panic attack
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I am a warriorShooting through the wallset up for meby my diseaseI will NOT give upI will NOT give infor I am a warrior.
dizzy
I'm dizzy
my head is too light
i lean against the wall to stabilize my wobbly legs
the wall starts warping
and the floor starts warping
and my brain starts warping
pressure is physical
reality is suffocating
pain becomes reality
mentally im breaking
i sleep thirteen hours
just numbing my brain
pick out a smile
entertain for a while
the mingled stench of green seaweed and salty waves
cascades the nostrils of the adolescent girl.
I felt a monster climb its way up my throat
Choking on tears, I watched my hands tremble
My breath shortened & I felt powerless
I dry gagged & finally heaved
"The monster won," I'd quote.
Weeping
Small watery beads fall
like tiny diamonds.
Glittering as the sunlight
sprouts from their surfaces
in prismatic tints.
I open the window
So I don’t suffocate
But the air doesn’t reach my lungs
As I try to count my breaths
Monday I came in to see you
It's ok
I'm alright
Just breathe
Out for 3
In for 3
I'm fine
I'm not alone
My heart is heavy.
It is a bomb planted inside me,
Ready to explode within the walls of my chest.
My chest is tight.
My lungs fail me.
Too loud, too loud
Eyes drowned, head bowed
Clap hands over ears
Fingers leave bruises
But must hold in the music
To suspend myself from reality
Hear rhythm rapping the only words that make sense
Too close tooclosetooclose
Please don’t touch me
Oh god please don’t yell.
Too closetooclose. TOO LOUD. Too much.
the soft tapping crackingof an eggshell on a countertopbrings me to a place that I never thought I would be
Choking, squeezing/ Breath gone/ Eyes dark/ Oh, wherefore art thou,/ O serotonin?/ Mind racing/ Deborah pacing/ Confusion mounting/ Behind my eyes, they're shouting/ Yes, no, maybe so/ Static, static, white noise/ Shake and flap/ Senseless sc
A small bottle
A brush
Heavy paper
Covered in crevices
And teeth
Pressure
It takes pressure
Words, shuffling
Perfect ballet
Ribbons, ribbons, ribbons
Choreographed anarchy
Compressing thoughts into a tight tight ball
Until I can't tell what's what
What is what
What is what
Waves
In the course of an hour, I had stared into the eyes of my enemy. I said nothing. I did nothing, I swear to it.
I'm shaken, I'm shaking
but not from the thunder
pretty soon then, my heart booms
but not from the lightning
The weather outside is nothing compared
to the way I feel when anxious, hyper, and scared
Close your eyes,
Breathe in deep,
Shut out the world,
Listen to the beat.
Earbuds in and volume up,
I lean back and listen.
Slow down my heart beat,
Expand my constricted lungs,
I’m having a panic attack, help.
My chest heaves, and I can’t quite breathe.
Help, please, I plead.
Silently I wait for my negative thoughts to disappear.
It's like an earthquake.
The world shifts around you,
Shaking your heart, shaking your mind,
Shaking your control until it crumbles away
Leaving you both helpless and defenseless,
It is something that is invisible and difficult to see
yet at the same time you know something is wrong with me
the feeling of an invisible knife that pierces through the heart
tick tock.
tick tock.
you’re running out of time.
you’re going to be too late.
tick tock
tick tock
The void is speckled purple and yellow
And I am floating above it
overwhelmed by nausea
And I don’t know why I haven’t yet fallen in.
Space hurtles around me ever cyclical
And I am here
i can hear my heart thrumming
Trying to ignore this stuff inside my head
the feelings I feel, The things that I said
It's not me, you see
I am caught up in a bubble
I feel I am not here
and sometimes seeing double
In a dark dungeon.
Screams and cries-
echoing off the black walls.
Normalcy turned freak.
Unanswered panic.
Heart beating out.
Crying bloody, bloody murder.
Sometimes,
things hit a little too close to home
too close for comfort
other times,
things hit home
with a resounding boom,
you'll hear everything come crashing around you
~a heart once so pure
Heavy with burdens
~Smiles turn to gold
Shy to break, soft to hold
~molded in flawless to be just flaws
~A heavy broken smile is all I am
Chorus:
I'm stressed out
A lot of stuff on my mind, I don't know what to do
I'm stressed out
I just want to be alone, so I'm sitting in my room
I'm stressed out
Once there was a man who left
and his little girl was sad
she cut her wrists and bleed for him
as she wished to call him, dad
there was an incident that spurred the path
the family was split
It. Starts. Slow,
A tremor shaking low in the bones
Consumes the skull
And squeeze squeeze squeeze the whole.
Tick, tick, tick, tick,
The clock on the wall goes down
i claim exertion to the separation of
curtains and search of sanctum,
A thought races
Quickly and quietly
Through the trenches of my mind
It lasts only a moment
And it fades forever into nothingness
I turn
Again, as if by nothing more than black magic,
Friday
I need to deposit this check and I need to buy food.
But I fear the banker’s scowl and that cashier who was rude.
I forget the proper way to fill in the deposit slip
Dark arms reach up inside my mind,
slithering through, coating
my thoughts with a thick film.
They become obscure.
Now the bombs explode,
cascading silent sparks-
the clanking pots and pans
