I figure it would be a good time to start this.
resilient
resilent me,
like a bouncing ball
one world to another,
down every street-
bouncing
bouncing
I can run at top speed,
at the drop of a hat
block out loud sounds-
I Was... Sorrow
I Was... Self Hate
I Was... Without Love
I Was... Suicidal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Am... Survival
I Am... Without Hate
I Am... Self Love
I Am... Alive
The first time I was bullied I was in elementary school
"freak,"
"weirdo,"
"loser,"
they would call me
So I ran to the teacher, tears burning my eyes
She told me to get over it
If you had stayed away
I might have made it
Through all the twisting turns of adolescence
A little bruised and bloody,
But mostly unscathed.
But if you had stayed away,
I wouldn't know how to fight.
To the worrisome little girl I was:
Things will fall into place.It’ll take time.Tears will be cried.But things will fit together again,Even if they’re all broken now.
Gravity seems compelled to affect my tears alone.
I'm suspended above the crowd that will always judge me.
They see me as falling,but I'm stuck in the air--
My knuckles white,
My hair frayed,
My teeth clenched,
I am afraid.
Wandering around streets of million dollar houses I spin in circles,
I'm terrified.
But I am ready.
In this little town it's not celebrated
but being different is the best thing you can be.
If you'd go to this school you'd see a bunch of the same.
Who wants to be a clone?
I was bullied for being different here
Subside the animal,
Slaughter the dangerous pest.
Leave only the innocent,
And abandon the rest.
Creep on the wicked,
And swallow them whole.
Reinstate the sunshine,
And forget the dull.
Why can't you hear me ?
Am I not loud enough
Don't you hear my thoughts
Striking the sides of my mind with such brutal force
Telling me that a slippery slope is the quickest way down
Every night, I cried, I died inside just a little every night. Every night no one cared, no one dared to ask how I felt, every night. Every night I stared at my scared riddled arms, doing myself harm, every night.
laying ont the ground, shaking
i'ts a silent, dead kind of shake
we all know that feeling when you're so done and you just cant handle it anymore
when thinking becomes a murderer and slowly kills you
Breathe and remember that we are here for a reasonMaybe the scars show that we have been through hardships in lifeBut in a while, you'll see that you are here for a reason.
Live not with your eyes blind,
Or with your heart enclosed.
Don’t believe the whole world is unkind,
Nor that all hope is lost.
