I need to deposit this check and I need to buy food.
But I fear the banker’s scowl and that cashier who was rude.
I forget the proper way to fill in the deposit slip
But I dread counting cash on every shopping trip.
I don’t really need to eat.
An acquaintance is throwing a party tonight.
I honestly don’t know why I got an invite.
I won’t know anyone; I have nothing interesting to say.
Nobody wants a loner who can’t get past “Hey.”
I don’t really need to go out.
This essay is due tomorrow and I haven’t begun.
What can I write that hasn’t already been done?
I’m not as smart as people seem to believe.
With each page I print, I look away and grieve.
I don’t really need to start now.
I was on a roll in my early morning class
But, as usual, all good things must pass.
I read this text, I took these notes, I hear what you discuss.
But I can’t comprehend what you all deem obvious.
I don’t really need to learn.
I go to bed and close my eyes, hoping for some peace,
But “DIDN’T STUDY, DIDN’T STUDY” keeps me from release.
It’s not as if I’ll pass tomorrow’s exam if I do,
But “DIDN’T STUDY, DIDN’T STUDY” screams the whole night through.
I don’t really need to sleep.
This day, this week, goes on and on without end.
Let’s see how damn far my will can bend.
Go to class, go to work, act like a decent person.
What if they see you? What if they hear you? Curse ‘em.
I don’t really need to leave my room.
Almost through the week, but what’s it matter?
Each weekend I stay in, I get a little sadder.
I am bitter and hateful, and for that full of shame.
There’s something wrong, but I must be the one to blame.
And sometimes I wonder if I really need to live.