ups&downs
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She gave me birth to me in January,
The doctor told her that I’m gonna be tall.
She provided for me,
On foot or knees
During and after pregnancy.
She was there for me.
Life doesn’t always end up the way we plan,
But God directs it so I can become a man.
If life was easy
It wouldn’t seem rewarding
Because Earth can seem like hell,
But I have to shrug it off
I’ve been towing this heavy life lately.
Can’t let my challenges ever shake.
My future is mine,
So I control what my fate will be,
But long nights working make me tired.
I remember when I wanted fame.
My contract was signed,
Then my life was never the same.
My music became their music
And as for my time there is none.
Wrote so much,
And so much got thrown out.
The first few months with my dad
Just felt like a prolonged visit to his home.
Over summer I’m more quiet
Because being in a house with two grownups and a baby isn’t always entertaining.
To get to football practice
Sitting at the coffee house
Thinking about life
I sip on apple cider
The cinnamon smell
Night or day I can’t even tell.
Glad to just relax.
This isn’t a high or low I’m just laying back,
Living like this for over a year.
Doing the same things for over a year.
Dealing with loss for over a year.
It’s redundant.
My new life became old after a few months
I yearn to begin my actual life,
They’re poetic and deceptive at the same time,
Enchanting your ears to invade your mind.
Convincing you they’re innocent
When they’re the reason you’re blind,
To what the real world is,
A boy contemplates while lying on his bed with a straight face.
Trying to avoid his problems.
He says one option is death.
He says he doesn’t know what to do,
Or how to do it.
I remember harsh days
And harsh nights.
Dreams were the only place I could escape.
My mom covered up our lives with drapes,
Trying to protect me from the world,
Trying to protect me from girls,
I’ve seen my mom a couple times.
In order for me to see her I have to be supervised.
My Aunt Sheryl offered to do it.
I visited mom sometime in fall
And when I first saw her,
Ever since forever
Someone told a lie
And some believed it.
Not knowing someone they trust deceived them.
Ever since forever,
The weakest guy got picked on and picked last.
They can try,
But they’ll never kill me.
As life progresses there is less of me,
Because in their world life isn’t about me.
My body hurts,
But my spirit is a cool stone.
Now a’days I wonder where my real mom really is,
Because when I look at you I see your dead skin on a live body.
It’s the opposite of bliss,
The opposite of life.
I really just don’t know who you are,
It’s been over a year since leaving mom.
I don’t know where she lives
Or how she survives,
But she still deposits money into my bank account.
And maybe pays for the old phone I don’t use.
They pick me up when I’m down
Turn my frown to a smile
They make life last longer than a while
I’ll keep them around
For my friends I’d run a mile.
At the end of the day
I’ll always care
I may not be a player,
But I got game.
Why pick them other dudes?
They’re all the same.
Sort of like my straight face
That never changes.
I need a queen because I’m royalty.
I’m not depressed
My parents think about it though.
Lately my emotions have been so pressed,
Is my mom’s absence to blame?
Knowing that my life will never be the same.
Trying to live up to my name,
