BEFORE

I am overtaken with anxieties.

It is never serious, but it is always crippling.

Whenever I hold, touch, feel, something

anything,

I have to wash my hands wash my hands wash my hands wash my hands.

My hands twitch whenever someone is near me,

and I am constantly wondering

what if they look at me look at me look at me look at me.

Look at me bent over the toilet again because my lips are bleeding

but the texture of chapstick,

it makes me sick it makes me sick it makes me sick it makes me sick.

It makes me sick to stay in bed all day.

When I do I constantly worry about the things I might miss

and the things I might lose the things I might lose the things I might lose the things I might lose.

The things I might lose are too important to me and even though

I don’t know what they are I still always remember

to lock the door lock the door lock the door lock the door lock the door.

Lock the door to save my heart my heart my heart my heart.

My heart is so afraid of falling in love.

 

AFTER

I am overtaken in him.

It is so serious, life is no longer crippling.

Whenever I hold, touch, feel,

the softness of his skin against mine,

I don’t have to wash my hands wash my hands wash my hands wash my hands.

My hands stop twitching when he is near me,

and I am constantly hoping

that he will look at me look at me look at me look at me.

Look at me, with his lips constantly against mine

because he takes away the nausea

even when I’m sick I’m sick I’m sick I’m sick I’m sick

I’m sick of having to get out of bed and leave his side.

Every time I am not with him I want to go back home

so much that I do not lock the door lock the door lock the door lock the door.

Lock the door anymore or protect my heart my heart my heart my heart.

My heart is so happy to always let his love in.