alcoholism
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You’ve sat down, and you watch me fumble with the guitar. My thoughts wander. I’m drunk.
I sit, watching him drink even though he’s wasted.
Blotchy skin, red and damp, and the slick guitar strummed under slurring words.
That pain that I felt in my chest yesterday
is in my gut today
And I don't know if it's the heartbreak
moving through my veins into other parts of me
or if it happens to be the alcohol
The fact is that you did not raise me
You neglected me
You betrayed me
You left me there to figure it all out on my own
Nephthys only ever wants to see the night.
The dark, soothing blanket that reminds her of when her mother used to dance in the halls of their home, all rich ebony skin and pearly white teeth and bright eyes.
Before she left.
a shed full of bottles,
some empty, some sparing
but a drop of umber syrup for a
thirsty traveler.
pots and pans had long stacked up
Ten years old,
Wearing a medical mask In ICU.
Seeing your Father,
Your best friend,
Slipping away.
He suffers from
His liver corroding
From trying to combat
The alcohol he drinks.
vodka bottles,
secrets,
and pain.
these are the memories that haunt my brain.
total disfunction,
chaos,
and abandonment.
this is when i learned i was in the midst of adolescence.
“I love you more than anything,” you once whispered in my ear,
while you read aloud Goodnight, Moon in my pillow forts,
and hummed quiet lullabies so I could rest.
“I love you too.”
Late at night, the broken spirits sit on barstools, hunched over the counter like question marks
They ponder their place in this world
They drown their sorrows in bourbon to escape the outer flood attempting to engulf them
Heart teeming with love,
liver soaking in booze;
rough around the edges,
tender to the core:
the dichotomy of you.
What did I say? did I mean it that way? I'm forgetting something tell me please before I start remembering The pain to me is numbing and I didn't mind forgetting but the memories are bringing back the reasons for forgetting even though I sa
Pause in the mirror
Stare into the heart attack waiting to happen
Smack flab lost in the caramel center
Drunken slurs slosh and slip from innards thrown outwards
somewhere i can hear her singing still.‘new york i love you but you’re bringing me down’new york is always bringing someone down.someone taking the train to the end of the line
Constance—You don’t contradict your name.You are constant in your wavering waysYou wave like reeds in the dry summer air—If the winds reeked of tobacco, and the reeds werewithered and frail
Lots of people knew the beautiful family-
The Mours, that is.
But they don't know what happens
when the teenage boy's stepfather
gets a little too drunk.
Big D will be fifteen beers into a bender
Vodka goes down
in an attempt to drown
all the things I don't want to think about.
A rough upbringing, and some things I'd seen,
confuse me like a film of the color green-
I think I just need to be redeemed.
I continue to puke up vodka
and hear my father's voice in my head:
"Never drink milk after shots."
She's in love with an alcoholic,
I find it a little scary,
that people can go and gossip,
not knowing what she is feeling.
Abuse that she has to face,
his anger she have to taste.
Her life is a metaphor,
whether it be the weather , or too much alcohol somewhere inside the stone monument , erosion clapped its hands and its job was completeweathering down a great stone monument from the inside out when they told me stories of great monoliths and str
Could tea be my new alcohol?
I would let it fool me that I am warm
I would drink it as it burned down my throat
I would let it take control
Because for awhile, a very short while
Sitting here daydreamingAll the time my brain is…Scheming, scheming, scheming. Even given all I knowMy brain just wantsAnother go, another go Consequences do not deter me now It won't hurt, here's how Nothing can stop this trainMy addled alcoholic
Have you seen the red house on Castle Street?
The family in the red house is the first one you’ll meet.
There’s a friendly mother and stern father,
The bottle sits on the kitchen table
Glinting in the sun
She grabs it, begging for comfort
Now that the day is done
Define alcoholism: habitual intoxication.
Define habitual: commonly used or practiced.
Define Writing: the act of creating written works.
A is for air force. It’s Captain Briggs in the jet. The toughest and proudest man that you’ve ever met.
B is for ball, “why can’t you catch?” Dad grumbled as I shaped my small hands for the next.
the raindrop
that splatters
on the kitchen
counter means
there is a leak
in the roof again
my mother takes
an extra shift at
night my father
Everyone says its not my faultBecause there’s nothing I could do And yet of course, just by default I blame myself and not you You’re like a bird with a broken wing You’re so fragile and misguided You would always turn to me in spring But now l
It swims within variety,
As if it were an ocean,
From sorrow to prosperity,
The image and emotion,
When the words make me cry,
You open your eyes around noon
The thinnest ray of sunlight peeks into your room
You feel like your head is on upside down
You’re walking on the ceiling
And she used to be the sweetest girl
…Ambrolletta !!
Is what I called her
The lightest feather no man could ever catch her
Made you torture when she left
And if she stayed it'd be like death
She traded scars for callouses,and silver stained fingertips,rubber shaving bits sticking to her shirt,she drew and wrote the pain away,for all that it was worth,
you say those words to me that cut through my heart like a knife.
It's not just once, hundreds of times you plunge the knife into my already lacerated heart.
Tears stream down my face I'm screaming
"MOTHER, I LOVE YOU."
I never asked you for the world.
Didn't need you to give me anything but your love...
But apparently,
I was asking for too much.
Writing a poem about how everything is awesome
but my possum it ain't the truth.
Sometimes I think I should get my dreams and tossum
SHADES OF RAIN
“He loves you,” my mother tells me
He’s yelling again
He’s drunk again
No, drunk still
“He loves you,” the teachers tell me
Your hands are raised. They're raised in praise.
To Jesus Christ. He took your vice.
He paid the price. You rolled the dice.
He gave his blood. You crashed in mud.
His arms extended. Mistakes amended.
“From dust you came and to dust you now return.”
A mound of earth sifts through the preacher’s hand
Small rocks break free, hitting the coffin’s lid
With pops like tiny bullets
BoozerUserLoserRed puffy eyes pleading with youAbuserYou are the one I am forced to loveBlamingShamingDrainingSlurring words from drunkin lipsClaiming
Broken home, a broken promise, broken bottle of green tinted glassStayed up late to watch over you, now I’m dozing off in class
Let's take a trip,
no a dip into
the past where
the sun showed,
where the dew on the
leaves of the grape vines
glowed.
Before echoes of the
railroad
pinged and clanged,
It's two a.m.
And basically I'm longing to dream again
I'll have my lusts when I awake
But when I close my eyes, I have nightmares that
I can
Not shake
And I remember running
Empty Bottles
Written by: Tara Renee Sack
Once upon a time you had a life
Made a family, had some kids
With your beautiful wife
You think you’ve moved onLike a bird taken flightBut I think of you moreLike a piece of debrisBroken and floating further and further awaySoon I won’t even be able to pull you back
Child of poverty
Child of immigrants
Doesn't know any other world until it's time to go to school
In Boyle Heights, you're just like everybody else except maybe not as brown
Happiness
Anger
Love
Hate
Presence
Absence
Prompt
Late
Pride
Embarrassment
Confidence
Worry
Ignore
Obsess
Delay
Oh what would I possibly do
and who on earth would I be,
if for just one tiny moment
Two sisters young climb up a tree
In the snow of Christmas day
They peek over the fence to watch, to see
How the neighbor children play.
They climb back down, they go inside
It's not just one time.
I know because you've said that before
"It's just one drink."
"It's just one hit."
"I promise, I could quit."
It's not fine!
So wake up!
He crushed the butt of his cigarette into the rusted tray,
A valley of forgotten grey.
After flexing his filthy fingers, his gaze sharply drove into me.
I lost my breath.
I watched them gulp the whole bottle down
I know where one get its, but for the other I have no clue how
They were the same, stubborn and loud
One I could've stopped, the other I couldn't control
*written in 8th grade
"Daddy's home!", Mom yells to her son from the front door
A few hours later, it's happy no more
Daddy drinks a beer and goes about
What always makes the boy scream and shout
Lips to the bottle
The liquid burns down your throat
Burns a hole in your stomach
The little girl accidently startles you
She didn’t mean to, she really didn’t,
As a bottle shatters against the wall
the flourescent lightson her iridescent skinreveal the railroad tracksof her train with no brakes"all aboard," the ageless conductor criesshe climbs in.
I'm tired of all the bickering,
mommy and daddy always fight.
My mom working hard in the kitchen,
my dad always drinking bud light.
There's always some kind of conflict between them,
Back when I was 16, I sw thrown whisky bottles put scars on my mother's face. She pranced around the rim of the bottle with unspoken dreams. I didn't want her to be lonely, So we pranced together.
Hello it was nice to meet you,I known you all my life,We grew up together,You was like the brother i never had,Every weekend and every summer i spend all my days with you,Riding bikes, going swimming, playing video games is what we did,But i never
My father was an alcoholic.
Maybe it's true that he still is.
Although he battles everyday,
His wounds are labeled 'anonymous'.
Anonymous is the word to describe many things.
Repeating lies
to regain stress
but your constant reassurance
inables you to confess
Don't love the way
you hold your drink
just adore how every night
you're not required to think
Sip by sip, I forget the words
Said by who I love and don’t
It doesn’t matter
I don’t have to care.
Bottle by bottle, I drown away
The harsh looks I get
We take baby steps forward
Then back we’ll fall
But our steps are in synch
We’re giving our all
Best friends and sisters
We float hand in hand
Down the river of life
Away from dry land
Shoulders prickling with Excitement
A bubble in my chest
Focus naught on any else
My thirst is unrelenting
And then I take a shot
Coursing through my veins
Like a soothing elixir
Lost in a fit of insane incest, you woke me from my slumber, forcing my face to the pillows, hushing my tears with your murmurs, your eyes stood out vivid, yellow, with veins of deep red, your sweat matted my hair, & mixed with stale tears on
For the mother who never sees her daughter for who she is,
Blinded by a chemical not worth what she’s already lost.
To the sister who comes home mid-morning,
She could feel the frozen slaps of the raging wind wiffing through her hair,
Driving 90 on the interstate not going anywhere, she won't be late, despite her fate.
Crack! Pop! Fizz! Yet another beer down.
The anger boils up,
While the true you is left to drown.
The spiral continues, you’ve lost all control.
Just one more cup,
How can i trust you after what you did?
you were the light in a place with darkness you stole the innocence of a little kid.
how could evil hide in the face of kindness?
i believed you would protect me from evil,
I remember the night,
when we had no place to go.
Being woken up by
my weeping mother and you,
my little brother-not so little now.
There had been nights like this
for years,
the bottle sipped from your lipsintoxicating virtueleaving me to emergeas the art of an alcoholic.
(breathe sigh)
girls soaked in ginurged me to use my inside voice.
my ears muster only the skeleton of your voice,
a hollow memory traipsing its legs over a joyful moment,
its recalcitrant grasp shackling me in high tides of self-loathing & worthlessness.
I am still reminded of him by beggars stalking the intersections downtown. I have known my real father to be homeless. Braked at the mouth of my neighborhood’s beltway exit ramp, I hold my breath.
Stress
Stress
A manifestation of the unnerving
Stress
The tickle at your side that you wish didn’t hurt
It’s been a while since
I saw you last
I don’t know what you’d say
To me.
I hope you’d be proud
Of me –
But there’s no way to know.
Five years since
I saw you last
*for my mother*
Yellow light casts its glow across the halls, ghoulish,
Empty except for the sounds of whirring machines and soft feet.
The halls open into a room where skeletons reside,
When we got the call that he ended it all
My heavy tears flowed down my cheeks.
My pen and paper took the pain as my hands shook.
Answers aren't at the bottom of a whiskey bottle,
But misery is.
You're just a child whose been hurt,
And the world has hardened your heart.
Just one more drink you told me
Just one more pill you said
I wake up every morning
And expect to find you dead
The drug is your master that won't set you free
You choose it over life
You choose it over me
My stomach clenches as I hear your fist warp the banister,
sweaty fingers slide from the flaking painted-over rust,
feet thudding like mismatched first steps,
redundantly walking up
60-day chips from something united anonymous
Anxiety
Blame others, but your decisions are autonomous
Variety
Smirnoff, Burnett’s, Skyy, UV
Society
Idolizes and publicizes it, but what they don’t perceive
Beer bottles flood the floor
Bricks bruise my sunk-in face
Fake smiles hide the pain
Hammer flying towards her face
Murderous screams attack the air
Agony, shaking, hunger pains
(poems go here) This probably stems from my not-so-likely childhood of alcohol-stained arguments and an echoing sentiment of loneliness temporarily cured by few fellow eleven-year-olds with parents that worked late and bike rides in the safety of
You said you’d let me be anything I wanted to be…
But I never could believe you
When you couldn’t let me be me.
“Don’t let them play soccer or football until they’re in college!”
The last time I saw you without the jaws of I.V.s clamped onto your arms,
and without the yellow tinge to your skin,
and without you fading away from me...
The last time I saw you was two months ago,
