Microscopic

I knew what lied ahead

So I chained my feet to the ground

Refusing to travel to that place

But it was inescapable

 

The world ripped me away 

Forcing me to grow up

When all I wanted was to stay there

Where I didn’t have the weight of the world 

Upon my shoulders

 

I waited and waited

But the world was waiting too

And quickly grew impatient

Choosing for me 

Silencing my voice

 

It was not my choice

To grow up

 

I resisted with all my strength

Not willing to just move on 

Like the world expected me to

 

But the world pushed me further

Adding more and more weight to my shoulders

Dragging me along

Taking all I was

And morphing me into someone 

I did not know

 

The weight poured in

Compressing my soul

I felt heavier

And heavier

And by the time I caught my breath

I could barely move

 

This weight made me powerless

My thoughts didn’t matter

The world was in command

Always giving me orders

On how to exist

 

The weight didn’t leave

Continuing to bury me

And eventually, I started to suffocate

 

I was trapped

Without anyone there to unbury me

Pinned under this weight

That had grown so dense

I doubted I’d ever escape

 

I tried to unbury myself

Too many times to count

But it only ended

With an avalanche

Burying me much deeper than before

 

So I turned inward

Trying to unbury my heart

By digging into my skin

Creating little holes for air

And little holes for light

Temporary moments where I felt a little free

 

This was the only way to survive

And the only way to stop from suffocating

Not enough air to escape

But just enough to breathe

 

Though

There was one night

That I dug and dug inside my skin

Hoping for breath and for light

But no matter how deep I clawed

My lungs stayed empty

And my world dark

 

Instead of trying to make a sound

I knew no one would hear

Or searching for an exit

I knew didn’t exist

I lied there motionless

 

There was no escape

No room left to inhale

So I pressed one hand over my mouth

The other pinching my nose

And surrendered to the weight

Letting it erase my existence

 

The weight grew and grew

Slowly replacing me 

Taking me for itself

As I became nonexistent

 

But somehow

Light did appear

In the corner of my eye

Deep inside the weight

That was trying to destroy me

 

Hesitantly, I removed my hands

And gasped for breath

Staring through the microscopic hole

That let in a tiny ray

And a single molecule of oxygen

 

Too afraid to let it slip away

I tried to wrap my fingers around the photons

That gave me light

And a window to the world

 

Realizing

Maybe microscopic is all I need

Until I have the strength 

To stand with the weight

 

And I did stand again

A bit older

Wiser

And perhaps

Grown up

 

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741