' 'anxiety
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I fell in love with the sky because
no matter when i would look up
no matter what the weather was
the sky would always bring me to a familiar place
Well times have changed.....
I grew sad
Anxiety reignsBut it is normal in lifeStress won't finish me
You should feel no shamebeing scared is part of lifejust don't let them win
a new relationship is supposed to make you happy
a new relationship is supposed to be the start of something wonderful
a new relationship is supposed to be exciting
I don't know why i'm like this
I never knew the cause.
I'm so cold and shaky
But now, at only 13, anxiety has swallowed me in its big jaws.
The stairs
The looks
The blank expressions.
I feel the eyes on me,
I feel watched,
I feel judged,
I feel scared,
I feel silly,
I feel paranoid
HOW
After all these years
After all these fucking years
HOW
Do I still feel the same
HOW
After all these years
After all these fucking years
NOTHING
Nothing has changed
The wind drowns me
I'm gasping for a breath of fresh air
wheezing
as if im in an ocean so deep I can't see the light
it's dark
should I let the air leave me
let myself go
The wind blows
butterflies flutter inside
a grotesque mash of unnecessary fears
arisng with a single murmur
prepared to tear away all composure
a psychological smoothie
with a powerful punch
being trapped in your mind is lonely
stalagmites of daily anxieties
towering, rising higher than the murky fog
blocking out escape, amending your fate.
cesspools of agony, longing to desecrate
Anxiety:
Hands shaking, thoughts swarming, breath not reaching; just breathe, just breathe.
I can’t get it out of my head, it’s like a hurricane up there.
Am I alright?
I'm having one of those days
Where every insult I can tell myself
Is rolling around in my head
I'm not smart enough
I'm not capable
At 16 I diagnosed myself with mental pain
since then nothing was the same
I prayed to god everynight just to keep me sane.
At the age of 17 my pillow was my bestfriend
i dont feel okay, not anymore. matter of facti dont feel. everyhting is numb.
i dont feel sad, happy. i dont cry anymore, but when i do, i break and shatter.
i dont smile anymore, but when i do, i glow and beam.
i dont feel okay, not anymore. matter of facti dont feel. everyhting is numb.
i dont feel sad, happy. i dont cry anymore, but when i do, i break and shatter.
i dont smile anymore, but when i do, i glow and beam.
i dont feel okay, not anymore. matter of facti dont feel. everyhting is numb.
i dont feel sad, happy. i dont cry anymore, but when i do, i break and shatter.
i dont smile anymore, but when i do, i glow and beam.
my shoes on the ground
step inside them
be me.
feel me.
hate me.
love me.
feel what i feel
let me flow through your veins
feel my terror
feel my hatred
feel my sadness
my shoes on the ground
step inside them
be me.
feel me.
hate me.
love me.
feel what i feel
let me flow through your veins
feel my terror
feel my hatred
feel my sadness
I'm feeling anxious
and I can't stop. it comes in waves
that crash over me
and pull me in the
riptide. I can barely surface
to breathe. I can feel the oxygen
slowly leaking out
Life will be good
And I'll be free
From the hurt and the pain
That had a hold over me
Won't push people away
I stand in front of the ivory-rimmed mirror
Wrapped in a towel, water dripping from my hair
I drop the towel and look at my skinny self
Not enough –
Not clear enough skin, not bright enough eyes
It can be fun
I can be fun
Then it starts
I spiral
All these people around me--laughing, enjoying
Me, in my own mind
I feel so isolated.
Part of the group but not really
Hey! I'm your fear.
Yeah I've always been here.
You may not have noticed. But trust me I'm here
I'm here through that first and last day of school
The shaking from head to toes,
the drug demeaning, the depth of the hollow bones.
It keeps you staring into oblivion,
Every step, Every breath, They chase you, Sudden death
Is this it? We wonder, We cant know, We hide
The glass-like void of silence fills our veins
As we listen to the cries of our brains
My anxiety is a mobile phone on silent mode
It keeps buzzing silently everytime someone says hello
Or tries to initiate a conversation
Only after they leave
I have anxiety
Not the classic shaking and hyperventilating anxiety
The “I’m scared”
The “Something bad is going to happen”
The “I’m dying”
I’ve become a master of breaking my own heart
With simple thought
hopes and dreams
that I set myself
knowing it is impossible to reach
I will never reach or accomplish them
I will never go
Covering myself in the atrocities of every human, plant, and animal, I could think of myself no more rotten, no less than putrid.
I invite you to gently feel the faint mist of dawn dust your face with dew.
Feel the heavy warmth as the sun breaks the horizon and casts its
shadows across the canvas of earth.
She was told she was different.
She was told she was an “abomination to God.”
She got dumped by her girlfriend.
She has a broken heart.
My bones, leaves on the trees of a windy autumn morning
My stomach, fluttering, ready to fly away, leaving me behind
My heart, a train pounding down the tracks
Everybody wants to be a god.
God! I would ruin everything.
Everything that I touch,
Touches of chaos on earth.
Earth becomes still,
Still I continue to destroy.
Destroying love and hope,
Not proud to say
Just telling the truth
Accepting my flaw
Detached as hell
I'm like air
I could be hot
I could be cold
It's a dark in here. I can't see clearly.
I think I steped on something sharp... I don't know if I'm bleeding.
Do you think there are snakes? I don't want to get hurt.
Wait, I think I see light!
Look readers,
I'm breathing but not living.
Day by day
My mind is in pain.
My mind is in hell.
Anxiety and depression have no room in the showcase.
The show must go on.
"it is imperative that we, modern-beings, remember the mythicalities from long ago,
from the demi-Gods to the creatures with those halos"
reflecting with some friends regarding these old fables
Shaking, breathless, stumbling.
Shaking hands on a keyboard.
Feet tapping the ground.
Anticipating the failure that is yet to come.
Click, start, initialize.
New variable.equals (new life)
Set name perfect
Wait backspace, never too soon to possess
Delete, never too soon for success
I call it the blockade.
One seemingly impossible to surpass,
All efforts terminated,
All that is left is frustration.
Panic.
For what’s the point of trying,
When nothing changes?
What do you want to study?
What do you want to be?
What do you want to study?
Where will your path lead?
When they start to ask these questions,
I knew what lied ahead
So I chained my feet to the ground
Refusing to travel to that place
But it was inescapable
The world ripped me away
dear, anxiety
it’s so weird that you have a name now
I use to always think that’s just how humans lived on
once upon a time
i showed my age by holding up this many
i wanted to be an astronaut or a doctor
i was afraid of everything
but had an unwavering curiosity.
I look back to my youth
My pride, joy, confidence
Like a bullet proof suit
Now I stay in the confines of my room
1
2
3
4
Walls containing my pain
But when, when did it all change
I used to go through life Thinking it would be easier To always to be quiet, say yes And be a people pleaser. Though I thought it worked for some time It felt like smooth sailing Little did I know My own personality was failing, To grow, to blosso
